Teach me to forget you
by Januarydensi
Summary: A DENSI AU STORY. One case. Just one case. That's what it takes for their paths to cross again. Will the love that was given up in the past have a chance now in the present?
1. Chapter 1

15 years ago

With quick steps, she strode inside the kitchen. Her hazel eyes scanned the room searching for him, feeling a pang of disappointment inside when she didn't see the blonde shaggy haired man she was looking for. She instead spotted her mother, Julia, leaning on the breakfast counter with a cup she was sure was tea in hand.

Julia's face lit up when she sighted her. "Kensi dear!"

Managing to return her mother's warm greeting with a forced smile, Kensi stepped towards her and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. "Hi m-mom."

"Would you like to join your mother for a cup of tea?"

She was about to decline her offer but noticed that Julia was expecting her to agree so she nodded almost reluctantly. "Sure."

The older woman walked around the kitchen preparing her drink while Kensi's eyes followed her as she took a seat on one of the stools.

Things have been strange between the mother and daughter since Julia's return to the Blyes' home 3 months ago.

* * *

Julia, wife of Donald Blye a marine officer, left her family 2 years ago for a man she met through a common friend, giving them an explanation over a letter Kensi found on her parent's nightstand. The handwritten note was telling the father and daughter that she was no longer happy with her life with them and that she fell in love with another man.

Kensi, who saw the empty closet of her mother one morning when she was about to bid her goodbye before going to school, was the most devastated. She never expected that her own mother was capable of such action.

At her age of 15, she was aware that her parents' relationship was imperfect. Whenever her father was home, she can hear their fights almost every night. She can make out the words _unhappy, alone, always gone_ from Julia's tearful voice and Kensi couldn't help but feel sympathetic to her.

Donald was always away on assignments and was most of the time abroad, leaving Kensi in Julia's care in their home in San Diego, California. The younger woman felt her mother's worries whenever her father will leave them despite Julia's tries of putting up a brave face for her daughter.

Kensi did her best not to add to her mother's distress. Although she was known to be a daddy's girl, she can understand Julia's uneasiness. She knew her mother loved her family so it broke her heart to find her gone one day and a letter was all she left for them to read.

Donald, who was on assignment outside the country that time, was sent back upon learning that his wife left Kensi alone at home. He took a leave of absence to take care of his daughter. Kensi, who had started refusing going to school, became a closed off child. She spent her days alone in her room, avoiding to talk to anyone.

Her father, despite having his own heart breaking, managed to give Kensi the understanding she needed that time. He had been there for her trying his best to make her open up once again, pulling her from her own isolation.

Gradually, the father and daughter started living once again. 6 months after his wife left, Donald began reporting to Camp Pendleton located near their home. He was luckily removed from any international missions for a while and was asked to become a training officer at the camp. He happily agreed, taking the chance to still keep an eye on his daughter.

Kensi appreciated her father's effort bringing her back to her old self. She was aware that it wasn't an easy task for Donald to be there and be a single parent to his growing daughter. In her current teenage stage, she needed a mother. Someone who can understand what she was going through. Someone she can talk openly and freely about her crushes and other girlish stuff. And for her, her father doesn't fit that criteria.

But they managed to help each other. Donald and Kensi found that despite their obvious differences, they have one thing in common. Their hearts were broken. They were lonely. Donald missed his wife. Kensi missed her mother. But somehow, they survived.

* * *

"Were you looking for someone when you went here?"

Julia's voice pulled her from her lonely thoughts. A cup of tea was placed on her front. "Y-Yeah. I was actually looking for Marty. He was supposed to be here. Maybe he got caught up on something." She answered, picking up the hot drink and sipping it. Kensi saw her mother looked at her in concern. "I-Is there something wrong?"

Julia shook her head before taking a sip of her own drink. "It's nothing."

Her brow furrowed in curiosity, eyeing her mother warily.

The older woman sighed before speaking. "You and Marty." She began. "Are... Are you in a relationship?"

Kensi stiffened at her mother's question. "W-What?"

"I-I saw how the two of you are with each other. You seem a little... close."

"So? What if we are close?" She asked defensively, not liking the direction of her mother's words.

"Don't get me wrong, Kensi." Julia instantly backed off, noticing her daughter's wall beginning to build up. If she wasn't careful, she knew it will take months for Kensi to talk to her again and she didn't want that. "I... I worry for you. I don't know him that much but I heard stories about him and his family and none of them are good. A friend told me that Marty's father is a crimina-"

"Stop it, mom!" Kensi's loud voice was heard followed by a loud sound when she stomped the cup she was holding on the marble counter in anger. "I know Marty and his family. I know them. And if you are really worried for me, you shouldn't have left me alone while dad is away to elope with another man only to come back years after and pretend that nothing has changed!" She said angrily before turning to leave the room.

"Kensi!" Julia called. She was immediately on her side, with one hand holding her arm. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? For judging Marty? Or for leaving your family?"

Julia flinched at her words and removed her grip on her daughter in defeat. "I'm sorry. I'm just concerned about you. You are still my daughter. I am still your mother. I made a mistake and I don't want you making the same thing. There are so many other guys out there, Kensi and you are still young. You have a bright future ahead of you, don't settle for anything less." Thinking she had already said enough, she left her daughter to ponder over her statement.

* * *

"Hey, what's wrong? You look sad." Marty commented on the girl sitting across from him, gazing at her worriedly.

Placing both of her elbows on the table, she glanced at him. "I'm fine."

They were inside the school library. She was studying for her next subject while he was doing his assignment.

With one brow raised, he threw her a 'Really?' look that earned him Kensi's famous eye roll and he chuckled at that. "Is this about me not showing up at your house last Saturday? Are you still mad at me? I already told you, Mrs. Jackson needed my help with her Venus statue."

She shook her head. Kensi already knew the reason he was absent last weekend. He already explained that he helped his neighbor in moving the newly bought huge statue on the old woman's backyard. "It's not about that."

"Then what is it?"

"Nothing. I'm really fine, Marty."

"Kensi."

"Marty."

"Kensalina."

"Martin."

"Kensi Marie Blye."

"Martin Andrew Brandel."

"Princess?"

Kensi was about to answer him back but stopped when she processed his new nickname for her. With one eyebrow arched, she asked. "Princess?"

He shrugged his shoulders as an answer. "Tell me what's wrong?"

"It's my mom."

She hated to admit but her mother's words last Saturday brought her to thinking. She asked her of her relationship with Marty and Kensi didn't know how to answer that. Honestly, he had become an important person in her life. He was the reason, aside from her father, that she was able to move on from her mother's departure. He helped her face her situation and look at the future.

Their first meeting was still clear in her memory.

* * *

 _4 months after Julia's departure_

 _Kensi was sitting alone under a tree located at the school backyard. The old big tree had been her favorite place to date. It was shady and she liked that it hid her from the almost scorching rays of sun. She discovered it one week after her mother left her when she was feeling swamped with the pity looks her classmates were throwing at her. She was supposed to feel happy that they empathize with her but she was not. She hated it. She didn't like that they acted like they know what she was feeling. Nobody knew how she really feels. Nobody._

 _And just like how she felt 4 months ago, Kensi felt alone._

 _"No, you're not."_

 _She jolted in her position when she heard a man's voice. It caught her surprised that she didn't recognize where it came from. She looked around searching for its owner and frowned when she didn't see anyone. "Where are you?" She called._

 _"Up here."_

 _She turned her head up and saw him sitting on one of the strong branches of the tree almost 4 feet above her. Smiling at her was a blonde shaggy haired boy with blue eyes._

 _"You are not alone." He said again._

 _"Apparently not." She scowled. She didn't like that there was somebody else on her favorite place. She wanted to be alone. She needed to be alone. "Are you spying on me? How long have you been up there? Why didn't you tell me you are there?" She asked rapidly. "And would you mind going down? My neck is hurting from here."_

 _The blonde boy held his hands in surrender. "Whoah, hold it right there. I'll answer your questions but I need to go down first." He then jumped from the branch and settled on her side. "Okay." He began when he was already standing next to her. "First, I am not spying on you."_

 _'Well, it is a lie.' Marty thought._

* * *

 _It had been almost four months since he first saw her came to his tree. His tree. He wanted to laugh at his words. The tree wasn't his but he saw it first and he liked it first. During the first day of school, he searched for a place where nobody else was. A place he can relax and gather his thoughts, not that he had plenty. And it didn't take him long to find the old tree and up until the girl with a dark hair and most beautiful hazel eyes came, it had been his hidden haven._

 _He was sitting on his favorite branch looking at the surroundings when he first saw her walked towards to where he was. A small smile that didn't reach her sad eyes graced her lips as she settled herself on the ground just below him on his right. Marty wanted to call her attention knowing that she will immediately leave when she sees him. He was about to do just that but he halted. A tear followed by another fell from her already closed eyes made him freeze from his position._

 _She was crying. And his heart tightened at the sight. He had seen girls cried before right in front of him. Sometimes he was even the reason they were in tears but never, as in not for once, they made the same effect on him as she did and he didn't even know her. Marty was confused as to why the mysterious girl was weeping. He silently hoped that she wasn't dying or sick._

 _He remained silent from his position and tried to avoid any movement that will catch her attention. Several minutes and some wet tissues later, the girl stood up and walked away. Marty's eyes followed her as she began striding towards the school building. He contemplated if he will follow her but opted not to. He didn't want any complications. He was there to finish high school and that was what he was going to do. He still have 2 years to go through._

* * *

 _He saw her rolled her eyes at his answer and he found it cute surprisingly. "Second, as you can see I was here first, just minutes before you came."_

 _Marty made sure that it happened every time._

* * *

 _The next day, he arrived at the tree the same time like he always does and was surprised that the girl from yesterday came again. He took time studying her appearance. She was tall but not as tall as him. Her dark hair was shoulder length and a little wavy. Her eyes, which bore sadness just like yesterday, were framed with long lashes. Her nose was pointed just right and her lips were full. He was pretty sure that she will be more beautiful if she will smile._

 _'What is the reason you are sad?' He wanted to ask her that but just like yesterday, he chose to remain still. He watched her sit on the ground and cry. After drying her tears, she left once again._

* * *

 _For almost 4 months, that had been their tradition. Marty will come minutes before Kensi and will sit above where he knew she will be. He learned her name when she accidentally left her ID under the tree. He also knew that she was a sophomore, a year younger than he was._

 _Her crying stopped 2 weeks after she first sat under the shady tree. He will never forget his relief when the tears he was expecting from her didn't come that day. She just looked sad but no tears stained her face. He wordlessly wished that time will come he will be able to see her smile._

 _'Maybe if her mother will return, Kensi will smile again.' He hopefully thought. He was saddened to learn from some of her nosy classmates the reason she was sad was because her mother left. He didn't mean to pry on her life but he overheard them talking about Kensi in the canteen one afternoon._

 _"And my question number 3?"_

 _Marty was removed from his reminiscing when he heard her speaks. "Oh right. Your last question, I didn't tell you that I am here because I don't want to disturb you."_

 _He knew at one point she will discover that there was a person right above her, watching her. One look. Just one look to where he was, Marty will be busted. He should be worried but he wasn't. He was actually looking forward to her finally seeing him. For almost four months of just watching her, his curiosity on Kensi grew. Somehow just gazing at her was no longer enough, there was a need. A need for him to know her._

 _So when she unknowingly said out loud that she was alone, Marty took the opportunity to let her know of his presence._

 _"I'm Marty Brandel." He introduced himself, extending his hand for a shake and was glad that although uncertain, Kensi took it._

 _"Kensi Blye."_

 _And that was the start of their friendship._

* * *

"What about your mom?" Marty asked carefully, knowing that anything about her mother was a sensitive topic for his friend.

She hesitated but discerning that he will not let go until he hears what troubled her, she answered. "She just started acting like a good mother again." Kensi then opened the book on her front and pretended like she was reading it.

He had known her for almost 2 years now and he can tell she no longer wants to discuss her issue with her mother.

"Give her a chance." He said after a while. "Ever since we met I know you are longing for her return. Now that she's back, why dismiss her presence? You missed her, Kensi. And I bet she missed you too."

Kensi put her book down and eyed him with a playful smirk. "Wow, Mr. Brandel! You are maturing, I can tell."

He winced at the mention of his surname. "One of these days I am going to change my last name."

"You don't like the name Brandel?" She carefully pried.

She lied to her mom when she told her that she knew Marty and his family. Kensi didn't know everything about him. All she can tell was Roberta, his mother, and Marty came to their neighborhood 2 years ago from Los Angeles for reasons she wasn't aware of. Sometimes, he tell her stories about him and his mother but was dodging to discuss anything about his father.

Kensi also heard rumors that Marty's father was a wanted criminal but she refused to believe it. She didn't care anyway if that was true, Roberta and Marty were good people for her and he was a friend. They were enough reasons for Kensi.

"I did before. But it keeps on reminding me of my father."

"It seems like I am not the only one who has parent issues."

"Well mine is different."

"How so?"

"Your mom didn't hit you and your father. She didn't wield a shotgun at you. She isn't a felon wanted for different crimes."

He said so casually that Kensi was doubtful if he was telling the truth or not. She stared at him in shock.

Marty saw how her face changed at his revelation and was hurt thinking that she might probably begin avoiding him and stop hanging around with him. Who would want to be friends with the son of a fugitive? He can understand if Kensi will end their growing friendship. He told her about his father because she had become one of the very few important people in his life and he wanted to be honest with her.

"Look Kensi, I understand i-"

"What do you think your new surname will be?" Kensi cut his sentence.

Seeing how his shoulders fell at her reaction to his admission, she knew she hurt him. She was surprised to learn that all the rumors circling Marty's family are true but it won't stop her from being friends with him. She liked him. She liked Roberta. It wasn't their fault that the older man Brandel was a lawbreaker. The mother and son were his victims too according to what her friend just told her.

Marty's face brightened after hearing her. "I am thinking Deeks." He answered.

"Deeks?" Her brows furrowed. "That's kinda weird."

"That's the name of my godfather who helped us settle here. If it wasn't for him, my mom and I would probably still be in LA and within my father's grip."

"I think it suits you. Martin Andrew Deeks. That's nice. I'll call you Deeks from now on, alright?"

"What happened to 'Marty'?"

Glancing at her watch, she noticed that it was almost time for her next class. Instead of answering him, Kensi stood up and gathered her things. "Gotta go, Deeks." She left him alone on the table.

"Hey, Kensi!" Marty tried to stop her.

When she didn't turn, "Kensalina!"

"Princess!" He called her a little too loud.

"Mr. Brandel! You are in the library!" An older woman's voice swatted him.

Kensi stifled a laugh when she heard the librarian calls his name. Glancing at him, she saw him blushing in shame while combing his hair with his fingers, a habit she liked him doing.


	2. Chapter 2

With a crease on her forehead and a pencil stuck in between her teeth, she darted her eyes on her notes intently. "I still don't get it." She said after a while, giving her friend a puppy dog eye. "Come on, Deeks. Please?"

"You said you got it the last time I taught you that topic."

"I already forgot. You know how terrible I am with this programming." She whined.

He sat beside her, giving her notes a look. "Okay, we'll start again like last time."

When her face lit up, Deeks tried to hide his smile and began teaching her his favorite subject.

 _Deeks_. That was what his name now for Kensi. Ever since he told her he wanted to change his surname to 'Deeks' last month, she began calling him by that. And to his surprise, he was okay with it.

An hour later, he was finished reviewing Kensi on her computer programming lesson.

"I think we're done here." He gladly announced and watched as she dramatically slumped her head on the center table.

"My head hurts." She complained while giving her aching head a massage. "I can't believe you love this subject. Are you for real?"

He shook his head and chuckled at her question. "You do know that I'll be taking up Computer Science in college, right?"

Kensi rolled her eyes. "You do know that if I take that course I will not last a semester, right?"

"Criminal Justice? Really?" He questioned, reminding her of her preferred course to take after her graduation a year from now.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Don't you think it's a little bit dangerous for you?"

"Not you too!" She complained as she started clearing the table of her things. "You sound like my mom and dad."

"You can't blame us for caring about you."

She stood up and glared at him. "Look, Deeks. I appreciate your concern but that is what I want. I want to be a federal agent someday like you want to be a computer programmer. I don't see anything wrong with going after your dream so why can't you be happy for me on this one?"

Deeks knew how stubborn she can be so he let it go for the mean time but quietly reminded himself to discuss it again some other day. He really cared about her and wouldn't want her to be in a harm's way. "I understand. But promise me you'll be careful alright?"

She smiled at his concern. "It's not like I'm leaving to join FBI tomorrow. I think you're forgetting something, I'm not the one who will be going away for college in 2 months."

"Yeah." He ran his fingers through his hair. Realizing he was the one due to leave and not her, Deeks couldn't help but voiced out how he feels. "I'll miss you, Kensi."

Thinking of Deeks leaving for MIT after his high school graduation, she was torn. Kensi was happy that he was pursuing his goal and having a scholarship at his coveted school was definitely a dream come true for him. But she was sad that he will leave her. She was only in her junior year and even if she graduated, Deeks' school was not on her list of go-to-schools so the chance of them continuing hanging out with each other was slim to none.

Kensi was surprised when she found herself hugging him, her arms wrapped around him. "I'll miss you too, Deeks." She whispered and reveled on him returning her embrace.

A fake cough broke the two friends apart. Both startled at the sound, they whirled around and saw Julia, who just came back after meeting with friends, standing at the front door.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Blye." Deeks greeted her with courtesy.

Kensi noticed from her mother's face that she was not happy to see him and she couldn't help but be bothered by it.

"Good afternoon, Marty. I didn't know you'll be here." Julie greeted him back before throwing a glance at her daughter.

"He is tutoring me on my subject, mom." She answered as she approached her mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Julie just nodded and proceeded on going upstairs.

"I think your mom doesn't like me." He said in a low voice, not wanting to be heard by the older woman.

"She's just like that any given day." She didn't want to tell Deeks but she was just thinking the same.

* * *

"Do you remember Andrew?"

Kensi's eyes moved from her plate to her mother when she heard her question. The Blyes were having dinner and halfway through their meal Julia began telling them about her old friend, Monica, her husband, Sebastian and their son, Andrew.

Andrew Williams had been her playmate and friend during her childhood days before his family left for Seattle when Kensi was 9 and he was 11.

"Yeah." She replied remembering the boy with a chestnut brown hair and a freckled face from 8 years ago.

The Williams was only a 5-minute drive from them so their closeness wasn't a surprise.

Julie's eyes sparkled at her answer. "Well, he is a freshman now in UCLA. Monica called me last night saying that they are going to visit him and we planned on seeing each other. So on Sunday we're going to dinner with them."

Kensi and Deeks were supposed to watch a concert together that exact day and time. She was about to say no to her mom but before she can open her mouth, Julia already turned to her father.

"What do you think, Donald?" She asked her husband with a smile on her face.

Donald glanced at his daughter before looking back at his wife. "I think it's a good idea. We haven't seen them for years." He noticed Kensi's face fell at his words.

Seeing her father gave her a pleading look wordlessly begging her to go with her mother's plan, Kensi can only nod at them. Her mind now was on how she was going to break the news to Deeks. He will be disappointed since he was really looking forward to Sunday.

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay with it?"

Deeks hid his dismay with a smile. He was disappointed. They have been planning on watching their favorite band in a scheduled concert for a month now but unfortunately for him, she couldn't make it. Giving him the reason of having dinner with a family friend. "It's okay. We can watch it next time." He said but knew how impossible it would be. Sadly, time was a luxury they do not have.

Kensi released a sigh of relief believing he was alright with their canceled plan as she plopped her body down next to him. They were at their favorite tree, spending their vacant time together. "I'm really sorry Deeks. I don't want to go with my parents but I don't want to hurt them. They are both trying to make their marriage work this time."

He placed his hand on hers, softly clasping it to assure her. "It's alright, Kensi. I understand."

They glanced at their intertwined fingers at the same time, both were feeling weird seeing that their hands somehow looked fit together.

Kensi noticed his eyes were on her now and she felt her cheeks blushed at the way he was looking at her.

He didn't know what got into him but Deeks found himself leaning towards her, his intention of kissing her was clear. Only mere inches apart, he saw her closed her eyes and he took it as a go signal. Lightly, he pressed his lips against hers. Although he didn't want to admit it, the taste of her lips surpassed his expectation. It definitely exceeded all his previous kisses before her. Kensi's lips were the sweetest. It was just a peck but it brought unknown emotions to him, feelings he didn't know he had.

"K-Kensi." There was an ache as he mumbled her name when they parted. He saw she still had her eyes close and slowly, Kensi fluttered them open. And he was dazed to see that they were swimming with different emotions.

"Deeks."

As if broken from a trance at the mention of his name, he panicked. He pulled himself up from her almost with difficulty. "I-I'm sorry, Kensi."

"W-Why did you do that?" She asked, following his movement.

Her voice was soft and calm, he heard. There was no hint of anger.

"I-I don't know." He really didn't know.

'Why did he kiss Kensi? Did he develop something more for her? Is she something more than a friend now to him?' He asked himself. He really didn't know how or what to answer her.

Deeks was too focused on thinking of the reasons he crossed the friendship line that he didn't see her hopeful face became crestfallen at his answer.

"I need to go, Deeks."

His head snapped at her worriedly. "Are... Are you mad?"

Kensi shook her head but avoided looking at him. She picked her things on the ground one by one and placed her bag on her shoulder. "I forgot I have to meet my group mates for a project." She replied, clutching her books tightly against her chest, as if it suddenly became her source of energy.

"O-Okay. I'll see you, Kensi." He said absentmindedly and watched when she nodded and began walking away from him.

* * *

Kensi slumped her body on her bed and took a deep breath. With her gaze on the ceiling, she thought on how Deeks became distant to her after he kissed her. Unknowingly, she traced her lips with a finger, recalling how his lips felt against hers and smiled as she remembered the feeling of butterflies swarming in her stomach when he leaned towards her. The kiss that happened 3 days ago was unexpected but was very much welcomed. She couldn't believe that her very first kiss was going to be with him.

Deeks. It would be a lie if she didn't find him attractive. With his fluffy blonde hair and a pair of baby blues, Deeks was handsome. The first time she saw him, she had a crush on him but chose to forget about it because he was a friend. Their friendship meant so much more to her. He had been there for her, patiently listening to her problems, wiping her tears whenever she would cry, giving her inspiring words when she was down. Deeks was a good friend.

But things have changed after the incident much to her sadness.

She recalled their last conversation the other day in school.

* * *

 _"Are you avoiding me?" Kensi asked the man who was busy rummaging inside his locker._

 _"What?" He answered without glancing at her and it annoyed her._

 _She had been looking for him everywhere since yesterday but weirdly enough, she couldn't find him. She went to several of his rooms where she knew his class will be. She questioned his classmates. She even stayed a little longer than usual at their tree hoping he will show up. But there was no sign of him. Ray, one of his closest friends, assured her that he was present but then would took off hurriedly after every end of his subjects._

 _"Deeks!" She hissed, her patience was wearing thin._

 _"What?" He glanced at her from his position, brows wrinkled in obvious displeasure._

 _"I asked you if you are avoiding me."_

 _"Look Kensi, things have been busy with me lately. With all the deadlines I have and a few more projects left to do, I don't have any spare time. Is there something I can do for you?" He said, running his fingers in his hair impatiently._

 _She only gazed at him in shock. Deeks never talked to her like that before. His tone w_ _as cold and with a hint of irritation or was it anger? She wasn't sure._

 _Taken aback by his behavior, she shook her_ _head. "I-I'm sorry I didn't know." With that, she quickly spun around and left him._

 _He watched her retreating figure in guilt and resentment. Closing his locker door recklessly, he let out a loud swear and moved to go to his next class that day._

* * *

'Why is he mad at me?' She asked sadly. 'Did I do something wrong?'

It had been 3 days and Kensi missed him, she missed his company. After leaving him on the hallway during their last talk, she had not seen him again. She avoided going to their tree, afraid that she might find her friend there and wouldn't know how to approach him again.

"Kensi, don't forget our dinner tonight. Be ready at 6." Julie's voice can be heard outside her bedroom door.

She took another deep breath before replying. "Okay mom."

Taking a look at the clock on the nightstand, she still had a few hours to rest. She closed her eyes and willed herself to nap, not wanting to think of Deeks any further.

* * *

"Aren't you enjoying yourself?"

Smiling, she glanced at the man behind the wheels. It was Andrew. Their families' dinner had just ended and with both of their parents' persistence well it was actually more of her mom's, he was driving her back home.

"I'm alright. Just a little tired." Kensi said as she studied him.

Andrew had grown to be a handsome guy, she thought. His chestnut hair was a little darker now than before. Gone were his freckles. He looked totally different from the 11 year old boy she had last seen. She noticed that he was tall, inches taller than Deeks.

Kensi frowned at the thought of her friend. She really didn't want to think of him now.

"Does the ice cream parlor we favorite still exists?" David asked, his eyes glittering in the dark as he glanced at her.

She rolled her eyes at him but smiled, one memory of them came to her mind. It was years ago, they both got a serious case of tonsillitis after rallying at the ice cream shop for days. "Yes. Swirlstation is still open."

"Want to go there? My treat?"

* * *

Two scoops of rocky road in a cone for Kensi and a scoop of mint chocolate chip in a cup for Andrew later, the two friends were now walking back to their parked vehicle.

"I can't believe rocky road is still your favorite." Andrew commented at her chosen ice cream.

"You remember?" She asked, surprised that he still knew her favorite flavor.

The chestnut haired man grinned at her. "Of course. You love your sweets, Kensi. You love donuts, chocolates and every food that has sugar in it."

"Haha. Very funny." Kensi smirked at his banter.

"I'm not kidding. Do you remember how you punched me when I took your Twinkies? I have no idea that that was your last one."

She playfully hit him in the chest. "Will you please stop? I am not that terrible."

He laughed as he caught her hand.

Kensi saw Andrew's hand on hers and it reminded her of Deeks' and what happened after that.

"Hey, Kensi!"

She turned to the voice that called her name and saw Ray running towards her.

"Hi."

"I thought it was you!" The long haired boy greeted her. "Marty said it's impossible you'll be here since you're supposed to be with your parents."

'Deeks? Is he here?' She wanted to ask but already got her answer when she spotted him nearing her. Feeling suddenly conscious that Andrew's grasp was still on her, Kensi swiftly pulled her hand from her now curious childhood friend.

"H-Hi." Awkwardly, she acknowledged Deeks. His dark face didn't go unnoticed.

He returned her greeting with a nod and a glance at her companion.

"I'd like you to meet Andrew, a friend from childhood. He used to live here. Andrew meet my friends, Marty and Ray. We go to the same school together." Kensi introduced the three and watched as they trade greetings but her focus was more on Deeks, wondering why he looked mad.

"You said you'll be in a family dinner." She heard him said icily.

"I was. Andrew's family is a friend of ours. The dinner just finished. We're on our way back home but stopped for some good old dessert."

"You didn't get dessert at the restaurant?" Deeks asked sarcastically, one eyebrow raised as if mocking her answer.

"It's not like that." She tried to reason but when Kensi saw him scoffed, she had enough. "What's your problem Deeks?!" She didn't know what was wrong with him but it seemed like he was picking a fight with her.

Andrew, who was watching the exchange, came to her rescue. "Is there a problem here?" He asked the blonde hair.

Ray answered for his friend, feeling the need to prevent any altercations. "Nothing's wrong man. We're just leaving. C'mon Marty." He said, grabbing Deeks' arm tightly. "Nice to meet you Andrew. See you in school Kensi."

Kensi's face was red as she watched Deeks being pulled away by Ray.

"That was interesting."

She sighed at Andrew's remark. "Tell me about it."

* * *

"Thank you Andrew. It's nice to see you again. I'm sorry about my friend. He can be weird at times." Kensi said as he was walking her to their front door.

"It's alright, Kensi. I hope you enjoyed the evening."

She paused from her step and turned to him. "I do. I had a great time. Would you like to come inside? My parents are probably having their evening tea right now."

"Maybe next time, I really need to get going. My own parents are waiting for me at the hotel, that's for sure."

"Oh, okay. Goodluck on your studies, Andrew. See you again soon."

She was surprised when he gave her a hug followed by a kiss on her cheek. "It was nice seeing you again, Kensi. And if you're okay with it, I'd like to give you a call some time."

Kensi didn't see anything wrong with him calling her, thinking he was after all a friend. "Sure, just don't make me wait for another 8 years."

Andrew chuckled. "Nope. It'll be sooner than you think." He said, winking at her.

She watched him climbed back in his car and drove away, waving at him as he passed by. She had a wonderful night seeing Andrew again. They spent most of the time reminiscing their childhood days, their mischiefs and previous accidents. With a smile fixed on her face, she returned from going inside the house only to be stopped by a very familiar voice.

"Kensi."

She looked back and saw Deeks standing a few feet away from her. Occupied with Andrew's presence, she didn't see Deeks' car already parked on the street when they arrived.

Kensi eyed him and noticed that he looked edgy with both of his hands inside the side pockets of his dark jeans.

"What are you doing here?" With her arms folded on her front, she asked.

Distinctly remembering his treatment to her days before in school and the way he acted in front of Andrew a while ago, she was furious.


	3. Chapter 3

After kissing her, he spent the following days convincing himself that she was just a friend and that all she will ever be to him. Deeks had a chaotic life. His father, Gordon Brandel, was still at large and the possibility of him showing up at their doorstep one day was huge. Dragging Kensi to the mess he called life was not what he wanted nor what she needed. He hated to admit but he couldn't afford putting her in trouble because of him.

But no matter how much he assured himself, the reality was she already stopped being just a friend to him. How? When? He couldn't tell. Somehow, all that time they spent together made him liked her more. More than just a friend. And he didn't want it. He didn't want to like her. But he did. And he didn't know how to stop.

So he avoided her for days and even snapped at her one time, hoping she will get mad at him and leave him alone. He thought it was a great idea, Kensi distancing herself from him. And he almost succeeded when 3 days had passed that he didn't see her. Deeks thought everything will be alright now. A few more weeks left, he will be gone for college and maybe then his growing affection for her will stop.

Green wasn't his favorite color but when he sighted her outside the ice cream parlor with a man he didn't know, it was the only color he saw. He tried to ignore the jealousy that was creeping inside him when the taller man held Kensi's hand like the way he held hers not so long ago but it got the better of him. He almost acted like a possessive boyfriend catching his girlfriend with another man. And that was wrong in so many levels. Deeks wasn't her boyfriend. She wasn't his girlfriend. That was the truth.

He was glad he was with Ray that time. His dependable friend pulled him away from them before things turn into worst and make him ruin what was left of his friendship with Kensi. When they were far enough to the two old friends, Ray made him confess the reason why he was acting like a jerk to her. For the first time since the kiss, Deeks admitted the truth; he liked her.

Ray joked how he got it bad, fancying Kensi, the girl that was the crush of many boys in their school. It was no secret to him that a percentage of the male population in their school was attracted to her and how they envied him because he was her friend. He, a nobody, who was rumored to have a criminal as a father, was Kensi Blye's good friend.

He had good grades and was intelligent enough. He didn't look bad and he even knew there were some girls who admired him. But it didn't put him to the few popular students' list. And he was okay with it, convincing himself that he didn't want people's eyes on him anyway. He was alright to just being a shadow, someone you will look at but won't talk to. He wanted to stay like that until he graduated and moved to MIT for college. That was his goal.

He drove to her home wanting to apologize. He stayed for a while in his car, collecting the courage he needed to face her, his imagination running wild thinking how mad she might be at him. He was about to climb out when Andrew's car came to view. Deeks watched as the two friends walked together towards the front door. Seeing Andrew hugged and kissed Kensi on the cheek, another bout of jealousy spread through him. He took several deep breaths calming himself and waited until the chestnut haired drove away.

Before she can enter the house, Deeks took the opportunity to talk to her so he called her name.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled almost incoherently.

"What?"

He knew she heard him the first time but she was Kensi, giving him a hard time was like her mission in life. "I said I'm sorry. Forgive me Kensi." He uttered in a louder voice this time.

"I don't know Deeks."

Deeks felt his world crumbling down. It looked like she wasn't going to forgive him. "Kens-"

"Did I do something bad to you? You've been avoiding me for days. You treated me terribly. You were rude to my friend, who by the way didn't do anything wrong to you. What's the matter, Deeks?" She chided.

"I-I was jealous."

Kensi paused. "What?"

"I was jealous alright?"

"What are you talking about?" Her brows furrowed in confusion.

He sighed. "Do you think I like it, Kensi? I don't. I didn't mean to feel this way. I don't want it. If there's any way to stop it, I would like to know so I can get rid of it."

"Deeks?" Now, she was really confused.

"I like you, Kensi. I don't know how, when or why it happened but you have become more than just a friend to me. Kissing you made me realize that. I'm sorry if I was a jerk to you. I wanted you to hate me." He took a step closer to her and was silently thankful that she didn't jolt away. "I thought I could forget how I feel for you if I didn't see you but all it did was made me missed you. Seeing you with another man brought unfamiliar feelings to me. I hate to admit but I was jealous Kensi."

"Y-You like me?"

"I do and I understa—"

His words were cut off by Kensi's lips pressing against his. It happened so fast. She cupped his face, pulled him towards her and gave him the kiss of his lifetime. A second later, Deeks was kissing her back. It wasn't just a peck, it was long, deep and passionate.

Both feeling the need for air, they separated.

"Y-You like me?" Kensi asked, uncertainty was in her voice.

"I like you Kensi and I'd like to think that you feel the same way too." He whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers, their noses were touching each other.

"Have I been too obvious?" Kensi retorted, grinning at him.

"You really like me?"

Blushing, she confirmed. "You have no idea."

Deeks couldn't believe what was happening. Thinking if this was just a dream, he preferred not waking up ever. He leaned towards her again, feeling the need to kiss her once more but was stopped by Kensi's hands on his chest.

"Wait."

"What?"

"Are we like dating now or something? I have never been in a relationship before. You…You are my first kiss, Deeks." She admitted timidly.

"I believe we could be great together, Kensi. If you are up to it, I want to be more than just your friend."

"You mean as my b-boyfriend?"

Deeks nodded. Just the thought of him as Kensi's boyfriend put a pleasant smile on his face. "That's what I'm thinking about."

"I believe that will be great. I want to be your girlfriend too, Deeks."

Deeks' smile was wide when held her by her waist and pulled her close to him. "And about me being your first kiss… I want to be your last one too." He whispered before their lips once again found each other.

"What's the meaning of this?!"

Flabbergasted, the couple parted automatically. Kensi and Deeks turned around and saw the front door open and an angry Julia's and an unreadable Donald's faces greeted them.

Kensi was nervous, not liking the way her mother's eyes were glaring at Deeks. "M-mom..."

Feeling Kensi's agitation, he held her hand letting her know that she wasn't alone. Despite his own anxiousness, Deeks felt the need to greet her parents properly. "M-Mrs. Blye..."

Before Donald can avert his wife, Julia was already marching towards the young couple hastily.

"You! What are you doing with my daughter?!" She yelled at Deeks. Seeing he was holding Kensi's hand, her eyes grew wide and hastily removed his grip on her daughter.

"M-mom, stop please." Kensi cried, surprised at her mother's action.

"Julia." Donald's mild voice halted the older woman as he strode towards them. "We should talk about it inside."

Julia seemed to calm down a little bit after hearing her husband. "Yes, we should do that. Kensi, let's go." Without looking at Deeks, she stormed back inside the house.

"Marty, I'm sorry son but we have to talk to Kensi first. You should go home, it's late. I'm sure your mother is already waiting for you." Donald said, giving the younger man a small smile.

"I understand sir."

Donald then turned to his daughter. "Fix yourself, bid goodbye to Marty and meet us in the living room, Kensi." He commanded before following his wife back inside the house.

"I'm sorry, Deeks." Kensi's tears started to fall.

"Hey, don't cry." Deeks cupped her face and gently wiped her tears away. "It's alright. You go inside. We don't want to anger them more. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

She swallowed her cry, nodded and held his hand. "I will not let anything come between us." She said with conviction.

Deeks can only give her a small smile before accompanying her up to the front door. "Goodnight, Kensi." He wanted to kiss her but afraid that her mom might see them again. He settled himself on giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Goodnight, Deeks."

* * *

Driving back home, Deeks was a nervous wreck.

When Kensi first introduced him to her mother, he already had a feeling that Julia didn't like him but was cordial enough whenever they will meet. He knew she was just being civil towards him because of Kensi. She didn't want to add another reason for her daughter to hate her.

'How is she going to accept that Kensi and I are now a couple?' Deeks wondered. He liked her daughter and was hoping that Julia will be okay with it but he didn't want to expect anything. For Kensi, he was willing to do everything to make Julia at least accept him. 'If only she is willing to give her a chance.' He thought sadly.

* * *

"Mom, please." Kensi was begging her mother, eyes already wet with tears.

"You are still young Kensi."

"But I know what I want."

"And what do you want?"

"I want... I want him. I want Marty." She answered bravely.

Julia's eyes were as wide as a saucer as she looked at her incredulously. "You have got to be kidding me! Tell me you're joking, Kensi!"

She shook her head. "I'm not kidding, mom."

"You want him like you wanted to be a bounty hunter when you were in 7th grade?! Or you want him like you wanted a baby tiger as a Christmas gift when you were 5 years old?! You still don't know what you want, Kensi. You are just being blind because you are always with him."

"No! It's not like that. Why won't you believe me? Marty is a good man." She pleaded.

"His father is a criminal!"

"I know that!"

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into, associating yourself to him!"

"It is not his fault that his father did all those things, mom, and it is not his mother's too. Don't blame him for his father's mistakes. You have no idea what he went through with him." She spat angrily.

"Can you believe how she was answering me now, Donald?" Julia turned to her husband who was sitting on the couch quietly observing them from the start. "Is that how that guy is influencing you, Kensi?"

"He has a name mom. His name is Marty. And to answer your question, no. I don't need him to tell me what is right and what is wrong! I can do that myself."

"I don't care!" Julia bellowed. "I don't care if he was even named after some saint! I don't want you seeing him again!"

"You can't make me do that!"

"I can and I will!"

"No!" Kensi said indignantly and strode upstairs, leaving her parents.

"Kensi! You come back here!"

* * *

She can hear Julia's loud voice called her from the inside of her bedroom as she slammed her door close. Suddenly feeling weak, she threw her body on the bed. Lying on her stomach, Kensi's tears began falling from her eyes. She felt bad. She didn't want to fight with her mother but Julia was being unreasonable. Deeks didn't do anything wrong, he didn't deserve to be punished for his father's crimes.

Kensi heard a knock and a creaking sound of her door opening. Donald's voice followed soon.

"Kensi."

She roused from her position as her father sat on the edge of the bed. They were seated side by side.

Kensi knew she needs to apologize for her behavior towards her mother. "I'm sorry, dad. I didn't mean to make mom so angry. I'm sorry I acted that way and answered her back."

Donald sighed before speaking. "Please understand your mother, Kensi."

Kensi eyed her father in shock. "D-Dad?"

He raised his hand signaling her to stop. "You are our daughter. Our only daughter. Our only child. You are our greatest treasure, Kensi. I hope you know how much you mean to us. Seeing you hurt or in pain will tear our world apart. We love you. We only want what's best for you. I hope you can understand that."

Tears fell from her eyes seeing how Donald was looking at her. There were so much love in her father's eyes that Kensi was overwhelmed. "I'm sorry."

"Who is Marty to you, Kensi?"

"I-I really thought he is just a friend. He had always been there for me. He helped me get over with mom leaving us. He is a wonderful person, dad, and I feel lucky to be his friend. But when he," She paused and looked at her father who was staring back at him, listening intently. She was hesitant if she should tell him about her very first kiss but decided to let him know anyway. Trying to hide the reddening of her cheeks, she bowed her head down and continued. "But when we k-kissed, suddenly everything seemed to be different. Like we had just awoken from a very long sleep and our eyes and hearts are finally open. It's like seeing him for the very first time again and I feel something very different for him."

"I understand that sometimes friendship turns out to be something more." Donald began. "But right now, there are still so many things you have to discover, plenty of things you still have to go through. I'm not saying that how you feel for each other is comparable to anything but you're only 17 and he's only 18."

"In the following month, he will graduate and will move to college in some other state and you'll be left here to finish your high school. After your graduation, you will, too, enter your chosen university. It will take years for the both of you to complete your studies. So many things are still bound to happen, Kensi. We just don't want you to jump into something so quick that you might regret later."

Kensi's shoulders fell thinking her father will make her stop seeing Deeks like what her mother wanted. Fighting her father was the last thing she wanted to do but they can't make her give up Deeks. She was true when she told him she will not let anything come between them.

"But if you are willing to give your feelings for Marty a chance, we can't do anything about it."

She was speechless at what she just heard. 'Did he really-?'

"D-Dad?"

Donald gave her a smile and held her hands. "I was once young like you are."

"Dad!" Throwing her arms around him, Kensi cried.

Donald welcomed her in his embrace. "I can't believe you are growing up so fast, my daughter." He commented while caressing her hair lightly. "You have to do things for your father though."

"Anything."

"I want you to apologize to your mother. You hurt her, Kensi."

She nodded, feeling guilty all of a sudden.

"I want you to be careful, always. Don't rush into things. If you can, take it slow. I want you to listen to your heart. Whenever you are in doubt, follow what your heart tells you. Are we clear?"

She once again nodded.

Donald stood up and was about to exit her room when he paused. "We'd like to talk to Marty soon, Kensi. And don't worry about your mother, I'll make her understand."

Kensi was overjoyed having her father's support and understanding. "I'll let Deeks know and thank you so much dad. I love you."


	4. Chapter 4

She heard him sigh again and couldn't help but catch his attention this time. "Deeks." Kensi called.

She was wondering why he had been silent after they left her mother's birthday dinner. It was held at one of the finest restaurants in town. And being her boyfriend, Deeks was invited.

"Huh?" Startled, he threw her a glance.

Julia's birthday dinner was finished an hour ago. On their way home, Kensi asked Deeks to stop by at the park, wanting to have a night walk. They have been dating for 2 weeks now and he couldn't be happier. Despite Julia's obvious animosity towards him, Deeks was glad that everything was going well for him and Kensi. When Kensi told him that her parents were okay with their relationship, he was astounded and was almost doubtful. But she assured him that although Julia was still not happy with him going out with her daughter, she acquiesced at Donald's request.

"Are you alright? You seem off."

"I'm fine."

Kensi hooked her arm on him and rested her head on his shoulder, a habit she formed since they began their relationship. "That's my line, Deeks. You don't get to use it especially if you're lying." She rolled her eyes at him but her smile didn't falter.

They walked several steps in silence before she speaks again.

"What are you thinking?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"Deeks."

Another sigh was let out before he speaks. "Us."

Kensi stopped on her track, feeling her heart jumped out of her chest as she began thinking of the worst. "W-What about us?"

He saw her girlfriend's face paled and knew immediately what she had in mind. "It's not what you think, Kensi." Deeks ran his fingers through his hair, hesitating to discuss with her his growing insecurities. "It's..."

Back at the restaurant, he was faced with the reality that he and Kensi don't belong on the same circle. He was aware of the glances he was receiving from the people around them upon learning that he was now her boyfriend. Deeks knew very well that no one was happy with his relationship with her, except for his mom and Ray who were both glad for him.

When her parents talked to him, he was very nervous that he almost fainted from hyperventilation. Donald made it clear that all he wanted was for his daughter to be happy. Julia, however, was frank enough to voice out that she thought Kensi could do better but at her husband's request, she will back down. Deeks promised them that he was serious with his relationship with their daughter and will do anything for her. In the end, Donald and Julia gave him their approval.

Maybe he was overthinking or maybe it was the pessimistic in him but his insecurities grew as days passed by. And seeing Andrew a while ago didn't help. He can tell Kensi was as surprised as he was when she saw her childhood friend sitting beside her mom when they entered the restaurant. Deeks wasn't a fool to not see that it was Julia's doing. He knew she was still discreetly planning on removing him from her daughter's life. He didn't want to tell Kensi about it, aware that it will bring more the mother and daughter apart. But he will not let his guard down. He had a strong feeling that Andrew was interested in his girlfriend. He can see it in the chestnut haired's eyes from the way he was looking at her.

"Deeks?"

"I know who I am and where my place should be. I know what I can and cannot do. I know I'm not good enough for you. I-"

"Stop it, Deeks. You know that's not true."

"But it is, Kensi." He insisted, clutching her arms, locking his eyes on hers. "Look at me. Look at what I can give you. And tell me you never think that you deserve something more. Because you do, Kensi."

She shook her head. "I never thought that you are less than what I deserve. It never entered my mind, not even for a second, Deeks. Do you have any idea how I feel about you? Do you know that just by looking at me, you're making me feel like I'm the luckiest woman there is. And if anybody will ask me why I chose you, my answer will be 'why not?'. You are a great guy, Deeks. You care for your love ones. You can be selfless at times but it's because of the goodness in you. And I'm saying this not to make your already big head bigger but you are handsome. I actually had a crush on you the first time we met."

Despite feeling down, her last sentence made him smile. He didn't know he was good looking for her.

"I can think of a million reasons as to why I chose you and will choose you over and over again. But there is only one very important for me." Kensi paused. Reaching up, she caressed his cheek softly. "I think I'm... I think I'm falling in love with you."

Deeks' face hardened. He grasped the hand touching his cheek almost painfully. "Don't, Kensi. Don't say it if you don't mean it."

"Why is it so hard for you to believe my words?"

"Because my dreams don't just come true. They usually don't. I've known that long ago." He answered in a voice filled with grief as he released his hold on her.

Realizing how hard life must have been to him, Kensi's heart ached for him. "Then you should start believing because I love you Deeks and I mean it."

Any objection he was about to say was cut off when she pressed her lips against his.

Through the years, Deeks had been accustomed to all the hardships life had been consistently throwing at him. Of all the sufferings he received, he was no longer aware of the prospect of being happy. He grew up with the mission of making sure his mother, the only one person in his life that he cared the most, was always alright.

But then she came along, a dark haired girl with the most beautiful hazel eyes he had ever seen and a perfect smile that unexpectedly became his home. Whenever he was with her and she would throw him a smile, Deeks felt like all the pains he had felt and all those miseries he had been through were in a way worth it if in the end he was going to be with her. Kensi didn't know but she brought him to a stage where he can start dreaming of a future, a future where they were together, living peacefully and contently. She didn't know but she made him begin believing that life isn't so bad after all and that he, too, can be happy.

"I love you, Kensi."

"I love you too, Deeks."

* * *

Kensi was leaning against the Brandel's kitchen counter, looking at Roberta as the older woman was busy making her son's favorite food. A smile was fixed on the younger woman's face watching Deeks' mother cooked her famous lasagna with obvious love.

"You do it like it isn't so hard to make, Roberta. When I tried doing it one time, I spent the entire day in the kitchen with all the pots and pans scattered around. I grew tired but finished it, only to end up with a tray of inedible food nobody in the house dared to eat." Kensi said with a pout in her lips. Her disappointment in her culinary skill was pretty obvious.

Roberta paused for a while then went to open one of the kitchen drawers and brought out a worn out notebook.

"For you." She said as she handed it to Kensi, who had a surprise look in her face when she turned the pages and read what were written inside.

"Y-You... I-Is this...?" Kensi couldn't make out a complete sentence in shock, her eyes turned watery.

The older woman simply smiled at her. "Keep it, Kensi. That was given to me by my mother, who received it from her own. I don't have plenty of riches to pass on to my family but I consider that as one of my few. You are a daughter to me and I want you to have it." She took Kensi's hand with hers. "You'll be needing it one day and I'll be glad if you will use it."

"I-I don't know what to say." Kensi whispered as she stared at the old notebook. Inside was a collection of tried and tested handwritten recipes with notes. They were clearly accumulated through the years. A priceless treasure indeed.

"There are still empty pages at the back, you can add yours, Kensi. And Marty's favorite lasagna is on page 25."

Kensi hugged her. "Thank you, Roberta."

"No. I'm the one who should be thankful. You're making my son happy, happiest than he has ever been."

Deeks entered the room and spotted his mother and his girlfriend holding each other. His brows arched in question when they seemed to be crying. "What's going on?"

They hid their faces to Deeks as they wiped their tears. Kensi, who was quick enough, answered. "Roberta is just telling me stories of how she found your self-made video singing and dancing Thriller."

"And you're in tears because of that?" He can tell she was lying.

"Oh, these are tears of joy son." It was Roberta who responded for Kensi.

The two women exchanged looks that Deeks wasn't sure of the meaning but decided to let it pass. "What's for lunch, mom?"

* * *

"It's beautiful!" She cried when she saw the silver band on her ring finger. Using her other hand, she traced it softly. Kensi gazed lovingly at her boyfriend who suddenly seemed to be out of words.

She should know better that he was up to something when she saw him outside her classroom patiently waiting for her. Her last class for the day just ended and she knew he will drive her home but was surprised when he asked her if they can go to their tree before leaving school. Kensi happily obliged, thinking that it was a good place to celebrate their first month to where it all began.

When they arrived, she was stunned to see a picnic was set up just under it. There was a basket filled with sandwiches, Twinkies and donuts, a pitcher of fruit juice and a tub of her favorite ice cream were conveniently placed inside a cooler waiting to be consumed. Kensi's mouth watered at the food in sight but held back shyly. She didn't want Deeks to think she was starving.

But her boyfriend really knew her so well and handed her a sandwich just as soon as they were seated. They ate silently, exchanging words only when needed. After they finished their meal, Deeks brought out a ring from his pocket. He gently took her hand and with his eyes locked on her flabbergasted face, he placed the silver band on her ring finger.

Letting out a sigh of relief, he gave her a smile. "Glad it fits."

"It does."

"Uhm, do you like it?" He asked almost uncertain with his gift idea. "I know it's too simple. But I really wanted to give you something special. If you want it re-"

Kensi placed a finger on his lips, halting him from speaking. "It's beautiful, Deeks. I love it. Thank you."

"Really?"

She nodded, giving her ring another look. A small letters M and K were engraved on top for everyone to see. "Martin and Kensi." She whispered.

"Yes, Martin and Kensi." Deeks looked at her seriously. Holding her hands with his, he began. "I don't know what the future is in store for us. I don't know if tomorrow you will still love me the same." He saw she was about to open her mouth to stop him again but it was his turn to press his finger on her lips. "Let me continue. All my life, I've never been sure in anything. I live everyday just wanting the days to pass by without thinking so much of what will happen tomorrow. But when you came, when I met you, suddenly I found myself believing that I can be happy. And I am certain that it's you who I want to be with. Only you, Kensi. Only you."

Kensi swallowed a lump down her throat. Hearing his words, she tried so hard not to cry. "I know they say we're still young. That life is full of uncertainties. That we will never know if there is still 'us' in the future. I say they are right. We are still young. Life is a mystery. That there are things that are bound to happen that may keep us apart. But never doubt my feelings for you. And know that I will try my hardest to be with you, come what may, Deeks."

"Come what may, Kensi." Deeks mumbled before cupping her face and capturing her lips, showing her how much she meant to him.

He had never felt this intensity of feelings before and he didn't realize he was capable of loving someone this much. Life is full uncertainties, Kensi was right. But he will, with all of his being, try to not let her go. Because a life without her is a life not worth living; that he was sure.

The couple spent the remaining time, before the school closes, seated next to each other with a smile on both of their faces, watching the view of the school backyard.

* * *

Deeks quietly entered his house. He felt a chill noticing how silent everything was. He can hear a woman's low cry from the kitchen. Reluctantly, he stepped in the room and paused at the sight before him. His mother was kneeling, crying on the floor. He can hear her whispers but couldn't understand her. His eyes went to the person lying next to her and felt his knees weaken.

Deeks saw Kensi unconscious on the floor. Her eyes closed, her face contorted in pain, and a dark red liquid was seeping from her and marring her blouse.

"Kensi!" He shouted.

Deeks bolted upright in his bed, gasping for a much needed air. He scanned his surroundings and saw he was in his room and he just had a nightmare.

A frantic Roberta came in hastily. "Marty?"

He heard worry in her voice as she sat on the edge of his bed, studying his face with concern.

"Is it the same as before?" She asked his son carefully, knowing that he wasn't new to night terrors.

With a shake of his head, he answered. "It's new m-mom." Tears filled his eyes as he remembered Kensi's bloody body on the floor. He closed his eyes hastily, trying to get rid of the picture from his very bad dream.

Roberta enclosed his son on a hug like she had done plenty of times before whenever she will woke up from his shout everytime he had a nightmare. She was relieved to feel him leaned on her. Not wanting to push him to tell her what he had dreamt of, she remained silent and began caressing his hair gently.

Deeks was suddenly feeling weak. He had nightmares before especially when they were still living in LA and whenever he would wake in it, his mother was already with him assuring that it was just a bad dream and will never happen. But tonight was different. Everything seemed to be so real. Roberta's cry. Kensi limped body. Her blood. Her shallow breathing. He knew she was in terrible state. Everything felt so true.

He cried. Deeks let his tears flow in his mother's embrace. He was afraid. What if his nightmare was a vision, warning him of the danger that was about to come? What if it was something inevitable? That it will happen no matter what? He couldn't lose her. Deeks wouldn't lose her.

* * *

Deeks was with his classmates when an idea entered Kensi's mind. She decided to ask Roberta's help to make something special for him. She wanted to cook him his favorite lasagna as a thank you for a very special picnic he set up last week. She also wanted to spend as much as time with him since he will be leaving after his graduation a week from now.

They never really talked about it but Kensi was sure that no matter where on Earth they will be, they will always find a way to be together. He maybe somewhere in Massachusetts while she was still stuck in California, it will not stop what they have. It will be hard but if Deeks was up for it, she was willing to try.

With a smile on her face, she parked her father's car in front of the Brandel's and climbed out. She was about to knock on the front door but noticed it was open.

"Roberta! It's Kensi." She called as soon as she stepped inside. She already talked to the older woman on the phone before driving there so she knew she was already waiting for her. Roaming her eyes around, she didn't see Deeks' mother.

"K-Kensi!"

She jumped into her position when she heard Roberta's voice on her back. Kensi turned and saw her standing on the kitchen door.

"Hi. I hope you don't mind, I already went in. The door is open." She stepped closer and greeted the woman with a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, is there something wrong?" Kensi asked when she flinched at her greeting.

"N-Nothing's wrong dear but t-today is not a good day. I-I have somewhere else to be. I hope you don't mind if I ask you to leave." Roberta answered quickly.

Trying to hide her disappointment, Kensi smiled. "Of course. We can do it next time."

Warily, Roberta watched her went to the door.

Kensi was about to step out when she remembered the tickets she was supposed to give her. They were ballroom dancing tickets she bought for the blonde woman and her friends.

"Oh, I almost forgot-"

Kensi's eyes grew wide when she saw the man standing behind Roberta when she turned.

He looked very familiar. And Kensi gasped when she realized she was looking straight at Deeks' eyes. But he was not her boyfriend. He was an older version of Deeks. The very familiar looking blonde haired man strode towards her and yanked her in her arms. "You should have left, dear." He said in a dangerous voice, smirking at her.

Before Kensi knew it, he was holding her hands with one of his as he began pushing her inside the kitchen.

"G-Gordon please. Let her go." Roberta pleaded.

"Shut up!" He hissed as he raised his free hand and backhanded her.

"Roberta!" Kensi yelped and tried to free herself from Gordon's tight grip, seeing the older woman fell on the floor. "You don't have to hurt her!" She argued angrily.

"You're a feisty one, aren't you?" He looked at her menacingly. "Looks like my son picked well this time."


	5. Chapter 5

10 years later

"…I'll see you again next week. I love you." He said, casting one last look at the headstone before turning and walking towards his parked car.

Digging inside his pocket for his key, Deeks couldn't help but throw another glance at the marbled stone. He sighed, unlocked the car and climbed inside. Seconds later, he was driving away knowing that 7 days later he will be back again, just like what he had been doing for the past years since his return to California 6 years ago.

Meanwhile, Kensi was fidgety while driving, thumping her fingers on the steering wheel consistently. She took a deep breath as she drove through the steel gate of the cemetery, her anxiousness was growing. Throwing a glance at the bouquet of flowers on the passenger seat, she didn't see a red car passed by hers. Driving inside was the person she had not seen for the past decade.

She had only been there a handful of times but she knew exactly where to go. With the direction forever stamped in her mind, she maneuvered her car nervously. Kensi fought her apprehension as she climbed out with the bouquet in both of her sweaty hands. Slow steps lead her to her destination.

Seeing the gravestone from where she was, her pace turned fast wanting to get there the soonest but she stopped abruptly. Kensi stiffened and the flowers she was holding fell on the ground in an instant. Her eyes were locked on what she was seeing at the front of the stone. Lying on the ground was an expertly placed huge bouquet of flowers. They were clearly fresh which means whoever put it there had not long been gone. Panicking and almost in tears, she roamed her eyes around, her mind was on the person she knew who would be there more often than her. She ran towards the gate on foot as quickly as she can, hoping to catch even just a glimpse of him.

Trying to catch her breath, she paused. She scanned the surroundings one more time before her shoulders dropped in resignation seeing there was no one around but her.

"D-Deeks…" She whispered his name for the first time in 10 years, as the tears she had been holding fell.

* * *

Minutes later, Kensi found herself sitting on the ground with her arms stretched out around her bent legs and eyes locked on the name that was carved on the stone in front of her. She looked at it in tears that she didn't bother to wipe, knowing it will be useless anyway since she can't stop crying. It had been 10 years but the pain of losing her was like brand new to her.

 _Roberta Brandel  
_ _A mother. An angel._

"I'm sorry." She began. She had so many things she felt she needs to apologize to the woman who treated her like a daughter that she didn't know how to even begin.

"I didn't get to visit you as often as I would have liked. I could tell you all my reasons but we both know you won't care anyway. I want you to know that I'm now here to stay. My application for NCIS OSP has been accepted. Starting on Monday, I'll be working in LA. It will be a little different from my previous job in Washington because I'll be doing undercover operations but I'll be closer to home. To you." A sad smile formed on her lips as memories of the days when she was with her came in her mind. Kensi felt her chest tightened as new set of tears wet her face. "I'll get to visit you more often now. I hope you are okay with it."

After her college graduation in UCLA, Kensi got accepted at NCIS and moved to Virginia to train. She was transferred to Washington after and had been there since then. When she found out that there was an opening at NCIS OSP in Los Angeles, she submitted an application. A week ago, she got a call from them telling her that she was accepted as a Special Agent.

"My job is hard and dangerous. There were times I got hurt, nothing serious though. I'd like to think you are watching me from up there. I know you wanted me to live, that's why you… y-you gave your life to save me. I'm trying, Roberta."

Kensi's shoulders shook as she cried. Tightening her arms that were wrapped around her, she closed her eyes hoping to stop herself from breaking but her tears were endless.

"I-I'm trying. I just don't know if I am living enough or I am just merely surviving. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was weak back then. I couldn't fight for myself, for you."

She took a deep breath to calm herself. "I am stronger now, Roberta. I already know how to fend for myself and the innocents. I will not allow another person to give up her life for me because I am too weak. I am stronger now and I wish I am making you proud."

Her gaze caught Deeks' flowers and unknowingly, her hand moved to touch the round pendant hanging on her neck. Her fingers twiddled with the silver band, stroking the engraved initials softly. She had long removed it from her hand and was now resting near her chest as a pendant. It still fits her though but Kensi wanted it closest to her heart. She didn't realize she had formed a habit of touching the ring whenever she felt she needed strength.

"Is he happy? Healthy? Did all your dreams for him came true?" She asked. "I hope so." She answered herself. "I want him to be happy. I want him healthy. And I pray that all of his dreams come true even if I can only wish for him from afar."

Kensi let out a sad sigh, remembering what almost happened a while ago. "I almost saw him today. I don't know if he'll be glad to see me. I don't even know what to say to him. When I think of it now, it's better that we missed seeing each other. At least, I can make him believe that I did what he wanted me to do."

Forcing a smile, she looked at Roberta's name. "You know I can look at his name and see what he has been up to all these years. It will be a little unethical but at least I'll know. I almost did it once. I was tempted to search for him in our database but I stopped before I even get to type his name."

"I can't know, Roberta." She whispered, her voice was filled with ache. "I can't know that he has moved on from me." Her fingers tightened on the ring as she weep. "I can't know that he is already living a life with someone else. Someone who isn't the reason he lost his only family. I can't know that." She shook her head in despair.

"I'm sorry. I let you down, I let him down. I'm sorry, Roberta."

* * *

 _10 years ago_

 _The funeral ended an hour ago. It was short, simple and solemn with Deeks, Kensi, Kensi's parents, Ray, some of Deeks' teachers, classmates and friends, and a few of Roberta's friends. All of them already left except for Kensi and Deeks who were standing a few steps away from each other. Deeks' gaze never left his mother ever since the ceremony started while Kensi had her eyes fixed on him all the time._

 _In her insistence and despite her parents' protests, Kensi decided to stay. She wanted to make sure Deeks will be alright. They never got the chance to talk since the incident. She didn't know if he was avoiding her though she had a feeling he was._

 _"Deeks." She whispered his name as she took a step closer to him._

 _As if broken from a trance, Deeks threw her a glance before returning his gaze back on Roberta. "You shouldn't be here."_

 _Kensi swallowed her cry hearing the indifference in his voice. "D-Deeks." Raising her hand to touch his shoulder, she paused when he turned to her._

 _"Leave Kensi. Please."_

 _She shook her head. "I can't. I won't." Her tears began to fall. "I am here for you_ _."_

 _"I want you to leave."_

 _"W-Why?"_

 _He took a deep breath. "I can't do this anymore."_

 _"What are you talking about?"_

 _"Us. L-Let's end this Kensi. I'm starting a new life in college and I don't... I don't want you to be a part of it."_

 _Kensi held her breath as she realized what he wanted. "Y-You're breaking up with me?"_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _She saw how he was avoiding her gaze and discerned the inner battle he was fighting. "You said you love me."_

 _She knew it was stupid to use his words against him_ _but she didn't know what else to do. Deeks wanted her out of his life but she can tell he needed her and she won't give up on him, on them, come what may._

 _"Love." He said the word as if remembering its meaning. "It will only get us hurt, Kensi, if it haven't already."_

 _"Don't say that."_

 _"What do you want me to say then?!" He asked angrily, grabbing her arms and forcing her to look at him. "Can't you see what happened?! Look where love brought us! You almost got killed because you are my girlfriend! Look at what happened to my mom! She loved my father, Kensi! The person who brought her so much pain! The person who killed her! She loved me! That she knew how devastated I will be if you die! She loved you! That she gave her life to protect you! She's gone because of that stupid love you are talking about!" Gasping for breath, he released her._

 _Kensi's felt her heart was shattering into million pieces seeing how broken he was and she couldn't blame him. Learning that your mother took the bullet that was shot by your father to save your girlfriend's life, Kensi didn't know what to do with that but she couldn't let him live in hatred. It will destroy him._

 _"It is because of that love that I am still standing here, Deeks. I am alive because she gave her life to protect me. Don't blame the reason she did that to what happened."_

 _He was silent and Kensi was hoping he was pondering on what she said. She was willing to fight for what they have if he was._

 _"I'_ _m sorry." He uttered after a while._

 _It was barely audible but she heard it clear. The resignation in his voice stiffened Kensi. It felt like he already made a choice._

 _"I don't know if I still know how to love. All I can feel is anger. I am angry at everything. At my father for being a bastard killer. At my mother for leaving me. At-" He paused._

 _"A-At me." Kensi finished it for him, uttering the words he couldn't say. She couldn't blame him if he was mad at her. She was angry at herself too. She was blaming herself too. "Y-You hate me."_

 _When he didn't argue with her, she realized why he wanted to end them. He couldn't see her and not be reminded of who he lost because of her. It broke her to let him go but knowing that she will only bring more pain to him she felt she was compelled to do what he was asking her to._

 _"Forget me, Kensi." He added._

 _"T-Teach me, Deeks." She answered in surrender, hiding the pain of her heart breaking. "Teach me to forget you because I don't... I don't know if I can. I don't know how. I don't even know if that is possible."_

 _"I-I'm sorry."_

 _With his last sentence, Deeks turned around and never looked back. He walked away not seeing Kensi sank to the ground and broke in tears._

* * *

 _She didn't know how long she had been there. Kensi didn't realize that the sun had set and darkness had already engulfed the surrounding, she was just staring at the ground to where Roberta was. She felt numb, as if all emotions left her. Her tears had long been dried and she couldn't cry anymore._

 _Two hands carefully grasped her arms and pulled her up, she looked at her father but didn't react. Kensi felt him dragged her away and towards the waiting vehicle. When she was inside, she closed her eyes and felt herself succumb to unconsciousness._

* * *

It was almost night when she returned from the cemetery. Meters away from her apartment, Kensi spotted a car parked just outside and instantly recognized its owner. She drove until she reached her place and sighted a man patiently standing outside her door.

"Hey." She greeted him when she was near.

"Hi." Andrew kissed her cheek.

Kensi opened the door and let themselves in. Flicking the lamp open, light flooded the living area of her one bedroom apartment. Wearily, she slumped her body on the couch.

Without a word, Andrew sat next to her and eyed her cautiously. "Tired?"

"I'm fine." She closed her eyes not wanting to see him reacting in her obvious lie. "How long have you been standing there?"

"An hour. Where have you been?"

Kensi ignored his inquiry by standing up to stride towards the kitchen. She can hear his steps following her. She took 2 cold bottles of beer from the refrigerator and handed one to him. Leaning against the counter, she looked at him as he twisted the cap open and gave it back to her before taking the one in her hand to open next.

"You cried." He commented, watching her swallow her drink.

"I didn't know you changed your name to Julia."

"Funny." Andrew shook his head hopelessly.

"What?" Kensi asked, innocent eyes were staring at her friend but a playful smirk was telling him a different story. "You asked like my mom, Andrew. What do you want me to say?"

"We worry about you."

She moved to go back in the living room and sat back to her previous position with him following her again.

"There's nothing to worry about and you can tell my mother that too." She said as soon as he can hear her, aware that he will report what he saw to Julia later that night.

Andrew chuckled. "We can't hide anything to you."

* * *

Silence fell over the two as they drink their beer. Half a dozen of empty bottles later, Andrew started again.

"It's been 10 years." He thread warily, knowing that he might find himself out in the street in a second if he wasn't careful. When he got no reaction from her, he turned on his seat to eye her. "Stop punishing yourself, Kensi."

"I am not."

Andrew raised an eyebrow.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look like you are fine. And please don't tell me to have my eye checked because we both know I am one of the few who can tell if you're lying."

Kensi placed her empty bottle on the center table and let out a sigh. Standing up, she stretched her arms up in her head. "I'm tired. It has been a long day, Andrew."

"No. You don't get to do that to me again, Kensi." He bolted upright and faced her. Kensi had dismissed him plenty of times before but he had enough, he won't let it happen again. "Listen." Andrew raised his hand to cup her jaw, catching her averting eyes with his. "It's been 10 years, Kensi. Start living. You still have your mom and dad who love you. You have me and I care about you so much that it pains me to see you still stuck on what happened in the past. You cannot change it, any of it. Roberta was gone. Marty left. But we are still here Kensi. And you are still here with us."

"I almost saw him. A while ago, I almost saw him. I saw his flowers. He was there, Andrew. Deeks was there but I missed seeing him." She said as she broke in tears. Kensi felt her friend's arms instantly wrapped around her, pulling her closer to him. "What do you think will happen if we see each other again? Do you think he is still mad at me? I can't forget him. I tried. He wanted me to so I tried." Closing her eyes, she reveled on Andrew's hand lightly caressing her hair.

"I can't speak for Marty but if I were him knowing how you've been living all this time, I will not be happy. I believe he loved you, Kensi and he wouldn't want to see you like this." He said, tightening his hug on his friend more.

* * *

Later that night and alone in her place, Kensi mulled over on how her life had been after the last time she saw Deeks.

For months after the incident, she fell into depression much to the grief of her parents and Andrew, who had been a constant in her sorrow-filled life since then. Her closed-off attitude came back again and she welcomed it freely, believing that her existence was something she didn't deserve.

In her mind, she was supposed to die. The moment Gordon took a shot at her, Kensi reckoned it was to hit her but Roberta took the bullet for her. And it was the older woman who died instead. It was Deeks' mother who bled to death not her. In her arms, Roberta whispered her son's name for the last time. And with that, Kensi lost not just one but two people.

Deeks.

'How can a love turned into hate in a second? Is the line between the two really thin?' She asked herself. Only a week before things went into chaos, they were happy, professing their love for each other, thinking that nothing and no one can tear them apart. 'Did they mock Fate that it decided to test them? Had their love only been a joke that it crumbled in an instant?'

They were young but Kensi believed that their love ran deep. For her, she was willing to fight for them. 'Easy for you to say.' She chastised herself. She was not the one who lost a mother. She was not the one who had to see the person she said she loved and be reminded that she was all alone now. Deep inside, Deeks quitting on them was right. Kensi understood. But it didn't make the pain any less. It hurt her. It broke her.

With the comfort of the people who love her suggesting that she seek psychological advice, slowly Kensi regained her life back. It helped that after a year she moved to LA for college. The new environment she was in and new people she met brought her another chance of living. And she did. She lived.

During her time in the university, Andrew pursued her and despite her initial reluctance, she accepted. They went out for two years. Their relationship had not been as intense as hers with Deeks. Theirs was sweet and steady. Andrew loved her, Kensi could tell. He tried to give her what she needed that time. But somehow, he felt he will never be enough for her because it wasn't him she needed. They ended their relationship amicably and were back to being good friends. Though their love for each other never fade, it became platonic.

Kensi tried to open her heart for other men several times for the past years but it all ended with them giving up on her, telling her that no matter what they did, she couldn't love them. She agreed. She had loved only one person and she was afraid she will love only one. It's funny how she and Deeks only had a month as boyfriend and girlfriend, the shortest relationship she had ever been in, but it became incomparable to anyone and anything. She loved only him and was afraid that she will love only him.


	6. Chapter 6

5 years later / Present time

"Everything is a lie?" The man asked the 2 men standing across from where he was seated.

"Hnh." Was all the dark blonde haired man's response, looking at him with his arms crossed on his front.

His shoulders fell as he pondered on what just transpired. "What's going to happen now?"

This time it was the taller buff man who answered him as he took a step towards him, clutched him on the arm and pulled him up. "You're going to jail."

With his hands cuffed on his front, he was helpless when he was dragged outside to what seemed like a living/dining area if only it was a house. His eyes immediately caught the dark haired woman wearing the dress he gifted her last night. It was a signature black mini dress that emphasized her lithe but toned body and was paired with black stilettos, also from him, that highlighted her smooth and long legs. She was standing with her back on them, looking at the closed window.

"Rachel." He called her _name._

Kensi closed her eyes and tried not to wince when she heard her alias. Rachel Diaz was a pseudonym NCIS Office of Special Projects created for her when she acquired the position as Paul Peterson's personal assistant. The rich businessman was suspected in funding a group of domestic terrorists and she was commissioned to gather enough evidence for NCIS to arrest him.

For two months, she worked as his personal assistant, followed him in his everyday activities and did what was necessary to earn his trust. At the first sight, Kensi knew that Paul instantly liked her and he didn't waste any time letting her know of his interest. Her _boss_ even suggested numerous times that she need not to work for him if only she will be interested in his _promotion._ And it was indeed a promotion, she thought sarcastically. But she knew there was no need for her to get involve with him in a more personal level to make her real mission a success.

Using her operational skill and with the help of Ops Center's technology, Kensi was able to acquire the necessary evidence that will cement their arrest. Alongside her teammates, Paul Peterson was apprehended and brought to the Boatshed for questioning.

Kensi turned around and saw him standing in handcuffs with G. Callen, the dark blonde haired man, one of the Senior Agents and the team leader, on his right and Sam Hanna, the taller buff man, also a Senior Agent and Callen's partner, on his other side.

"Rachel." Paul called her again, his eyes locked on hers, sadness in his voice. "I like you. The things I said to you, they are all true."

"Not for me." Was all she uttered.

The door opened and another two NCIS agents came in and lead Paul away.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Callen asked her when only the three of them were left, eyeing her carefully.

Kensi let out a weary sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Yeah. I'm fine."

She knew they were exchanging looks as if telling each other she was lying. She had been their team mates for 5 years now and were already aware of her 'I'm fine' line but she didn't care. The two men became the older brothers she always wanted but never had. Overtime, they became protective of her but trusted her to work with them and have their backs on the field.

She was a born operator according to Callen but after every mission she had, successful or not, Kensi felt she needed time to bring her true self back and today's job was no different.

Being Rachel Diaz drained her. She was used to beautiful things in life. Although not born with a silver spoon, her parents were able to give her a comfortable life. But as Rachel, it was more than a notch higher than hers. Paul showed her what money can really buy. She was with him in his business trips, social parties and other activities his presence was needed. And through all that, her appearance should complement his. Signature dresses, branded shoes and bags, finest sets of jewelry and a high end car were all provided for her.

She should at least feel delighted that she got to experience that kind of lifestyle for months but she wasn't. Men with money never attracted her. She had been attracted to only one. Only one man. She shook her head to quickly remove _him_ from her mind.

"Kens?" Callen saw her looking at her with questioning eyes.

"Huh?"

"You're zoning out." Sam commented.

Choosing to ignore their worried faces, she turned her back on them. Kensi took a deep breath before looking at them over her shoulder with the most genuinely fake smile she can manage. "Why don't we all go back to OSP? We still have paperworks to do and I have to give this very expensive dress and shoes to Hetty."

Callen who had been studying her knew better than make her work in her current state. "Go home, Kensi. We can tell this case took a toll on you. Have a day off and take a rest. You can give Paul's gifts to Hetty tomorrow. We'll talk to her."

She let out a sigh, knowing not to hold his decision against him. He was just thinking of her and what's best for the team. "Okay. Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow."

Waving at them, she let herself out of the Boatshed.

* * *

Out from the high-priced dress and shoes, Kensi, now donning a worn out shirt and a pair of jogging pants with holes in it, was lying on the couch of her living room with a tub of rocky road ice cream in hand, watching her favorite reality TV show. She almost jumped in surprise when she heard the telephone rang. Glancing up at the wall clock, she sighed.

She put the almost empty tub on the center table and reached for the handset. "Mom," She greeted the only person she knew who would call her that exact time.

"Hi dear. We missed you. How have you been?" Julia's excited voice made her close her eyes and prayed that her instinct was wrong this time.

'Just this once, please.' She begged no one. But as always, luck was not in her favor.

"I saw my friend, Kim, on the supermarket today..." The older woman began and Kensi's fingers started to twitch in despair. Mindlessly, she reached for the ring pendant hanging on her neck. Also as always, it calmed her. She only caught the last part of Julia's long dialogue. "...he is going to call your cellphone anytime tomorrow."

Suddenly feeling alarmed, she tried standing up and fumbled on her way. "Who's he?"

"Carlo. Kim's nephew. Haven't you heard anything I said, Kensi?"

"I'm sorry mom. I'm just tired." Sitting back, her fingers were now rubbing her aching temple.

Julia's voice turned soft. "Oh alright. You should rest, dear. Call me when Carlo phoned you, okay?"

"Yeah, I will."

Several minutes of traded news between each other and a short chat with her father, who reminded her not to forget her vitamins, later, Kensi put the handset down and sighed, feeling more weary than before.

Julia, like a good mother she was, was always on her back. No little things didn't get unnoticed by the older woman's inquisitive eyes. She was thankful to her for every effort she put on making sure she was alright but Kensi wanted her to back down on her matchmaking mission.

She was 32 and had a career that occupied most of her time and she was proud of it. She was 32 and single and that's what her mother only saw. So from time to time, like almost every month, Julia subjected her in blind dates. It was easy to say no to her everytime she will give her a name of a man who will call her but Kensi didn't want to disappoint her mother who, according to Donald, was only thinking of her welfare.

Turning the television off, she decided to retire for the night. She stood up again and took the ice cream to put it back in the freezer. After making sure all her doors were securely locked and her clutters were cleaned, Kensi went to bed. Her last thought was the expected dreadful call of a man named Carlo. She wished something eventful will happen at work that will busy her tomorrow.

* * *

She entered the bullpen just like any other ordinary day. With a laptop bag hanging on her shoulder, a cup of coffee in one hand and a maple donut on the other, Kensi walked her way in, seeing her teammates almost immediately.

"Hi guys!"

Callen paused from typing on his laptop to turn to her. "You're cheery."

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled in response as she temporarily bit her donut to free her hand so she can place her bag on her desk. Kensi plopped to her seat and started enjoying her breakfast.

"I thought you'll be eating less sugar these days." Sam mentioned.

"I am."

"How many have you had?"

With her mouth full, she answered. "Uhm...Thxfie."

Both men's brows creased in confusion at her reply.

As soon as she swallowed the food completely in her mouth, she repeated. "I said three."

"And that's less how?" Callen asked with a smirk on his face.

"Well, if you've been Rachel for 2 months you will understand me. God, if you only know what I only ate during those days...This...this is just to help me recover." She finished her sentence with a long sip of her coffee.

The men shook their head and returned to their paperwork, choosing to let go.

* * *

The 3 agents were preoccupied with writing their reports, exchanging remarks and banters now and then, when Eric Beale, OSP's Technical Operator, descended the staircase. The man with a short blonde hair, who was dressed as if he was on the beach, was wearing his usual white shirt underneath an open printed buttoned down polo paired with khaki shorts and flip flops.

With a tablet in hand, he whistled at them. Automatically, the 3 raised their heads.

"We got a case." He announced before running back upstairs.

Callen, Sam and Kensi readied themselves to follow Eric upstairs but a voice from their back halted them. It was from Hetty Lange, OSP's Operations Manager. The older woman called Kensi's name and the Junior Special Agent turned around.

"You two gentlemen may proceed but I need a word with you, Ms. Blye."

"What did you do?" Sam's teasing whisper added to her wondering.

"I don't know. I already gave her the dress and shoes." Kensi couldn't think of anything her boss would want from her. Since she was Hetty, a woman known to puzzle each and everyone she meets, she put her mulling over away.

The 3 heard their boss cleared her throat and saw her hand motioning for the men to ascend the stairs. Callen and Sam glanced at their teammate, who gave them an assuring smile, before proceeding to know their latest case.

Kensi was left looking at her boss who had an unreadable face.

When Hetty turned and strode towards her office, she wordlessly followed.

* * *

Seating across her boss, Kensi's mind was on what she thought she did or didn't do that put her on that place right now. As far as she knew, Paul Peterson's case was a success. He was arrested and everything went well according to plan. Nobody got hurt or died. Evidence was securely gathered. Everyone was happy except for the bad guy, Paul, who will spend most of what was left of his life in jail. It was like a Disney-made mission, if she was going to joke about it.

"Miss Blye."

Kensi straightened from the chair when she was called. "Yes, Hetty?" She asked in anticipation.

Cautiously but clearly, her boss spoke. "Do you know a certain...Martin Brandel?"

She didn't know how many seconds or minutes she had consumed staring back at Hetty with wide eyes, paled face and a mouth a little open. Of all the reasons running in her mind that made her seat there, _he_ was not one of them. "D-Deeks?" It took another 5 years for her to mention his name out loud again.

Hetty gave her an understanding nod. "Yes. I believe he goes by the name of Martin Deeks nowadays, Miss Blye."

"Martin Deeks." She repeated softly afraid that he might appear on her front any moment now.

* * *

Kensi climbed out of her car, sighting her teammates who were standing next to each other just a few feet away from her, talking. Callen and Sam were obviously surprised to see her. They looked at her, concern was evident on their faces. The two Senior Agents had just been on the scene of the crime without her and now were on the victim's workplace to question his business partners. She took the opportunity to meet and join them.

She didn't know what they probably know about her past with their current person of interest but seeing the worry in their eyes, she discerned that they have learned enough.

"Kens?"

"Are you sure about this?"

The 2 men asked her at exactly the same time and she would have laughed at their apprehension if only she wasn't feeling anxious herself.

She remembered the last part of her conversation with Hetty, before she drove there.

* * *

 _"I won't pull you out of the case, Miss Blye. Decide it yourself. And if you deemed to join your teammates, I want your focus not less than your usual. A hundred percent. I want your hundred percent. If you can't do it, don't. The choice is yours, Agent Blye."_

 _It didn't take long for her to decide. Giving her boss a curt nod, Kensi's voice was filled with conviction as she voiced out her choice. "I can do this, Hetty."_

* * *

"I can do this, guys." Again, she repeated her previous answer. She stared at them, wanting them to see that her decision was final and she was there as Agent Blye.

Callen and Sam gazed at her warily, looking straight into her eyes as if they can reach the depth of her seriousness. 'There's no backing out now.' She convinced herself. Satisfied with her assurance, the men smiled. They didn't see her let out a relief sigh.

'Maybe it's time.' She thought when they were striding towards the front desk of DMV Technologies. They will see each other again, she was sure of that. Maybe in another place, in another time. But in some way, it happened now and for a reason Kensi believed that this was something inevitable. That this time was the right time.

A young woman, they presumed was the receptionist, smiled and greeted them as soon as they were near.

They took out their badges and showed it to her.

"We're here for Mr. Martin Deeks." Callen uttered, giving the young woman a small smile. "Ms. Carol." He added as he read her name on the name tag pinned on her chest.

Before Carol could answer, a man's voice was heard on their left. "I'll handle it."

The team spun to see him.

"Kensi?"

"Ray?"

Both stunned to see each other again, they laughed when they noticed they were just staring at each other. Kensi saw her teammates eyeing them curiously and she tried to go back to her job.

"You work here?" She asked her old friend who was still sporting a long blonde hair.

Ray nodded, showing them his ID. "Yeah. Head of the security. Ray Martindale at your service."

She introduced him to Callen and Sam and vice versa. They all exchanged handshakes.

Kensi could tell he was shocked to learn that she was now a federal agent.

"Agent Blye. I can't believe you're working for NCIS now." He commented, disbelief was apparent in his voice. "Has it really been that long?"

She just grinned at him.

"Is Mr. Deeks available? We're here to ask him a few questions." Callen spoke, not wanting to waste important time.

"Yeah. He's actually expecting you in his office. Mr. Deeks was told your agency will be here. Let me get you to him. This way please."

"Who told him we'll be here?" Sam asked.

"His client, the Navy." Ray simply answered as he guided them towards the elevator.

When it opened, the four went in and Ray pressed the number of his boss' floor.

"How long have you been working here?" Kensi couldn't help but asked.

"8 years. When Marty and his 2 partners build this company, he contacted me and offered me a job. DMV Technologies is still small back then with only the three of them as head engineers and 4 additional programmers. Over the years it grows and is now one of the most competitive software companies out there." He narrated with obvious pride in his tone.

"That's great."

Hetty already gave her the information about how Deeks had been through the years during their talk a while ago.

* * *

 _"H-How is he?" That was the only question she could think of after learning that Deeks was now Martin Deeks._

 _Hetty opened a folder resting on her front and glanced at its content before sliding it towards her._

 _She shook her head immediately as she closed the folder without even throwing an eye on it. "I-I can't." Kensi was scared. She didn't want to know that her fears were now a reality._

 _"I understand." The older woman took the folder back. "When he graduated at MIT, he moved back here in LA. Alongside his college classmates, they built a software company, DMV Technologies. It's the acronym of their surnames. D stands for him, Martin Deeks. M is for Sydney Marshall and V is for Robert Vaughn, our victim. 6 years ago, they are hired as a defense contractor by the Navy. Their company specializes in radar technologies that are used in battleships amongst others."_

 _"Early this morning, Robert Vaughn was found battered to death in his beach house in Malibu, evidence of torture was established. SecNav was alerted immediately. According to her, DMV is currently working on an undisclosed technology and if this technology went into the wrong hands, our marine fleet will be in great risk. SecNav wants this case closed immediately. Arrest the killer and make sure that DMV isn't compromised."_

 _She can only nod with Hetty's briefing. Her boss didn't tell her anything about Deeks' personal life and Kensi was grateful for that. She was an NCIS Special Agent and she will do her job accordingly. There was no need for her personal issues to get involve in this case. She can only hope she can maintain her will to perform her best._

* * *

Kensi was overwhelmed with Deeks' success. She knew he'll do great, Deeks was intelligent and with a perseverance like nobody else she knew. Her eyes welled up imagining how Roberta would have been proud of her son but she immediately blinked back her tears.

When they heard the familiar ding sound of their ride, she composed herself as best as she can. Darting her eyes between Callen and Sam, she gave them a nod, wordlessly telling them that everything was fine.

The elevator door opened and they were welcomed in a large and spacious office floor.

Ray strolled first and they followed. He walked towards a woman in a desk. "Hi Terry. Is Mr. Deeks inside?"

Terry, Deeks' secretary, nodded gazing at his companions warily.

Callen, Sam and Kensi showed their badges.

"We're NCIS Agents. We'd like to talk to him." Sam said, hiding his impatience.

Terry turned to Ray. "Should I alert him of your presence, sir?"

"Sure." Ray answered quickly.

He knew how flabbergasted his old friend would be when he sees Kensi. He was aware of how their love story ended, Deeks told him about it years ago in passing. Giving him a heads up of his ex-girlfriend's presence, Ray was somehow protecting them both from uncertain emotion that will or will not flood the room a moment from now.

Terry pushed the button of the intercom and a man's gruff voice was heard.

"Yes?"

 _Deeks._

Kensi stiffened hearing his voice again. 'It's him.' Her mind cried. She could never forget how he sounds. The voice was definitely mature than the last time she heard it but it was clearly him. Taking several deep breaths, she tried to calm herself but to no avail. She can feel her heart pounding quickly in her chest.

"Sir, Mr. Martindale is here with 3 NCIS Agents. They said they want to ta-"

Before Terry could finish her sentence, Ray, to the surprise of everyone around the room, grabbed the intercom and pressed it himself. "Agent G. Callen, Agent Sam Hanna and Agent Kensi Blye of NCIS are here, Marty." He said too rapidly, hoping Deeks was able to pick Kensi's name in his words.

There was a pause.

Kensi closed her eyes and absently held her pendant, hidden underneath her blouse, with her now cold fingers.

Still a pause.

"L-Let them in."

Ray turned to them but his eyes settled on Kensi. "Let's go." He started stepping towards the closed double door on the end of the corridor.

Callen and Sam were quick to follow his lead.

Kensi took a step before stopping. There was no hesitation in her, only nervousness. With her hand on her chest, still holding the ring pendant, she tried to appease herself before continuing to stride following her companions.

Kensi and Deeks were going to see each other again after 15 years.


	7. Chapter 7

_15 years ago_

 _"Teach me, Deeks." He looked at her and saw her face trying to conceal the pain she was suffering . "Teach me to forget you because I don't... I don't know how. I don't know if I can. I don't even know if that is possible."_

 _Deeks knew he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Gazing at Kensi, he can tell of the hurt he was putting her through. He will never forget her eyes quietly pleading her to let her be there for him. Despite her weakening stance, it was clear that she was still holding onto what was left between them after everything that happened._

 _He should have cradled her in his arms, wiped her tears away and whispered in her ear the words 'I love you. Don't worry, we'll make it through. We are stronger than this, Kensi. Come what may, we'll be together.'_

 _"I'm sorry." Was what he uttered instead._

 _Turning his back on her and walking away were what he did instead._

 _With each hurried stride that he took dragging him away from Kensi, the pain he was striving to contain had become unbearable. He was only a few steps from his car when his knees betrayed him and he stumbled onto the ground, tears falling from his eyes. Deeks wanted to crawl back at her. He wanted to call her name. 'Will she be there? Will she answer to his cry?'_

 _He shook his head in disbelief and laughed soundlessly in anguish while his heart was breaking into tiny pieces. Just last week he was happy. He and Kensi celebrated their first month with a promise that no matter what they will be together. Come what may, those were their exact words. Just last week his mother was healthy and alive._

 _Now, all was gone. He should have known that everything was just a dream and life will have a funny way of waking him up. His life that was once filled with love from Roberta and Kensi, was now full of anger and helplessness. In one flick of Gordon's gun, the whole thing had turned upside down and he didn't know how to get through with it._

 _He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Until all what was left inside of him was numbness. Deeks didn't know how he did it or where did he get the energy but he stood up and headed towards his car. He drove away and never looked back, aware that he just left his 'home'._

* * *

 _"Teach me, Deeks. Teach me to forget you because I don't… I don't know if I can. I don't know how. I don't even know if that is possible."_

Kensi. 15 years. It had been a decade and a half since he last saw her and her smile, last heard her laugh and last felt her body in his embrace.

When Deeks started college, he put all his effort in succeeding in his chosen course. Suddenly, just passing his subjects was no longer enough for him. As if putting his mind elsewhere will make him forget the pain he was in. As if focusing on his academics will remove the fact that he was now alone. As if tiring himself from hours of studying will make him sleep soundly at night and not see Kensi's smiling face in his dream and be reminded of the tragedy that convinced him that he deserves everything but happiness.

Kensi. 'How is she?' When he asked her to forget him, he was hoping she would. He didn't deserve her and all the goodness in life that she was. Deeks wanted her to forget him and he did that more for himself than her. Because a person like him was bound to only bring pain to her. Kensi was worthy of more. She ought to have the best of everything and he learned the hard way that he could never be one of the best for her.

If one day he will see her again, happy, content, living a comfortable life and probably with a husband and a child or two, Deeks will be the most glad because that was all he wanted for her. If one day he will see her again and learnt that all his dreams for her came true, he will feel the luckiest because he will then know that he did the right thing. Saying goodbye to her and staying out of her life were the hardest decisions he had ever made. And if one day they will see each other again and the hurt and loss they have both been through were now forgiven and forgotten, maybe, just maybe only then he could forgive himself for the pain he knew he caused her.

Sooner or later he discerned that they will see each other again. He was aware of her weekly visits to Roberta's grave that began 5 years ago. The first time he recognized her presence was when he saw a second bouquet of flowers that were rotting next to his when he visited his mother a week after his last. Her name came in his mind instantly. Kensi was the only person he could think of who would be there except for him. And to his surprise it became a constant. Every week without falter, there were always flowers left on the ground for Roberta.

If he wanted he could take the chance and see her during one of her visits. But he didn't try. He couldn't. It's enough to know that she was close. It's enough to know that she was thinking of his mother. For Deeks, it's enough to realize that some things were not meant to be forgotten.

'Agent Kensi Blye of NCIS?' Did he hear it correct? Ray's words were too fast and his mind was on the tragic and unexpected demise of his friend and business partner that he was doubtful if what he caught was right.

Noticing his finger was still on the intercom and the people on the other side were patiently waiting for his reply, Deeks mumbled. "L-Let them in."

He stood up from his chair and walked around his table to stand a few steps from the still closed doors. Agitation was creeping in him as he waited. The pounding in his chest was becoming louder and louder each second that passed.

It didn't take long before the door hissed opened. Instantly, he darted his eyes on the entrance. Ray went in first, followed by 2 men, a dark blonde haired and a large buff man.

His breath was caught in his chest as _she_ stepped inside, closing the door softly before turning towards him. Deeks couldn't believe it himself. After 15 years, there she was. Kensi. He was staring at her, wondering if she was indeed real. He didn't want to make the same mistake he had done plenty of times before when he thought he saw her by accident but was sadly mistaken. He didn't want to remember all the countless time he dreamt of her, smiling at him with her glistening hazels. And how he often times imagined what she would looked like older.

But his imagination didn't do her any justice. Staring back at him were still the most beautiful and expressive eyes he had ever seen. Her still dark tress was now longer than before, tied in a ponytail behind her head. She grew up but still was not as tall as him. Her body, although slender, was toned with muscles all in the right places that was most probably from all her trainings. Simply wearing a plaid button down blouse, a pair of jeans, and leather boots, Kensi couldn't look more remarkably gorgeous. Despite her own astonishment upon seeing him, Deeks noticed how she quickly held herself collected. After 15 years, there she was, standing a few steps across from him, with a certainty and determination of a true federal agent.

* * *

Deeks. Kensi was having a hard time keeping herself standing up. There he was. After 15 years, they met again. A decade and a half after, he looked as handsome as ever. No longer a slim and almost geeky boy from before, he was now built although not scary huge built, she assumed was from spending time in a gym. His shaggy blonde hair didn't change. He had a scruffy beard, she was surprised. Gone were his casual shirt and dark jeans. He was donning a light blue long sleeves that were folded in the arms and a pair of beige casual slacks. Gone were his rubber shoes. On his feet were a pair of brown loafers. He had matured but his boyish charm that she always loved was still there, she can tell.

Kensi tried to maintain her calm demeanor under his intense gaze but it was beginning to fumble. Squaring her shoulders, she hid her agitation. Honestly, she didn't know what to do or how to react in his presence. Should she walk over to him and give him a hug? Will it be weird if she run her fingers through those fluffy blonde strands like the way she used to do frequent times in the past? How about a kiss on his lips instead?

She saw him moved and was about to open his mouth when the door opened and a red haired woman emerged frantically.

"Marty!" She cried as she rushed to where Deeks was.

Kensi watched as he opened his arms and the woman pressed herself against him with familiarity.

"I can't believe it. Is it true? Robert?" Crying, the red haired tilted her head up.

Deeks slowly nodded. As he wiped her tears away, he answered. "Yes."

The remaining people in the room, including Kensi, were watching the exchange quietly. She wanted to look away, turn her head to the side so she couldn't see the way he was stroking the woman's hair gently, calming her down. She wanted to disappear instantly when the woman removed herself from his grasp only to brush her lips against his. It was short and light, the pair was obviously aware that they were not alone, but the pain that struck Kensi's heart was undescribable.

This was the reality. Her reality. She had plenty of questions in her mind about him. Questions that she was afraid of the answers. Now, some of it were staring at her face. Deeks had moved on. He had a life with someone else now. Someone who hadn't given him so much pain. Someone who wasn't her.

Her thoughts were cut when she heard him speak. When she realized that she was holding _his_ ring instinctively, she pulled her fingers away from it as quickly as she can, dropped her hand to her side and composed her body. Remembering her words to Hetty, Kensi tried to get rid of the painful throbbing of her heart and do her work. One hundred percent. She promised her boss and the team that she will give her hundred percent and that's what she was going to do.

"I apologize, we are still dealing with what just happened." She heard him say.

Callen replied curtly. "We understand. We're sorry for your loss."

"Marty Deeks. This is Sydney Marshall. We were Robert's business partners." Deeks introduced themselves.

She watched them both outstretched their hands in greeting.

Kensi was indebted that their team leader took the initiative to acquiant them to the pair.

"Agent G. Callen." He took Deeks' hand for a handshake followed by Sydney's. "Agent Sam Hanna."

Sam followed Callen's move and shook their hands.

"Agent Kensi Blye."

She took his hand and shook it. Kensi gazed at their melded palms and tears formed at the back of her eyes as she remembered the surreal feeling they both had the first time their fingers intertwined. Before anyone can notice her turmoil, she tugged her hand away and proceeded to take Sydney's.

"Kensi? Your name sounds familiar." The redhead blurted out, her face showing innocent wonder.

"Uhm, we have a few questions for the both of you." Callen interrupted, discerning his teammate's growing distress.

Always the reliable, Kensi thought gratefully of their team leader and quietly reminded herself to give him a hug later.

"Of course." Deeks led them all to the sofa set in one corner of his office.

* * *

"But it was scrapped 3 days ago." He uttered, baffled expression marring his face.

Seated across from the couple, the 3 agents discreetly exchanged wary looks. They were questioning the pair for several minutes now when Sam brought out DMV's project for the Navy in the conversation.

"Scrapped?"

Deeks nodded. "Discontinued. It was Robert's project actually and he had been working on it for months. Unfortunately 3 days ago, he told us that it was a fail and notified us that he will discard it immediately. We haven't had a chance to discuss it with the Navy before this tragedy happened."

"So you cannot confirm if it has been successfully destroyed?"

"What are you insinuating Agent Callen?" His voice was low but hard.

Kensi's gaze flew to Sydney's hand as it went quickly to his arm, stroking it lightly. She watched as Deeks' previous defensive face softened in an instant. The calm that the redhead's caress brought in him added to her ache. There was once a time when it was her who had that kind of effect in him, once it was her touch who can provide comfort in his swirling emotion.

"All I am saying is that this technology we are talking about, if finished, can be used for or against the government. And in this critical time, we cannot afford to be complacent that our own weapon will not be used against us. I'm sure you can understand us, Mr. Deeks." Callen explained.

It was Sydney who spoke. "DMV has been in partnership with the government for 6 years now. We are providing technologies that are beneficial to the Navy. We can assure you that we are as trustworthy as before. Although we cannot confirm right at this moment that Robert's software isn't compromised, we will surely double check everything."

Somewhat convinced with the woman's answer, Callen remained silent.

Kensi caught Deeks' eyes locked on her, staring at her intently. She was fluent in different languages, could read lips, abled to shoot from a distance and knew Morse Code but she couldn't tell what he was thinking behind those baby blues right now. 'Does he still hate me? Can he look at me now and not be in pain because I remind him of his mother?' She wanted to ask him those questions but knew better than make him recall their painful past. Feeling uncomfortable, she chose to look away. Turning her face to her left, she spotted Ray, standing on the corner, giving her an uneasy smile as if he knew of her quiet suffering. Pretending she was fine, she returned it with a small smile of her own.

* * *

Deeks couldn't shy his eyes on her. Tried as he might, he couldn't stop looking at her. He was afraid that she might disappear if he even blink. He was well aware of her colleagues' suspicious stares that they were not so deliberately throwing at him. If it was about their case or they knew of his past with Kensi, he couldn't say, he didn't care anyway. He had to give it to the 2 men though, despite their obvious unsatisfied reaction with how Robert's case was going, they remained passive. They were good, he thought.

It was palpable that Agent Callen and Agent Hanna were protective of her and he was grateful that they were. Their job was dangerous and thinking of her safety, Deeks was glad that she had competent people who can protect her. Not that Kensi needed any. Studying her actions and the way she was holding herself, he noticed that she was an experienced agent and with knowledge and expertise that will match the 2 gentlemen. A federal agent like she had always dreamt of, he recalled. Learning that she had been what she wanted to be, Deeks couldn't help but feel proud of her.

Seeming uneasy with his gaze, she turned away and it saddened him. There was once a time when he used to stare at her and whenever she would notice it, she would just smile at him and would kiss his lips in return. Several times they were just staring at each other, no words needed, just comfortable in each other's silent presence. 'Has she forgiven him for giving up on her? Has she forgotten the pain he put her through?' Deeks wanted to know.

A gentle pat on his hand pulled his eyes away from Kensi reluctantly. He turned to the woman sitting next to him, looking at him worriedly, and managed to smile at her.

* * *

Striding through the DMV Technologies lobby, the 3 agents were about to exit the building after completing their interview with Deeks and Sydney when Kensi's cellphone rang.

"I have to get this first. I'll see you back in Ops." She said to Callen and Sam.

"Okay. Eric texted me, they found something in Robert's laptop." Callen replied before leaving the premises along with Sam.

Kensi was left to answer her phone and a smile formed on her lips seeing who the caller was.

"Hello Andrew." She greeted her long time friend excitedly, not wanting him to discern how she was really feeling. His friend, a minion of her mother she jested, had a way of knowing if there was something wrong with her.

"Hi. I hope we're not disturbing you. There is someone here who would like to say 'Hello'." The man from the other line uttered.

"Put her on please." She couldn't help but smile wider upon hearing her godchild's soft voice. Listening to Keanna, Andrew's 3 year old daughter from Jackie, his wife of 4 years, the heaviness in her heart lessened. "Hi there, baby! How's my little princess today?"

Deeks stopped on his track when he overheard her words. 'Andrew? Her childhood friend Andrew? Baby? Little princess?' When Kensi left with her teammates, he decided to follow her. He wanted to talk to her, feeling the need to spend just a little more time with her.

Ignoring Sydney's confused glare, he left his office with the hope of reaching Kensi before she left the building. He immediately saw her a few steps from the door just in time when she answered her cellphone. Deeks felt his chest tightened hearing who she greeted on the other line. Image of Kensi and Andrew together and with a child, a little girl most probably, flooded his mind and he couldn't ignore its painful effect on him. Running his fingers through his hair, he opted to leave. He turned away but stopped when he heard her voice.

"Deeks?"

After ending her call with Keanna, Kensi was stunned when she spotted him standing a few steps from her looking upset.

Deeks closed his eyes, relishing for a moment the fact that she just called him by her nickname for him like the way she used to do before. _Deeks._ Her voice, although filled with apprehension and hesitancy, was soft and with undeniable concern. He fluttered his eyes open and saw her staring at him, unspoken questions in her eyes. He watched as she placed a hand on her chest, her fingers were clutching at something underneath her blouse. Curiosity grew on him as he noticed that this wasn't the first time he had seen her do that. Back in his office, he caught Kensi doing the same thing not just once. "C-Can we talk?"

* * *

Standing next to each other at the DMV rooftop, Kensi and Deeks had been silent since they arrived, neither one knew how to break the ice.

When he asked her if they could talk, she was hesitant at first. Kensi didn't trust herself to not breakdown or do something she might regret later if there were only the two of them now. But the idea of her spending just a little bit more time with him outweighed any sensible thoughts she had left. She was quiet when he ushered her to the rooftop of the building.

Glancing at her wristwatch, she knew she couldn't stay much longer. "I-I have to go back to work."

Deeks raked his hand through his hair in frustration. He brought her there to talk but he couldn't find a single word to say to her and now, she was due to leave. "A-Alright."

With hesitation, she turned around and began heading to the door. Her hand was already on the knob and was about to twist it open when she felt a presence behind her. It happened too fast. The next thing she knew, she was wedged between the door on her back and Deeks on her front.

"W-Wha-?" She didn't get the chance to continue her word when he closed the distance between their faces. Kensi could only shut her eyes when she felt his lips crushed against his. Parting her mouth, she was rewarded with him deepening his kiss and she returned it with the same intensity and familiarity. Deeks' hands cupped her face, tilting it for more access while hers flung around his neck, her fingers grasping the hair at the back of his head. She felt him pressed himself more to her and a soft moan escaped her occupied lips. A tear fell from her still closed eyes as she sensed that familiar feeling drowning her in an almost despair. After so long, she was home.


	8. Chapter 8

Deeks let out a sigh, his eyes locked on the view of the street 8 floors beneath him. He didn't know why he did what he did. Kissing Kensi after 15 years of not seeing each other was something he didn't expect he could do. For the past years, he trained himself to be in control of his actions and emotions. It had been the secret of his survival after everything he had been through. Deeks taught himself to study every aspect of the situation he was in before reacting and he assumed he succeeded.

He was no longer the 18 year old high school graduating student who was dreaming to be a programmer like he was before. He was no longer the naïve and idealistic young man who thinks a person with a good heart will never get hurt. He was now a 33 year old CEO and President of one of the most successful software companies in the country. He was now a man known for his decisiveness and determination that many people admired and respected.

He was a different person now. Martin Brandel was gone. Martin Deeks was who he was in the present.

But seeing Kensi again, everything he made himself believe who he had been for the past 15 years and since he changed his surname was thrown off, gone in an instant. She destroyed the protective bubble he purposely and carefully built around him through the years, pricking it heedlessly with a very pointed needle that was her presence.

Deeks never imagined that she was still holding that powerful effect on him. Seeing her again, feeling her soft skin underneath his touch and tasting her sweet lips through their kiss, he was overwhelmed with emotions that he thought were long gone or at least buried deep within his heart. He was wrong when he discerned that it would be easy. He should have known that between him and Kensi, nothing was ever a walk in the park.

* * *

 _When the need for air forced them to part, Deeks rested his forehead on hers and slowly opened his eyes. She still had her eyes closed, tears marking her cheeks and her mouth still a little drawn apart from their kiss. Gently, he brushed her tears away with his thumbs, mentally kicking himself for making her cry. His action made her open her eyes abruptly and look at him._

 _Confusion, panic and fear immediately filled Kensi's watery hazels. Deeks was sure that if she could, she would take a step back, away from him. But with her body already pressed between him and the door, she was helpless and couldn't do anything._

 _He forced himself to move away from her, giving her enough space._

" _W-We can't." She whispered, shaking her head. Kensi's voice was low and weak, her eyes wouldn't meet his._

 _He was surprised to see this different side of her. She no longer looked like a determined and tough federal agent she was just moments ago. It was as if she was the Kensi he remembered from 15 years ago, the young woman crying, telling him to teach her to forget him._

" _K-Kens-"_

 _She raised her palm, halting him from speaking. Looking at her in the eyes, Deeks instantly recognized her inner battle. He wanted to console her, tell her how sorry he was for doing what he just did. But seeing how she was desperately trying to hold herself together, he can only watch her._

 _Kensi wiped her tears with the back of her hand. Several deep breaths later, she spoke. "I have to go. If there's any development on the case, NCIS will contact you. Good day, Mr. Deeks."_

 _His eyes never left her as she turned around and opened the door. Kensi passed through it silently, leaving him alone in his thoughts._

* * *

Frustrated, he raked his hand through his hair and blew another sigh. Deeks wanted to apologize to her for his behavior. It was wrong, he knew it. She had a life now with Andrew, a family he wanted her to have. He told himself that he'll be glad if he learned that Kensi was living a happy life because that was what he wanted for her.

'Why did he kiss her?' He questioned himself. If he was feeling less than infuriated with the situation he was in, he would laugh at what seemed like a déjà vu. He recalled asking himself the same question in the past when he kissed her first. This time it didn't take long for him to know the answer to that inquiry.

He was too preoccupied in his thoughts that he didn't hear the rooftop door opening and the sound of heels stepping towards him.

"Is she her?"

A soft voice pulled him from more pondering. Deeks need not to see who was standing beside him, joining him in his seclusion. She didn't need to explain her question. He knew who she was talking about. He realized she will catch on _her_ name sooner or later.

He glanced at the woman on his right, studying her look. Sydney Marshall was a beautiful woman with her red long hair cascading down her shoulders and olive skin tone. But it was her hazel eyes that made her more attractive for him because they reminded him of someone, someone he thought he could forget.

He met Sydney in college. Alongside Robert, they became friends. Taking the same course and almost classmates in every subject made it easy. Deeks never lied about his past with his newfound friends. He told them everything about his life and they accepted and helped him move past it.

During their second year, Sydney revealed her growing feelings towards him. It surprised him, doubting that it was just an attraction. But she was adamant, claiming that although she was physically attracted to him from the very start, it was who he was, his character and attitude that made her fall in love with him. He didn't know how to answer her. It would be a lie if he didn't find her attractive because she was indeed pretty and kind but he didn't feel the same way towards her.

Deeks knew it was impossible to still be in love with someone you're supposed to forget but he was. When he moved to college, he was resolved to start anew. Forgetting the life and the person he left in San Diego was his goal as he entered the new phase of his life. He tried hating Kensi. He even blamed her for losing his only family. He made her believe that he couldn't be with her because it was her fault that his mother died. He left her but not before instilling in her mind that there could never be 'them' anymore. Deeks hated himself for that foolish decision. That time, he was in so much pain that he never thought of anyone but himself. Rage and helplessness with the situation clouded his judgment, making him commit the biggest mistake of his life. Knowing there was no way he can undo his action, he resolved in a life living in regret.

After graduation, Deeks with Sydney and Robert, decided to settle in Los Angeles. The trio who had been sharing the first three spots at the top of their class decided to build a software company. He contacted his good friend Ray to work for them. DMV started small but its success generated a demand from the industry and they decided to expand. They even secured a partnership contract with the Navy, fortifying their place in the business world.

Six months ago, he and Sydney went out for a dinner. It was supposed to be a meal between two friends but they both had a great time and decided to move to the next step. It became the start of their relationship. Deeks didn't know if he could love her the same way he loved Kensi. Sydney had always been there for him. She had seen him in both his worst and best. She accepted him fully. She was a good friend and a better companion. But she was no Kensi.

Somehow, Deeks still found himself tied to his feelings to the woman in his past. He felt like when he loved Kensi during their time together, he loved her too much that when he left her, he also left the contents of his heart with her. Deeks felt empty, it was like he was void of any other emotions and he didn't know if he can still love.

"Yes." His answer was clear. There was no use in denying, he resolved.

The red haired gazed at her, a small smile formed on her lips as she studied him. "And here I thought you're going to lie."

"I can't do that."

With one eyebrow raised, she asked. "To her? Or to me?"

"Sydney,"

The red haired bowed her head. Struggling to compose herself, it took her several seconds to find her voice and speak her mind. She raised her head and locked her eyes on him. "Who am I to you Marty? Am I just someone who has been there so conveniently for you all these years that when you decided that you've had enough time living in the past, you saw me and told yourself 'Hey, I think I need to move on, she's been a great help to me all this time. I know she loves me, maybe she'll want to help me'. Is that why I am here?"

"Syd-"

"Because I want you to love me, Marty. God knows how much I want you to. But I want that love because that's how you feel about me. I want you to love me because you love me. Not because you need me. Not because I love you."

Deeks didn't know what to say. She was right. He was always taking something from her and not giving in return. It had always been about him, what he needed, how much he needed, when and where he needed. Thinking about their relationship now, he knew how unfair he had been. He hated to admit but he could never love her the way she wanted him to.

"I'm sorry, Sydney."

Sydney broke in tears and ran as fast as she can away from him.

He was about to follow her when he heard his cellphone ringing. Taking it out from his pocket, he answered it.

"Hello… Yes… Okay… I'll be there…"

* * *

From her seat in front of a TV screen, Kensi's eyes were glued to the man seating inside the interrogation room of the Boatshed with her teammates. The camera installed inside enabled her to watch him. She was analyzing his movements and reactions as he was looking at the video file OSP found in his friend's laptop. Without her being aware, her fingers found the pendant on her neck and started playing with it.

* * *

 _She arrived back at the mansion minutes later after leaving Deeks at the rooftop of his building. Walking straight through Ops Center, five pairs of eyes greeted her warily. Kensi knew that no matter how good an operator she was, Hetty, Callen, Sam, Eric and their Intelligence Analyst Nell, can see right through her. After all, they were her second family. She was aware that they noticed that her eyes had shed tears. Her silent wish of not having to explain what happened to her was answered when Hetty opted to discuss their case instead of grilling her with questions she didn't think she could answer right now._

 _"What did you find from our victim's laptop, Mr. Beale?" The older woman turned to Eric._

 _"Robert's laptop was heavily encrypted. It took me a while to have an access to it. Most of the data have been immediately erased upon my accession. Maybe it was a program he made to avoid unauthorized access even if you have finally decrypted his laptop. He was good, I can say. You may have decrypted his device but the program will know if you have done it without his approval. It was a good plan, giving your files that much protection."_

 _Nell noticed that the rest of the team were running impatient with her partner's rambling. They were all exchanging looks that went unnoticed by Eric._

 _"Maybe I should do it to my laptop. I wonder if it'll be a good i-"_

 _Nell decided to cut the eye glassed Technical Operator's sentence. "After Eric finally stopped the file deletion program, we found this video file from one of Robert's hidden folders." She explained while clicking her tablet._

 _A second later, a video file was put on the big screen for all the team members to see._

 _"Yes. That's what we found." Eric muttered, clicking the play button of the video._

 _The video was less than a minute long. It was obviously made in a rush. The team saw Robert looking at the laptop camera in panic and despair, briefly telling Marty Deeks how sorry he was, revealing that his_ _project technology was a success and almost finished._ _Their victim admitted that he was trying to sell the software in the black market but changed his mind the last minute. But instead of destroying it, he saved it in a flashdrive. He was about to tell where the device was but the video was cut._

* * *

Kensi's heart tightened at the look of anguish in Deeks' face as he finished watching what seemed to be the last video of his friend being alive. She stared as he rubbed his face with his hand, his eyes turned watery and he kept taking deep breaths in an obvious effort to calm himself. She wanted to go inside and show him that she was there for him but knew better than to do that. Knowing that her personal feeling should not affect nor cloud her work, she settled herself on watching him on the TV screen, her fingers on the ring pendant were tensing.

* * *

Inside the Interrogation Room, Deeks was devastated. The call he received while talking to Sydney at the rooftop was from a woman named Hetty, introducing herself as NCIS Operations Manager. She gave him a location, insisting he was needed to be there. He arrived half an hour later and saw Agent Callen, Sam and Kensi waiting for him. The two men led him to a room where he was asked to watch a video from a laptop.

"I…I didn't know…" He mumbled weakly, shoulders slumped in defeat.

That morning when he learned the loss of Robert, he was shocked and shattered. Deeks didn't know who would do such a crime to one of his good friends. As far as he knew, his business partner was a great man. In all the years he had known him, he was sure Robert was not linked in any illegal activity especially since their business was in partnership with the government.

After seeing the video, Deeks' world crushed. Robert tried selling his project in the black market. 'Why?' He wanted to ask him that.

"We're sorry, Mr. Deeks." Callen spoke, seeing how wrecked the man seated in front of him was.

"Yeah." Deeks replied in whisper.

"Do you have any idea where this flashdrive is? Where Robert could have hidden it?" Sam asked.

The blonde man shook his head. "I have no idea. I'll try to think but I can't promise you anything. I have no clue where he might hid it."

"We understand. We'll get a warrant to search his office."

"There's no need for a warrant, Agent Callen. Search DMV if you must, we need to find it. This technology we are talking about is a breakthrough in maritime industry. It is very important that we must secure it." Deeks said with resolve.

They all stood up and left the room. Deeks saw Kensi waiting for them outside. Their eyes met and Callen and Sam instantly noticed the growing tension surrounding the room.

"We'll be going back to DMV, Kens. We need to search the place." Callen said.

As if broken from a trance, she removed her eyes from Deeks to turn to her team mates. "Okay."

The two senior agents exchanged knowing looks.

Sam spoke after darting his eyes between Kensi and Deeks. "Five minutes. We'll leave in five minutes."

With that, both men exited the room closing the door behind them, giving the former lovers ample time and space to talk and settle, if they can, their issues. Callen and Sam were briefly told that Martin Deeks was a man from their teammate's past. How important he must have been to Kensi was something they found out on their own after seeing how the two interacted with each other. They have never seen her looking so lost and unsure of herself. Kensi had always been one of the strongest women for Callen and Sam. The two senior agents have always respected and trusted her in their work.

But seeing her now, they knew that she was barely holding herself together. If this man, Martin Deeks, was able to put down the emotional walls Kensi built herself through the years, he must have been someone special to her. It was very rare to see her lose control of her tightly reined emotions. Despite their lack of trust to the blonde man and against their better judgment, they decided to help their teammate surpass whatever turmoil she was having at the moment.

* * *

She didn't know if she should hug Callen and Sam and thank them for giving her some time with Deeks or curse them for putting her in an awkward spot. But recalling his devastated look, Kensi opted to thank the two later.

"I'm sorry about your friend." She started.

"Me too."

Hearing Deeks' distant reply, she became hesitant. "Uhm... I hope you can help us with our investigation."

"You have the full support of DMV. Just tell us if you need anything. We owe it to you." Deeks paused before taking a step closer to her. He was already standing on her front when he continued. This time in a soft voice. "I wish we could have met again under different circumstances, Kensi. There were times when I imagined how we are going to see each other again, it never entered my mind that it will happen this way."

Kensi just nodded. Having him this close was making her knees buckle. She didn't know how long she can last before her body betray her.

"I-I'm sorry about kissing you, I honestly don't know what got into me. It was very inappropriate of me. I never wanted you to feel awkward, Kensi. I'm sorry."

She can feel his penetrating glare. Emotions were running wild behind his baby blues and Kensi was melting.

"I can see that you have a life now with Andrew. I'm happy for you. He is a great guy." He added.

Hearing her childhood friend's name, a crease formed on her forehead. "A-Andrew?"

"I heard you talking to him on the phone a while ago. I... I assumed that he is your husband."

"Andrew? My husband?" Kensi asked in confusion.

Reluctantly, he shook his head yes.

"I'm not married, Deeks. Andrew isn't my husband." She watched his mouth formed an 'o', realizing his wrong assumptions.

"T-The little princess?"

Kensi couldn't help but smile, remembering her goddaughter. "Andrew's daughter, Keanna. My goddaughter. She's a cute 3 year old little princess."

When she heard his sigh of relief, she eyed him questioningly.

Deeks blushed at his obvious happiness after learning that she wasn't married to Andrew or any other man.

"I-I think we should go." She said. Not giving him time to answer, Kensi left the room.

Striding towards her vehicle, her mind was on Deeks' reaction upon knowing that Andrew was not her husband. She was confused, he shouldn't be looking at her with interest. He had a girlfriend, had he forgotten about the red head woman in his arms not too long ago?

The kiss they shared at the rooftop was unexpected. She didn't realize Deeks' effect on her until they parted and she found herself trapped between him and the door. Feeling the need to control her emotions, Kensi wanted to push him away from her but was lacking the energy to do so. She was grateful that he decided to give her space, taking a step back away from her.

When enough space was established between them, Sydney, the red head and Deeks' girlfriend, entered her mind in an instant. Kissing him back was wrong in every way, she will never be the reason for another woman's pain. Kensi had been through a lot already in her life that she knew so much about pain, agony, suffering and any other similar words thesaurus can offer. She will never be the cause of other people getting hurt. She had learned a long time ago the effect of hurting someone, whether she intentionally did it or not.

The pain she caused Deeks 15 years ago was already enough for a lifetime of suffering on her part. She couldn't do it again. Not to Sydney nor to any other person.


	9. Chapter 9

"How about we call it a day?" Callen asked after taking a look at his wristwatch.

Glancing at his two teammates, he noticed that the day had worn them out by now. They were standing outside DMV after their unsuccessful search of the building. With the help of Deeks and Ray, they investigated their victim's office and the entire place but failed to locate the missing flashdrive. It was already late in the afternoon and realizing that they can no longer do anything more than review their gathered evidence, he decided to continue their work tomorrow.

Sam nodded. "Okay. I almost forgot, Michelle asked me to pick Kamran up from her classmate's."

The team leader gazed at Kensi and worried when she seemed to be in a stupor. "Kens?"

Startled, she swung around and sighted her teammates watching her guardedly. "H-huh?" Recalling Callen's question, she answered. "Sure. Let's resume tomorrow."

The three began walking towards their parked vehicles when they heard Deeks' voice behind them.

"Agent Blye."

Kensi stopped to face him, a puzzled expression on her face.

He paused for a while, hesitating but chose to continue. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Detecting their teammate's alarm, Callen and Sam interfered. From the way Kensi looked, they could tell today's event had already taken its toll on her. Additional time spent with the blonde man would push her to her limit.

"I'm sorry Mr. Deeks but we still have to get back to our office." Callen replied before Kensi could answer the blonde man.

"There are some reports we have to write." Sam added with a sharp look, accepting no further discussions could be read on his stoic face.

Deeks, who was not oblivious to the men's intrusion, clenched his fists trying to control his anger. His eyes were dark when he looked at them. He knew of their intention and did not like it a bit. He was aware that they were just looking out for their colleague but right now he wanted the two men to realize that he will not yield just because he was told to do so.

But concern flooded him when he glanced at Kensi, seeing her troubled expression. A part of him wanted to fight her teammates for a chance to talk to her while another felt the need to let her go for the mean time. He didn't want to admit but he discerned he was to blame for her distress. And he was saddened to realize that her meeting him again after so long was probably a bad thing.

Never minding the two men, he locked his eyes on her and asked again in a soft and hopeful voice. "Kensi?"

Kensi was unsure. Right now, she was tired physically and emotionally. All she wanted to do was go home and hopefully find herself in deep slumber not a second later. But having a chance to spend a little more time and probably talk to Deeks again was luring her to say yes and ignore her teammates' concerned look.

She answered in a quiet nod before turning to her teammates who stayed silent despite their obvious objection at her reply. "I'll be alright." She spoke to appease them.

Callen and Sam left them without a word but not before throwing Deeks warning glares.

"It's good that they're protective of you." Deeks uttered, his eyes following the two agents as they climbed in Sam's black Challenger and drove away.

Kensi tried not to roll her eyes at his comment, the idea that he thought she needed protection didn't go well in her mind.

* * *

"I'm sorry."

Deeks' brows furrowed at her words and at the pain and remorse that were obviously in it. When he asked her if there's any place she prefers for them to talk, Kensi's reply was the beach. It surprised him though, he had no recollection of the two of them spending time together in a beach in the past. But it was a good choice given that this of time of day, there were only few people around.

Kensi drove her car while he followed her with his. Minutes later, he saw her parked the vehicle in a less crowded spot, climbed out and strode heading towards the shore. He watched her quietly as she faced the water and took deep breaths before turning to where he was standing a few steps behind her. The heavy look on her face concerned him.

"I'm sorry." She repeated. "It's a long overdue apology. I don't think I got the chance to ask for your forgiveness. Things happened too fast. A-After Roberta...After your mom's funeral, you left town almost immediately and I didn't get to say I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry that...that she died saving me. I'm sorry that you l-lost her because...because of me, Deeks." She choked on her words as tears began filling her eyes.

"Kensi." Deeks took a step towards her but she jerked away, maintaining the distance between them. Her action hurt him more than he cared to admit.

Her hand flew to her chest, clutching the hidden pendant tightly. Kensi took several deep breaths before continuing. "I need to do this. I need you to hear my sorry."

Deeks immediately shook his head. "No. There's nothing to apologize, Kensi."

"Yes, there is."

"No!" He insisted. Unintentionally, he voiced out a little too hard. "What happened wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault."

"But you hated me! You blamed me!" She cried. "You left…"

In an instant, she felt Deeks inched closer to her and his arms flew around her, wrapping her trembling body tightly. He was hugging her so firmly that Kensi was finding it hard to breathe. She didn't complain. She took his hold with no qualms. She needed his embrace. She needed him. Clutching his shirt, she reveled the feel of him as tears poured down her face.

* * *

 _Fear widen her eyes when she saw him raised the gun in his hand and pointed it towards her. Seeing Gordon's finger on the trigger, Kensi closed her eyes in surrender, knowing what will happen next. She stiffened and held her breath when she heard a shot was fired. Expecting to feel pain from the bullet that hit her, she was shocked not to feel any. Her eyes flew open and immediately checked herself for a wound. Roberta's limp body on the ground a foot away from her caught her attention in an instant. Dread filled her when she noticed the red liquid pooling beneath the older woman's body._

 _"R-Roberta?!" She cried in panic, kneeling down beside her hastily. "N-No!" Disbelief in her voice seeing a wound on her chest, oozing with blood. "No! Roberta!"_

 _Pressing the bullet hole with her trembling hands, tears began streaming down Kensi's face. There was so much blood seeping from it and she had no idea how to stop it. Noticing the older woman's pale face added to her scare. "I-I need to call 911. You need a hospital, Roberta." She tried to stand up but an almost cold hand grabbed her wrist, stopping her movement._

 _Roberta shook her head 'no'. Giving a weak smile at the young woman, who had become a daughter to her and if she could, would want to see become part of her family, she slowly raised her hand to caress Kensi's cheek, soft finger wiping the young woman's endless tears at the same time. "I-It's okay. E-Everything will be alright, Kensi." She said softly, hoping her assurance would calm her. She winced when pain spread in her body. "Y-You'll grow up to be a strong and wonderful woman... Don't... Don't let this break... you... Don't...Don't let this destroy my...son..."_

 _Time stopped for Kensi when she saw the older woman's eyes closing gently._

 _"M-Marty..."_

 _She almost didn't hear Roberta's last whisper before her head drooped to the side slowly._

 _"No!" Kensi shouted in agony. Her blood stained hands were holding the older woman's body, cradling her on her lap._

* * *

"No!" She cried as she roused in her bed, her face and body covered in cold sweat. Kensi bent her legs, pulled her knees close to her chest and wound them with her arms. "No...No...No..." She mumbled repeatedly while rocking her quivering body back and forth in the dark.

She couldn't remember the last time she dreamt of her. After the tragedy that took Roberta's life, Kensi was always dreaming of the moment when she died in her arms. Waking up in the middle of the night and crying until she grew tired and all energy left her body, that had been her state almost every night.

It got worse when Deeks left, her memory of his mother telling her in soft voice that everything will be alright had morphed into a nightmare. In her bad dream, Roberta was yelling at her, shouting in a voice filled with hatred and disgust that it was her fault that Deeks was alone now. In her nightmare, the older woman was blabbing on how weak she was, that it was a good thing that Deeks left her because she was no good for her son and that all she brings to the people around her are pain and misery.

Kensi would wake up from it in distress. Her parents would be in her room in an instant, doing their best to prevent her from trashing all her things. She would tumble down the carpeted floor in desperate tears. In her father's arms circled around her, she would cry and murmur that it should have been her who died, not Roberta. Donald would vehemently disagree and would answer her that it wasn't her fault, that nobody wanted the tragedy to happen. He would run his fingers through her hair, calming her until she fell asleep again. That situation happened repeatedly until she was brought to a clinic that helped her overcome her guilt.

"No... He said it wasn't my fault. He said I was not to blame..." She whispered in tears, remembering Deeks' words that day.

* * *

" _But you hated me! You blamed me!" Kensi cried. "You left…"_

 _Her last two words were barely inaudible that they almost didn't reach Deeks' ears. Without a second thought, he closed the distance between them and held her as tight as he could, his own tears falling down his face. Kensi's body shook as she cried with her hands gripping his shirt and he could only hold her tighter._

 _Deeks allowed her to cry. He didn't utter a single word and just held her, hoping his presence would somehow calm her. Minutes later when her sobs seemed to stop, he took a deep breath before voicing out his own feelings. His insides tightened to a coil when his emotions started overwhelming him._

" _I-I was hurt, Kensi." He began. "I lost my mother. I almost lost you too. I was scared. I felt useless that I didn't get to p-protect the two people I love."_

 _Kensi felt tears wetting her hair. When she looked up, she was surprised to see Deeks crying._

" _I tried hating you, blaming you for what happened." Shame was in his voice as he continued. Blue eyes were locked on hazels. "But I couldn't. Because deep inside I knew none of it was your fault. I was a fool to let myself do that to you. It was an easier way out of my misery, Kensi. It was easier to hold you responsible for something that happened out of your control than face the fact that it was my f-fault. I-I should've been there. I should've protected you and my mother. I'm sorry…"_

 _Deeks fell on the ground on his knees. "I-I'm sorry I wasn't there, I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry I blamed you, I'm sorry I left." His arms circled her narrow waist in an instant. He held her like a dying man and she was his only salvation._ _"I'm sorry for everything…" He whispered then rested his head against her stomach and let out broken sobs._

 _She already know how it feels when your heart was breaking into a million pieces. But seeing him this way, in misery, Kensi's heart crushed a million times more than before. She followed his action, dropping down to her knees before him. Tender fingers found his tear-marred cheeks and grazed them lightly. She wiped the liquid away, not minding that he was doing just the same to hers._

* * *

Kensi parked her car on the first available spot she saw and climbed out as fast as she can. Giving the police officers who were standing outside a curt nod, she roamed her eyes looking for familiar faces. She quickly spotted Callen and Sam walking their way to the front door of a house. The two senior agents glanced at her and stopped their steps to wait for her.

Waking up in an akward position on her bed, she realized that she went back asleep in tears. Kensi ignored her aching body and moved to get ready for today's work. She was about to leave her apartment when her cellphone rang. It was Eric, giving her an address and telling her to proceed to that place as soon a she can.

"Morning." She greeted her teammates when she reached them. A small smile plastered on her lips as she noticed they were eyeing her. Kensi knew she looked terrible. She saw herself on the mirror that morning. There were bags under her eyes, evidence of how well she slept the night before.

"Good morning." Callen and Sam both curtsied.

Kensi scanned the outside of the house and couldn't help but admire its architecture. It was huge with the latest in design. What caught her attention was the visible color motif dominating the two-storey place, cornflower blue. Her eyes grew wide realizing who owns the house. Turning to the two men, she asked. "W-What are we doing here?"

"There was a break in." Callen explained. Seeing how she was holding her breath, he added quickly. "He's fine."

Sam noticed that she had not heard their team leader's last sentence, he patted her arm. "Kensi, Mr. Deeks is fine. He is alright." He said slowly, hoping that this time she understood it.

Hearing Sam's voice, Kensi nodded slowly. "Where is he?"

* * *

The three NCIS agents strode inside the house, with their eyes studying the surroundings warily. Random things were broken and scattered around. An altercation was palpable, seeing how the furnitures and some of the appliances were destroyed. There were police officers already inside. Some were taking pictures that might be helpful in the case. There was one who were interviewing the blonde man sitting on the kitchen stool.

Without a word to her teammates, Kensi walked to where he was.

"Deeks." She called his name, formalities were clearly forgotten.

He turned to her and she silently studied his disheveled look. There was a bruise forming on his right cheek, a cut was on his lips and he was looking a little daze.

Worry crept in her as she neared him. "Are you alright?" Before Deeks can answer, she turned to the police officer who was interviewing him. "Where is the medic? Why isn't he being treated? He could have a concuss-" Kensi's words were cut when she heard Deeks' voice.

"I'm okay, Kensi."

Kensi glared at him questioningly.

"I really am. I was already checked out by a medical officer." Deeks explained.

"Are you sure?"

Deeks nodded.

Callen and Sam approached them prompting the police officer to leave.

"Is it alright if you tell us what happened again, Mr. Deeks?" Callen began.

"Of course. I think it was almost five when I came back from the beach. It has been my schedule to catch the wave during that time. As I was about to enter through the front door, I noticed that it was forced open." He stopped and glanced at the three agents who were listening intently at his story, his next words were said with a little shame. "I know what I did was wrong but curiosity got the better of me. I walked inside as quietly as I can after dialing 911 on my phone. A masked man was inside my bedroom. He was too busy rummaging through my drawers that he didn't notice me. I approached him with a lampshade in hand, hit him on his head. I don't know how we ended up downstairs. He panicked when he heard the police siren and left me." He ended up his narration with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I think we all know what he has been searching for in your house." Sam concluded.

"Yeah." Deeks mumbled sadly.

* * *

 _"A house?" Kensi asked the man sitting next to her._

 _"Yeah, a house. What kind of house would you love to have, Kensi?"_

 _She kept quiet for a while. Honestly, she was not particular with what kind of place she would love to reside with Deeks. For her, for as long as she was with him, she was contented. "I want a home, Deeks. Not just a house."_

 _Deeks turned to her, an understanding smile on his lips. "What kind of home?"_

 _"It doesn't matter how large it is, I just want you, us in it." She answered looking at the view on their front with a dreamy face. They were sitting under their tree spending as much time as possible together knowing that days from now, Deeks was due to leave for college._

 _"Us. I think I like that." He said, joining her in daydreaming of their future._

 _"But can we have a cornflower blue roof? I saw this house in a magazine one time with that color as a roof. It's beautiful." Kensi gazed at him._

 _"If I can give you the world, you'll have it Kensi." Deeks cupped her cheeks with both hands and brushed his lips against hers, which she responded eagerly._

 _When they parted, their future home discussion was continued, both were giving ideas on how everything must look with Kensi being adamant on the cornflower blue motif._

* * *

"Why?" She asked him softly when she heard him walked near her, her eyes not leaving the framed picture on her hands of the two of them with Roberta in the middle. She can still clearly remember that it was taken days before Deeks' high school graduation, Roberta bought a new camera so the three of them had fun testing it. Kensi smiled at one of her happy memories.

She was in his bedroom, searching for evidence the intruder might accidentally left during the fight. Kensi was reluctant at first to take the job of invading his personal stuff but with work in her mind, she knew what she needed to do. As soon as she entered the room, she noticed how spacious it was, with a queen size bed in the middle and a huge TV on its front. Despite how almost everything were wrecked by the intruder and the altercation, she can tell that Deeks was keeping his things neat and in order.

Their future home ideas were unmistakable throughout the house and they were not what Kensi was expecting. She was overwhelmed with the fact that he remembered everything they discussed. From the color of the roof to the color of the bedroom wall. From their desire to have the biggest TV possible in their bedroom so that they can enjoy their movie marathon to the thought of having a small refrigerator on the corner so that they won't have to leave the room to get cold soda. Everything they were both dreaming of in their home was now within Kensi's sight and she wanted to know the reason why. 15 years had passed. Why did Deeks made all of these possible?

Understanding her one-word question, he answered. "Because I can't think of a future without you in it."


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: No words can express how disappointed I am with myself for not continuing this story as often as I can. I'm finding it hard to make the case part of it more NCIS-y ( you know what I mean ). I just realized that I can write sweet stuffs but when it comes to the action part, I have a little idea of what to do. I apologize in advance if this story doesn't meet your standard. This will be finished, albeit slowly. Thank you for the reviews, follows and favorites.

* * *

 _Continuation of Kensi and Deeks' conversation at the beach_

 _Tears have been shed and dried. The two former friends and lovers were now sitting quietly on the sand, both eyes were glued on the serene scene before them. He glanced at his companion and saw how beautiful she looked. Time had already passed, he realized. Looking at Kensi, anyone with eyes could tell how gorgeous she was. There was something in her that would captivate you whether you like or not._ _And how she remained single after all this time was a question he had asked himself not just once ever since learning of her current status._

 _"It wasn't your fault too, you know." Kensi whispered, turning her face to look at him. "_ _You said that what happened wasn't my fault. It wasn't yours too, Deeks. It's alright to feel guilty. She... she was your mom and there's no question on how much you love her. You think it was your fault that you weren't there, telling yourself that if you were, things would have been different."_

 _Deeks felt his chest tightened at the truthfulness of her softly spoken words._

 _"I can understand. I used to do the same myself. I used to think that if only I didn't close my eyes that very moment, I could have seen what she was about to do and maybe, maybe I could have prevented her. Maybe things would have ended differently. I used to think that, Deeks." She let out a sigh and shook her head sadly. "But I closed my eyes. I didn't see her when she placed herself in my front, letting the bullet hit her instead. I didn't prevent her from saving me."_

 _Silence filled them for a while before he heard her voice again. "I-I got help. My parents and Andrew... they tried but sadly it wasn't enough. I was brought to a clinic, met with a doctor and joined a community group with people who know what I'm going through. There I learned that it's okay that I survived. That there are people who are glad and grateful that I am alive."_

 _After hearing Kensi's confession, all he_ _wanted was to pull her in his arms and never let her go again. Deeks was surprised to learn how hard_ _things have been for her after the tragedy. And now how he wished he did things differently back then._

 _"I got into UCLA after high school, graduated and joined NCIS after. I've been here in LA for five years now."_

 _"I know." He couldn't help but mumbled. When she looked at him with question in her eyes, Deeks knew he needed to explain. "I saw your flowers for mom every week. I know they were from you, Kensi. Thank you. Thank you for remembering her." He said with voice full of sincerity._

 _"That's the least I could do." She answered._ _"Can I ask you for something?" Kensi asked with uncertainty._

 _"Anything."_

 _"Can you promise me you'll stop blaming yourself? It wasn't your fault, Deeks."_

 _"If you promise me you'll do the same."_

 _His response made her paused, hesitation flooded her face. Patiently, he waited for her reply. Deeks knew what he was asking from her was not easy. He could tell that even after everything she went through to overcome her guilt, a part of her still blamed herself that it wasn't her who died on that tragic day. But he needed her promise. She had been living a life full of remorse for years. He couldn't let it continue. He wanted her to start living without the baggage of the past. Kensi deserved it more than anyone and he owed it to her._

 _After a while, a reluctant smile formed on her lips. "I'll try."_

 _It wasn't the reply he wanted but Deeks acquiesced for the mean time. Returning her smile with one of his own, he reached out and gently took her hand with his. He saw his action surprised Kensi at first before he felt her giving his hand a soft squeeze. "I promise to do the same, Kensi."_

 _Looking at their intertwined fingers, Kensi and Deeks knew that it will take some time for them to go back to what they once were. The friendship they built when they were young but lost tragically over the past years would take time and effort from both of them to recover. It will be a long journey but today was a start. A good start._

* * *

 _"Because I can't think of a future without you in it."_

Carefully, Kensi returned the frame back to where she found them and turned to look at him.

Raking his fingers through his hair, Deeks began his explanation. "When we were together, I used to imagine what our future would be like. I imagined how despite the distance, we would make it work. Several times I thought that whatever life will throw our way, we will surpass it because it's you and me. We're Kensi and Deeks. And after everything, I will find you sitting next to me, smiling, happy and content because somehow we made through it all."

She couldn't help but smile at his words because she used to do the same. Back when she was 17, a life with him was all she ever wanted. If only things were really that simple, she thought.

"Sadly, fate has a plan of its own." Deeks sighed before continuing, opting to skip the dark part of their lives. "When it's already possible for me to have something for myself, all I have left are memories of the future that I am supposed to have with you. Because it's the only future I see, the only future for me, Kensi."

Deeks was being honest. He tried to do it but there was no way he could stop loving her, no way he could forget her. Their relationship, no matter how short of a time that was, was the one for him and she was the only person he saw himself with. There was no denying on his part that he wanted her back in his life and not just as a friend. He pondered over it last night after their talk and he resolved to do all that he can to let her know that this time it will be different. If she will trust him again, he will make sure that this time there would be no letting go, no giving up.

Taking a step towards her, he took her hands with his. "Kens-"

"Deeks." She cut what he was about to say.

His admission was no surprised to her. Kensi wasn't clueless that just like her, he was aware that the feelings that they have for each other didn't diminish despite their time apart. It only proved them that it didn't matter how young and naive they were in the past or how people thought of them before, their love was not a love that was meant to be forgotten. It was a once in a lifetime kind of love. It was meant to last.

Kensi shook her head that made Deeks' hopeful face fall. "I'm at work, Deeks. I can't do this right now." She whispered while trying to remove her hands from his grip but he wouldn't bulge.

"Have dinner with me tonight." He whispered as he reluctantly let go of her. "We can get fish tacos if you want. I know a place."

He smiled at her, the way that made her heart fluttered several times before and even so now. Before she can respond, they heard footsteps nearing them. Waiting for whoever was coming, they gazed at each other. A second later, Callen showed up.

"Kens," He started but the framed picture of Kensi, Deeks and an older woman he didn't know immediately caught his attention. His brows furrowed at the smiling younger image of his teammate who had been like a little sister to him since he met her five years ago. In all the time they spent together, inside and outside of work, never had he seen Kensi happy like that. She looked young and carefree, her eyes were bright from obvious joy. It made Callen wonder what terrible thing that caused her to change. But whatever it was he was sure that the younger shaggy blonde haired man in the picture and who was currently standing next to her knew all about it and must be a part of it.

"Callen?"

Kensi's voice pulled him from his thoughts. He turned his sight to her, "We found something."

"O-okay." She managed to voice out, feeling conscious all of a sudden. Things have been playing her tightly-reigned emotions since yesterday and she wasn't sure how everyone around her was thinking about it.

Callen darted his eyes from his teammate towards Deeks and gave a curt nod before leaving the room to return to his partner.

"We are needed downstairs." Kensi uttered, swirling around to exit. Again, she found her hand in his grasp. "Deeks."

"You didn't answer my question."

"What about Sydney? I don't think she'll be okay with you having dinner with one of your exes." There, she said it. The reason she was finding it hard to say yes to him. She knew he had a girlfriend and it wouldn't be appropriate if they will pursue whatever they have.

Discerning what she meant, Deeks looked taken-aback. He realized that he had not told her yet that he and Sydney were through. He went to her place last night to talk to her. He hurt her, he knew that. She cried when he told her how sorry he was. She slapped him once when he said it has always been Kensi. But in the end she hugged him when she mumbled how she understood. She was aware that Deeks wasn't hers from the very start and now knew that would never be hers. Sydney wanted their friendship and business partnership to remain the same. Deeks agreed and was even grateful to her. "We broke up."

"Y-You didn't..." Kensi shook her head in denial.

"What do you want me to do, Kensi? Pretend that she's the one I want? The one I love? I can't do that."

"Deeks..."

"It's you, Kensi. It has always been you. Please, just a dinner." He was begging, he knew it but he didn't care. This was Kensi. He would beg her a thousand times no question asked. "Please?" He added, his eyes locked on hers.

"A-Alright..."

* * *

"What do we have guys?" Kensi asked her teammates as she descended the stairs with Deeks following behind her.

"Eric and Nell ran the videos from the street surveillance cameras, they found what we think was the car that the masked man used. It was parked a couple of houses from here. There was no plate on the car but we got a clear view of the face of your attacker when he emerged from it unmasked and began walking towards here, Mr. Deeks." Sam stated.

"Who is he?"

It was Callen who replied. "A gun for hire that goes by the name of Dringo."

"He sounds familiar." Kensi uttered.

"Yes. He belongs to FBI's most wanted. Which means whoever hired him wants the technology really bad. Because bringing this Dringo guy in the equation isn't a joke." Sam said.

They remained silent, weighing the seriousness of the situation. Kensi casted Deeks a concerned glance. She was worried for him. His encounter with Dringo a while ago could have made him killed, he was lucky that he wasn't. But he could have and she wasn't there to protect him. She unknowingly paled thinking what if things had ended terribly. _What if-?_

"Kens?" Callen's apprehensive voice broke her from imagining the worst. Eyes filled with worry, he looked at her in question.

"I'm fine."

He was about to say something but a ringing cellphone stopped him. All eyes turned to Deeks as the blonde haired took the device out from his pocket.

Seeing the name of the caller, he excused himself and walked a few steps away from the federal agents to answer. "Syd?"

 _"M-Marty?"_

Deeks held his breath upon hearing Sydney's tearful voice.

 _"M-Marty?"_

"Where are you? What's going on?" He asked in panic.

His words might have alerted the three agents when he saw them straightened their bodies.

"Sydney? Answer me. What's going on?"

From the corner of his eye, he saw Callen talking to someone on his cellphone.

 _"Mr. Deeks."_

The voice that answered him wasn't Sydney's, it was a man's and was gravelly. "Who are you?! Where is she? What did you do to her?"

The man from the other side laughed dryly. _"I wouldn't worry about your girlfriend for the mean time, Mr. Deeks. For as long as you give me what I want, she will be alright. I want the flashdrive. I'll call you again when and where."_

The call was cut before he can respond. Deeks turned to Callen, sensing he gave the command to someone to trace the call. His shoulders fell when the team leader shook his head no.

"Deeks," Kensi was near him in an instant, placing a hand on his shoulder. "We'll find her. Don't worry, we'll find her."

"I can't give him what he wants. I don't have the flash drive. He'll hurt Sydney. He'll kill her just like what he did to Robert. I can't let that happen." Deeks shook his head.

Reaching up, she held his face with both hands, "Hey, look at me. Look at me, Deeks." When he did, she continued, "Sydney won't be hurt. We'll do everything that we can to get her back. She'll be back with you. Trust us, Deeks." She said reassuringly.

* * *

They were in the boatshed an hour later.

"How are we going to convince him that I have the flashdrive? I'm sure he'll check it before releasing Sydney." Deeks questioned.

As if on cue, the TV prompted open and a man and a woman both holding a tablet in their hands came into view.

"What do you have for us, Eric?" Callen asked Eric, the man in eyeglasses.

Eric cleared his throat. "We have compiled enough programs from the scraps of Mr. Vaughn's software that will make Dringo think that it's the one he's looking for. A little bit of adjustment, we're pretty sure it will convince him."

"That's good news." Sam uttered.

The redhaired woman raised her hand to speak.

"Yes, Nell?" Kensi asked.

"But we'll be needing Mr. Deeks' help to finish our fake software. DMV Technologies' signature must be apparent in what we are going to submit." Nell answered.

"I'll do it. I'll just need a laptop."

"Alright, Eric and Nell please provide Mr. Deeks with everything he'll need." Callen said.

The duo in the screen nodded in understanding.

When the video call ended, Deeks sighed, hoping that they will have enough time to furnish everything before Dringo's call.

* * *

From the corner of the room, Kensi's gaze was focused on her former friend and lover. Seeing him typing his commands on the laptop with Ops Center's computer wizards looking at him in silent awe, Kensi couldn't help but smile despite the situation. Deeks had come a long way from the young man he was once before. With his brows furrowed in concentration, one could easily tell that he's good at what he does.

"And we're done." Deeks mumbled as he finished his work.

"Wow!" Eric and Nell both exclaimed when they ran the software.

"You would think this is the one. You're really good, Mr. Deeks." Eric remarked as he started transferring the file to a flash drive.

Kensi noticed Deeks' cheeks reddened at the compliment. He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled awkwardly. She moved to get closer to him.

"I promise you, Deeks, I'll do my best to get her back safely." She vowed with certainty.

"Thank you, Kensi. She didn't do anything wrong. She doesn't deserve this."

* * *

"Hey," Deeks uttered as he walked towards her.

Kensi, who had her attention on checking her gun and bullets, glanced to look to him. Her eyes scanned his body. "Are you alright? Do you need anything else?"

"No, I'm all good." He said, pressing a hand on his chest that was covered in a bulletproof vest underneath his polo. "Are you okay?" When he noticed the agitation in her eyes, Deeks asked.

She let out a sigh. "Of course. I... I just wish I can be there with you."

Kensi was having a hard time accepting the situation that the bulletproof vest on Deeks would only protect him with just much. When Dringo called again and gave the exact time and location when and where the trade would take place, he was adamant that Deeks must come alone. It irked the entire team realizing that the gun for hire was knowledgeable of NCIS' presence while talking to Deeks. Dringo made himself very clear that he wasn't one of FBI's most wanted for nothing and not to dare cross him if they want to get Sydney back alive and in one piece.

The trade would take place in an abandoned warehouse in downtown Los Angeles at 18:05. Deeks, alone, must bring the flashdrive with him in exchange for Sydney's life.

The call ended with another unsuccessful trace by Eric and Nell, frustrating them all the more. The wonder twins took a hold of the warehouse's blueprint in no time, giving them to the three field agents. The team made several plans upon studying the floor plan of the place. Confident of what they came up with, they began preparing Deeks for the exchange.

And now 45 minutes before the given time, Kensi was finding it hard to let Deeks face Dringo alone. Of course they would be there surrounding the area. But it would be different if she was there with him during the trade.

Kensi locked her eyes with Deeks. And with voice full of conviction, "I'll be there. Even if you can't see me, I'll be there Deeks."

She said it not to reassure him but to persuade herself that nothing bad will happen to him because she won't let it. She was a capable agent, trained to protect people and that was what she was going to do.

"I know. I'll be alright, Kensi." He whispered, raising his fingers to tuck some lose strands behind her ear and away from her face. "Plus, I need to be alright. I have a date tonight, you know." He said with a playful grin.

"She has been told that it's just a _dinner._ You know, fish tacos and stuff like that."

Deeks took a step away from her when they heard Eric's voice calling him from the outside.

"Believe me it's a date, Kensi. The start of the many." He winked before striding towards her waiting teammate.

Kensi rolled her eyes in mock annoyance but a smile crept her face thinking about their _dinner_ tonight. Her worry for what will happen in less than a hour was forgotten even for just a second.


	11. Chapter 11

Sitting on the plastic chair beside a bed, Deeks' gaze was focused on the sleeping woman lying on it. He tightened his hold on one of her hands reliving the moment he saw her limp body on the ground.

* * *

 _"Can you hear us, Mr. Deeks?"_

 _Deeks almost jumped from his position when he heard a woman's voice from the earpiece he was wearing. He took a deep breath to calm himself. "Yes, Hetty. I can hear you loud and clear." Hearing her voice from her call yesterday, Deeks could already recognize the NCIS Operations Manager._

 _There was a couple of snickering sound from the background and he identified them as snorts of Eric and Nell. They were clearly amused at him for some reason. A reprimand from their boss quieted the two geniuses, making Callen and Sam laughed. Hetty's voice telling her team to focus on the mission shut the two senior agents' chuckles._

 _Despite how his nervousness was growing, a smile spread out on his face realizing how tight-knit their group was. It was obvious how close each and every member of Kensi's team to each other and he couldn't be more grateful that they were. Seeing how she was_ _in good hands, Deeks knew that they will protect her with all their might and without a doubt she would do the same for them._

 _"Time check, 18:00." It was the seriousness in Kensi's voice that pulled everyone back to their current situation._

 _Deeks was aware how tense she was before they left the boatshed and noted how her hand never left her chest, her fingers were grasping something just underneath her blouse. After one last reassurance from him,_ _he climbed in his car. He knew no matter what he tells her, it will do a little to appease her apprehension. Her worry for him was obvious when she was looking at him as he drove away and towards the given meeting place. He casted a glance on his rear view mirror and watched as she quickly climbed in her own car and began following him with Callen and Sam doing the same with theirs._

 _And now 5 minutes before the given time, he was in his car parked just outside the warehouse. Callen, his team and some members from LAPD that were called to give them a hand were spread out surrounding the place. Deeks tried to recall their plan to remember where Kensi would be but he couldn't. He was too distracted on how to get Sydney back that he had forgotten what would be Kensi's role in the exchange. He silently berated himself for his inattention._

 _"I'll be fine." He couldn't help but utter. Although the entire team heard him, they knew his words were meant for Kensi._

 _It took several seconds before he heard her speaks. Her voice was soft. "J-Just be careful, Deeks."_

 _"I will."_

 _"Are you ready, Mr. Deeks?" He recognized the voice as Callen's._

 _Another deep breath was taken, "I'm ready, Agent Callen." He opened the car door to climb out._

 _When he was outside, he scanned the area hoping to locate Kensi but there was no sign of her presence._

 _'I'll be there. Even if you can't see me, I'll be there Deeks.' Remembering her words from earlier, Deeks felt somewhat calm. He knew she was there._

 _Putting a hand in the pocket of his jeans, his fingers touched the dagger Kensi gave him when they were preparing him in the boatshed. He knew how important that knife to her and was surprised that she chose to lend it to him._

 _'I can't let you go unarmed.' She said when she offered her dagger to him._

 _He had seen it before when they were younger, it was her father's. Deeks recalled how Kensi proudly showed the dagger to him one time during one of his visits at her house, telling him that it was especially made for his father by one of his good friends and how she almost forced Donald to promise her that he'll give it to her when she graduated from college. The beaming in her eyes when she was looking_ _at the sharp knife that day told him how precious it was to her._

 _'I'll take care of it.' He uttered as his gaze studied the priceless dagger._

 _'No, let it take care of you, Deeks.'_

 _Deeks silently promised to return it to her as soon as the mission was over._

 _"I'm going in now." His words before taking a step towards the closed door of the old warehouse._

* * *

 _"Mr. Deeks." A man called his name as soon as he was inside. The large room was dark with only a fluorescent bulb lighting the entire space. Deeks recognized the man from the picture he was shown at the boatshed as Dringo and now can confirm that this man was his attacker that morning if the bruised cheek was not an obvious evidence. He barely remembered punching him that hard but was glad that he was able to._

 _"Where is Sydney?" He asked in greeted teeth after roaming his eyes around and his friend was nowhere to be found._

 _Dringo chuckled but there was no humor in his dark eyes. "A businessman indeed aren't we? Straight to our trade. I like that." He glanced at the bald man on_ _his left and gave him a nod. The bald man left to enter the door at the corner of the room._

 _Deeks held his breath when the man emerged not long after dragging a disheveled Sydney who had her mouth in a duct tape and hands bound at her back. He quickly scanned her body checking if she was injured or hurt and let out a breath of relief that although she appeared weary, she seemed alright. "Are you okay?"_

 _Dringo gave his minion another nod and the bald man carelessly removed the tape on Sydney's mouth._

 _"I-I'm okay." She answered in teary eyes and raw voice._

 _"The flashdrive, Mr. Deeks."_

 _"Release her first." He argued. His determined voice didn't hold the anxiousness he was currently having._

 _"A shrewd businessman." Dringo commented as he held his gaze on him but he didn't bow down. Sensing his decisiveness, the gun for hire acquiesced hotly. "Fine."_

 _With his word, the bald man released Sydney who ran instantly to him._

 _"Marty!" Sydney cried as soon as she was in his arms._

 _"It's okay, Syd. You'll be okay." Deeks comforted her as he began untying her hands. When she was free from the strain, "I need you to walk out of here. Can you do that? My car is outside."_

 _Deeks knew that Hetty, Eric and Nell were monitoring the exchange from their secret office through the hidden camera he was wearing while Kensi, Callen and Sam have been hearing him through their comm link. He was aware that they will take care of Sydney as soon as she was outside._

 _She nodded in understanding. "H-how about you?"_

 _"I'll be fine. I'll be with you as soon as I can."_

 _Sydney was about to take a step towards the door when Dringo spoke with a gun pointing towards them. "The flashdrive, Mr. Deeks."_

 _"I'll give it to you once she was outside."_

 _The gun for hire shook his head. "No, I need the flashdrive now. Hand it to me now."_

 _Realizing that this time he won't win, Deeks fished out the device from his pocket and showed it to the man. "Here it is."_

 _"Throw it."_

 _"Let Sydney out first."_

 _Another glaring contest happened between them._

 _"Okay." Surprisingly, it was Dringo._

 _Deeks glanced at his friend who was frozen on her spot and gave her a nod, signaling her to continue her way out. Although hesitant, the redhead followed. Sydney reached the exit in no time. Once he saw her passed through the door, Deeks turned his attention back to the men. He threw the flashdrive on the ground and it landed a few steps away from the bald man who took it immediately and inserted it in a running laptop. With a gun still pointed at him, he watched as Dringo studied the software. A satisfied smile formed on the man's face after running the technology._

 _"Nice doing some business with you, Mr. Deeks. But regrettably, this is going to be our last transaction." Dringo said as he pulled the trigger of his gun._

 _A shot was fired. Deeks blinked motionless from his position. He was expecting to drop down any moment now but to his surprise, he found himself still standing. His eyes flew to Dringo and watched him as he collapsed lifeless_ _to the floor with a bullet hole on his forehead._

 _"Deeks! Are you okay?!" Kensi's panicked voice was instantly heard from the comm link._

 _It took him several seconds to realize that the gun for hire was shot by a sniper through a glass window on the left side of the warehouse. His attention caught_ _the bald man who was already running away from the scene. "H-He's getting away." He mumbled almost incoherently, still in shock from his near death experience. He was about to follow him when he heard Hetty's calm voice from the earpiece._

 _"Mr. Deeks, please remain where you are. Agents Callen and Sam will take care of him. It was a good shot, Agent Blye."_

 _"I'm sorry he was killed Hetty. We didn't get to interrogate him." Kensi answered, remorse can be picked out from her._

 _"It's alright, we saw what he was about to do."_

 _"I'm going down now." Deeks heard her voice and some shuffling sound._

 _He remained in a trancelike,_ _disbelief was written all over his face. That was how he still was when Callen_ _and Sam approached him._

 _"Are you alright?" Callen asked him._

 _"Y-Yeah,"_

 _"We can go outside now, Mr. Deeks. Ms. Marshall is waiting for you. Kensi will be with us shortly." Sam offered and they started stepping out of the warehouse._

 _"Was it Kensi...?" Deeks couldn't continue his words but somehow the two men understood his question._

 _"Yes. She is the sniper of the team, Mr. Deeks. She has her aim at Dringo the second you entered the room." Callen briefly explained._

 _Kensi just saved his life. She made true to her words. She was there._

 _They were about to exit when they heard an unfamiliar loud thud sound from their earpiece that halted their movement._

 _"Officer down! I repeat, officer down!" A shout from a police officer at the back side of the warehouse snapped the three men's attention._

 _"Oh my God! It's Kensi!" Nell's agitated voice was heard._

 _In a swift motion, Callen and Sam ran to where the commotion was happening. Deeks was quick to follow the two agents._

 _"What the hell happened?!" Sam asked as they sprint towards Kensi._

 _"Dringo's accomplice, the man you just arrested and handed over to LAPD, escaped and stole a police car. He hit Kensi." Eric explained in a rush._

 _"Shit!" Callen cursed._

 _Hearing what just happened, Deeks was speechless. He took his steps faster than his two companions, wanting to go to Kensi the soonest. He stopped when his eyes spotted her unconscious body on the cemented road, blood was trickling down the side of her face._

 _"K-Kensi!"_

* * *

Deeks' mind went into chaos after seeing Kensi's unmoving form on the ground. He heard voices calling for an ambulance, saw Callen and Sam in action trying to help their fallen teammate and watched as policemen hastily grabbed the bald man who was stupid enough to bump the car he stole into a tree in his try to escape after hitting Kensi. He almost lost himself seeing the man alive and walking on his feet while the woman he loved was on the ground, immobile and hurt. Callen and Sam were quick to hold him back, mumbling words he couldn't understand that very moment. It was a struggle to contain his rage and not break the man's bones, who seemed to realize the effect of his action seeing Deeks' agony. The man even plastered a cruel smile thinking he had won but a second later he was doubling in pain when Sam knocked him on his stomach. Deeks tried to enjoy the bald man's distressed but he couldn't. His focus went back to Kensi.

An ambulance arrived and Kensi was escorted to the hospital with Callen accompanying her. Deeks wanted it to be him who would be with her and not Callen but Hetty informed him that it was the team leader's name who was in Kensi's emergency person list. Deeks could only watch the medical officers carry the still unconscious Kensi in the vehicle with Callen climbing in promptly. Sam offered to drive them both to the hospital and he agreed in a flash. He needed to see Kensi the soonest, needed to assure himself that she will be alright.

Sydney, who wanted to comfort him, tried to join them but was advised by the medic to take a rest after giving her statement to the police officers. Deeks felt obligated to drive Sydney to her home but she dismissed his idea, convincing him that she was okay with a police man escorting her back to her house. She even promised to check on Kensi as soon as she can.

Deeks heard the sound of the door opening but his eyes never left Kensi.

"Mr. Deeks," Hearing a familiar voice, he turned and saw a short older woman in an eyeglasses standing a few steps from him.

He stood up to offer his hand to the woman. "Mrs. Lange."

A gentle smile formed on Hetty's face. "You can call me Hetty, Mr. Deeks. And it's a Miss."

Surprised, "Oh, alright. Hetty,"

Hetty's gaze turned on the sleeping form of her agent. "How is she?"

Deeks updated the older woman of Kensi's status. It had been an hour since Kensi was transferred to a private room after undergoing several examinations as per the doctor's advise. According to Callen, she had awoken while inside the ambulance. Although groggy, she was able to answer correctly all the medical officer's simple questions. She told them that she was fine and even tried to convince them to just bring her home. But Callen was familiar with her 'I hate hospitals!' attitude and insisted that she needed to be check out by a doctor.

The cut on her forehead was already treated on the way to the hospital. Upon arriving, she was immediately checked physically by the doctor. After undergoing MRI and X-Ray, the doctor told Kensi how lucky she was that she didn't suffer from broken bones. Her loss of consciousness was due to a concussion when she hit her head on the hard cement. She complained how her whole body ached and was given a pain killer. Despite her demand to let her leave, the doctor advised that she stayed overnight for observation. Kensi was left no choice but to follow the man in a white lab gown's order.

Deeks arrived with Sam after finishing giving his statement to the police officers. He wanted to be with her the fastest but his role on the case thwarted him from just leaving. Callen was kind enough to update them from time to time of Kensi's latest status. The team leader understood how worried they must be.

She was already asleep when they arrived at the hospital at last. Deeks hid his disappointment of not catching her awake by convincing himself that she was alright. She was hurt but would be fine with rest. Callen and Sam left him alone with Kensi to go back to OSP and finish their paperworks of the case. They told him that they will be back first thing in the morning.

"I think we need to do a rain check on our date tonight, Kensi." He whispered as he took the seat next to her and carefully grabbed her hand. His eyes lingered on her and watched her steady breathing. It gave him satisfaction to see that she was alright.

He hated to admit but seeing her prone body moments ago scared the hell out of him. Deeks didn't want to think what would happen if she - He couldn't even continue his thought. No, losing Kensi wasn't an option. Not now, not ever.

"I love you, princess." He mumbled, giving her hand a light kiss.

It was only when Hetty arrived that he moved.

Deeks watched as Kensi's boss gave him an understanding smile after his update. The older woman moved towards the bed to caress Kensi's hand with hers. "She has been through a lot." Hetty began, her eyes locked on the sleeping agent. "She's never been the same after you left."

He was surprised to hear those words from her. "H-How..."

"I know a lot of things, Mr. Deeks." The mysterious Hetty Lange simply said. She pulled out a necklace from her pocket and offered it to him.

Wide-eyed and with trembling fingers, Deeks took the necklace from the older woman's hand.

"It was removed from her before the examinations. She was wearing it when she was hit." Hetty shook her head softly. "No, I believe it didn't leave her body ever since you gave it to her."

* * *

His fingers were stroking the silver round ring. M and K. Martin and Kensi. An overwhelming feeling was flooding him as he lovingly touched one of his most valuable treasures. He was alone again with Kensi still in slumber. Hetty already left minutes ago.

 _'It didn't leave her body ever since you gave it to her.'_

Deeks remembered her words. He now knew that it was _his_ ring she was holding whenever her hand was on her chest. All this time, she had been holding onto their promise. The words they exchanged when he gave it to her were never forgotten. Unlike him who chose to give up on them, Kensi never did. She stayed true to their love.

"I-I'd like to have it back, if you don't mind."

His eyes flew to the owner of the voice. Kensi, already sitting upright on her bed, was smiling at him. Her hand was open waiting for her ring back.

Too focused on his latest discovery, Deeks didn't see her woke up and moved. He slowly placed the necklace on her palm.

Kensi was eyeing the initials on the silver band. "I-I couldn't. I know you asked me to forget you, to forget us but I couldn't, Deeks. I tried. God knows I tried. But every time I thought I have forgotten you, my heart seemed to have a mind of its own because it was always going back to where it belongs." She lifted her gaze to look at him. "To you. It has always been you, Deeks."

In an instant, she found herself enveloped in Deeks' arms.

Deeks was mindful of her aching body, his embrace were gentle and careful. "It has always been you, Kensi." He whispered while planting kisses on her hair. He wanted to feel her lips against his but was afraid to hurt her if he did. He settled himself in joining her on the bed. Sitting beside her with his arm draped around her shoulders, he felt Kensi's head leaning against him. Her hand was comfortably placed on his chest.

They remained in silence, basking on the feeling of being in each other's embrace once again. With both of their eyes closed, they didn't see the door opening and two people entering the room.

"Kensi?" A woman called.

Kensi and Deeks opened their eyes and saw Donald and Julia standing near them and staring at them flabbergasted. Deeks removed himself on the bed and stood up to greet the people he had not seen for 15 years.

"Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Blye." He extended a hand.

Donald, the first to recover from the surprise and even if with questions in his eyes, acknowledged his presence and welcomed his greeting. "Marty. It's been so long."

When Deeks turned to greet Kensi's mother, he wasn't surprised to see that she didn't look happy seeing him. Didn't look happy at all.

* * *

Author's Notes: Thank you all for your wonderful words. I'm glad to read them all.


	12. Chapter 12

_"Nice shot, Agent Blye!"_

 _"Thanks." She answered the police officer's compliment_ _with a smile and continued her walk towards her waiting teammates and Deeks._

 _Exiting the building where she took her position as a sniper, Kensi couldn't contain the happiness she was feeling seeing how everything turned out smoothly. Sydney was safe. Deeks was safe. Dringo, although not in their original plan, was killed. But they still have the bald man and hopefully he knew just much about their client and would confess given the right amount of persuasion from Callen and Sam. She was even willing to join them if they will ask. She can be very persuasive too._

 _Her mind drifted back the second Deeks entered the warehouse. She had been a trained sniper since she began her career at NCIS. Just like her father, who she idolized since she was young, Kensi underwent training to enhance if not perfect her skill. It wasn't easy pulling the trigger on a human being because no matter what, they were still humans. But she knew that if she didn't, innocent people will die. And she couldn't let that happen. The suspect already made a choice the moment he decided to hurt their victims. So Kensi shooting him was one of the consequences of his action._

 _But looking back at the second that Kensi shot Dringo with her rifle, she was well aware that Deeks wasn't just one of the victims. He was Deeks, the man she loved. And seeing his life get threatened through the scope of her gun, Kensi didn't hesitate to pull the trigger. Her bullet killed their suspect. But it saved Deeks. And she would do it over and over again, willingly and without hesitation. Because she couldn't let him get hurt. Because he was Deeks, the man she loved._

 _She took her steps a little faster, wanting to see and check him herself. When she heard his voice again after shooting Dringo, Kensi released a breath she didn't realize she was holding. It was a close call. A second too late, it would have been Deeks who was dead on the floor and not the suspect. A shudder ran through her body imagining if she had been late saving him. Kensi shook her head, dismissing the sordid thought and trying to get her attention back to their upcoming dinner tonight._

 _She had been in a countless of dates in her 32 years of existence. With her mother's consistent meddling in her non-existent lovelife, a month didn't pass by that she didn't go in a dinner at least with a man Julia deemed to be the right one for her daughter. But this time, it will be different. Deeks was not just any other man._

 _'Fish tacos for dinner?' Kensi stifled a giggle thinking that if they were going to have fish tacos later, what dress would she wear with that._

 _Her thoughts were on Deeks and their dinner plan that it had been too late for her to hear the commotion behind her._

 _"Agent Blye! Behind you!"_

 _A police officer's warning shout of her name made her turned around only to see a police car running down her way. She recognized the man behind the wheels. It was Dringo's accomplice. It was too late for her to avoid him. Kensi felt her body bounced on the hood to the windshield and finally to the ground at the impact of the hit. Her eyes slowly drifted close with Deeks on her last thought._

* * *

"Hetty called us." Donald said.

Her parents had already settled themselves inside the room right after the surprised exchange greeting with Deeks, who decided it was best to leave and give them privacy.

Kensi was saddened to see him go but he promised her that he was just going to get some coffee at the cafeteria and would be back again.

"The doctor wanted me here overnight for observation but I'm fine. It was just a concussion. Nothing new. I'll be out tomorrow." She briefly explained to her parents.

She could sense that they wanted to question her about the blonde young man they had not seen for a decade and a half but were hesitating. She didn't know how they would feel with Deeks coming back in her life again. The way her and Deeks' relationship ended 15 years ago was a moment Kensi wished they could forget. Her parents were witnesses to who she became after Deeks broke up with her and it was not a pleasant memory for them.

Kensi could tell that Donald wasn't mad at him. He had always been nice to Deeks and treated him as a son before. But after the tragedy, she wasn't sure if her father would be welcoming. Looking back to their greeting, she could see that Donald's face held no anger at him. He was shocked, to say the least, but welcomed the younger man kindly.

It was a different story when it came to Julia. Kensi discerned that her mother had her reservations to Deeks before, even when they were just friends. For some reason that she didn't get the chance to know, the older woman never liked him. It got worst after the tragedy. Julie was mad that her daughter was almost killed by Deeks' father. Kensi knew that Donald pacified his wife's rage at the younger man because he just lost his mother when Roberta saved Kensi's life.

Her parents were grateful that if it weren't for Roberta, Kensi could have been dead. But she assumed that in Julia's mind, if it weren't for Deeks, her daughter's life wouldn't get threatened in the first place.

And it seemed that after all this time, Julia was still holding a grudge at Deeks. It was evident in the way she reacted at his greeting. She took Deeks' hand and smiled but Kensi could see in her mother's eyes the underlying hatred for him. And it worried Kensi.

She closed her eyes. A headache was sure to come if she continues to think Julia's obvious loathing at Deeks.

"Is something wrong? Do you want me to call a nurse, Kensi?" Julia's concern voice made her open her eyes.

"I-I'm just tired mom."

Honestly, Kensi wanted her parents to leave. She was afraid that if they started asking questions about her and Deeks, she couldn't answer them because she didn't know how to answer them. Yes, they have a pending dinner plan. Yes, Deeks already made it clear to her that she was the only future for him. Yes, she told him that her heart had always belonged to him. But it wasn't clear what they are to each other now. They sure have a _thing,_ it was that obvious. But what is it?

"Okay. You need to rest. We'll be leaving now." Julia seemed to take pity on her and volunteered to go home.

"Is Marty going to stay here with you tonight?" Donald, the ever brave Marine, didn't think twice to ask.

"Y-Yes. He'll be back." Kensi saw her mother's eyes widened at her answer. "It's okay, Mom."

"We'd like to catch up with him some time, Kensi. It's been a while since we last saw him." Donald suggested, his hand casually draped around his wife in his subtle way to restrain her.

She nodded and forced a smile. "Of course. I'll tell him that, Dad."

* * *

 _15 years ago. Roberta's funeral. Before the mass._

 _Deeks was standing beside her mother's coffin. His eyes were fixated on the brown casket that was holding Roberta. The mass was about to start and there were already few people sitting on the chairs._

 _"Marty."_

 _He turned and saw Julia. When he looked around, he didn't see Kensi or her father._

 _"They are on their way." She blurted, as if sensing his silent question._

 _Deeks could only nod. He had not seen his girlfriend since he visited her at the hospital two days ago. She was heavily sedated when he came that he didn't get to talk to her. She wasn't injured physically but the trauma brought by Roberta's death forced the doctor to confine her._

 _He was busy preparing for his mother's funeral that he wasn't able to visit Kensi again. Ray was kind enough to_ _inform him that she was released from the hospital last night and would be present today with her family._

 _If he was going to be honest with himself, he was glad that Kensi was in deep sleep when he came at the hospital. He didn't know what he was going to say to her. He didn't even know how he was feeling about her right now._ _He was such a mess that a part of him actually hated Kensi. It was a wrong thing to blame her, Deeks was aware of that but his mother was gone because of her. Roberta died saving her. He lost his only family because of her. He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't help himself. He loved Kensi but Deeks was finding it difficult to approach her._

 _"I came here first to talk to you." Julia started._

 _He noticed how fidgety the older woman was, a clear sign of hesitation._

 _"I'm sorry for your loss. I've never met Roberta but Kensi used to talk about her a lot. She was nice to her and for that I'm thankful. She saved my daughter's life. We are forever in debt to her."_

 _Deeks watched as her eyes watered._

 _"I have so many things that I feel sorry for. So many wrong decisions that I regret. And I think this will be the worst of all." Before he can ask what she was talking about, Julia continued. "I'm jealous of you. Because you came and picked up the pieces that were broken when I left. I abandoned my family without thinking twice. I left for selfish reasons. I didn't think of my husband who was away fighting as a hero. I left my precious daughter alone without realizing how much she'll need me, her mother." A tear escaped her eyes and she quickly wiped it with her handkerchief._

 _"For two years that I was away, I was miserable. I regret everyday that I'm not with my family, that I left them. I always wondered how Kensi was. Does she go to school on time? How was her grades? Was she eating well? I longed to return to them but couldn't. When I finally had the courage to come back, I was surprised to see her living happily. And it's all because of you. You were there for her, Marty. I could tell that even my husband is living fine and it's because he is content that Kensi is happy."_

 _"You came and mend what I selfishly destroyed. You were there for them when I abandoned them. And I'm not blaming that you were. It's just that I felt unwanted when I came back. Like I'm no longer needed, especially by my own daughter. Like I don't have a place in her life anymore."_

 _She took a deep breath and somehow gained confidence. "But I love her. I love her so much that I am willing to beg you. Please, Marty. Please let her go."_

 _"W-What?" Deeks was surprised._

 _"I know you love her. I know you'll do what's best for her. And dragging her with you isn't what's best for Kensi right now. She's broken. She's traumatized. And we still don't know how to fix her. But she's young. There's still a bright future ahead of her. If you let her go now, you'll be giving her the chance to live her life the most. It will be hard for you too, I understand. But you're still young too. You're going to college and will be leaving her here alone anyway. Will it not be best to set her free? Free to do what she wants and not feel obligated and tied to you. Let her start anew."_

 _"I love her." He whispered. Despite how torn his feelings were for her right now, Deeks loved her. At the end of it all, he knew he would fight tooth and nail for Kensi. But hearing her very own mother's plea, would giving Kensi up was the best for her? For him? For them?_

 _Julia held his hands. "I know Marty. I can see how much you love her. And I can tell that unlike me, you're not a selfish person. You'll think of Kensi and what's best for her. Let her go, let her have the best. After everything that happened, doesn't she deserve it?"_

* * *

Deeks entered her room quietly. She was alone now, her parents must have left while he was outside reminiscing the day he walked out on her. He took Julia's advice that moment and set Kensi free. That had been the biggest mistake of his life. Thinking that he was giving her the best by letting her go, Deeks abandoned her like what her mother did to her. Deeks was in too much pain of losing his mother and hating his father that he didn't realize that he was giving up the only person left who loved him, his future and his life. All this time, he thought he was being selfless when he decided to end his relationship with Kensi. But after hearing what she had been through after he left, Deeks was beyond remorseful. If he could go back in time, he wouldn't take Julia's advice. He would stay with Kensi. He would be there for her and they would face everything together. They were stronger when they were together anyway.

Walking near her, he saw her sleeping. Deeks brushed her hair away from her face and his fingers accidentally grazed the gauze of her wound. His heart ached seeing the bump on Kensi's forehead. And it was because of him. Just like 15 years ago, she was hurt because of him.

A sigh escaped his lips.

"Don't." Deeks heard her soft whisper.

Kensi fluttered her eyes opened and stared at him. "Don't blame yourself because I was hurt."

"H-How did you know?"

She lifted herself to sit up straight and propped herself with her back resting on the headboard. She patted the space beside her with a hand and Deeks took it as an invitation and sat with her on the bed, mimicking her position. Kensi leaned her head on the nook of his neck and wrapped her arm around his stomach. "Because I know you, Deeks. Maybe we haven't seen each other for years but I know you. You have this habit of taking the blame from every misfortune that has happened when none of it was your fault. It's my job to protect you like it's my job to protect the others. There is always the risk of me getting hurt and this is not the first time that I was. It's just unfortunate that it happened again today."

"I don't want to see you hurt."

"Neither am I." She lifted her head to look at him, a proud smile forming on her lips. "Do you know that between me, Callen and Sam, I am the only one who have not been shot yet? And I am holding onto that title for as long as I can."

Deeks could only shake his head in surrender. Give it to Kensi to turn an unfortunate event to a celebratory one. "You really are something, Agent Kensi Marie Blye."

"Just doing my job Mr. Martin Andrew Deeks, President and CEO - slash - World renowned brooder."

"Hush." He swatted. Careful with her body, he gently cupped her cheeks with his hands. "I'm going to kiss you now." He whispered huskily.

Kensi closed her eyes. "I'm wait-"

She didn't get to continue her words because Deeks' lips were already on hers.

* * *

Sitting on the bed, Kensi was trying to suppress her laughter but was failing miserably. Her face was red and her eyes were teary. Deeks just came back with a take out bag of fish tacos from his favorite place, after leaving her the second time that night.

"Hey, what's with the laughter? Do you need a doctor?" He asked in confusion.

"I'm sorry." She apologized as she wiped the tears that escaped from her eyes. "It's just that I've been thinking this dinner a while ago. I was too busy wondering what dress should I wear if you really brought me to a taco place as planned. Never have I thought that this is how it's going to be." She explained while darting her finger at the food on the tray and herself.

"I didn't get you."

"Look at me, Deeks. I'm wearing a hospital dress while having fish tacos for our 'dinner'! This dress do not belong in my list!"

"But you look good in it. You can even have a garbage bag for a gown, you'll still look great for me, Kensi." Deeks added a wink at his statement.

Kensi rolled her eyes but blushed at his words. "I hate you."

"We both know that it's not true. You love me, Kensi."

"Deeks!" Kensi punched him on the arm.

"What did I do now?"

"I'm the one who's supposed to say that I love you. Don't say it for me!"

"What are we? Teenagers?"

Kensi threw another punch at him.

"Hey! That hurt! I didn't know you could punch like that. Do you train for that? I feel bad for every bad guy you hit, Kensi. I couldn't imagine you hitting them while you're on your 'no-sugar diet'. Remember when we were in high school, you punched Marco when he commented that it seemed you're gaining weight. He said that when it has been two weeks since you began your latest New Year's resolution; the no-sugar di-"

"I love you."

There was silence in the room while Deeks' mind processed what she had just told her.

"I love you, Deeks." Kensi repeated.

"Wow!" He exclaimed.

"Deeks!"

He rushed to where she was and kneeled before her. "I mean, you know that I love you right?" He asked as he looked into her beautiful hazel eyes.

"I do now." She grinned.

Kensi stared as he raked his fingers through his hair and she couldn't help but laugh at his obvious nervousness.

He cupped her face and locked his baby blues with her hazels. "I love you, Kensi. I loved you then, I love you now and I'll love you always."

His honest declaration made Kensi's heart skipped a beat. She was about to respond when,

"Wow!"

Surprised on whose voice it was from, Kensi and Deeks turned their head at the same time and saw a blushing nurse on the doorway.

"I-I'm sorry." The nurse, finally realizing that she was interrupting a very priceless moment, was quick to apologize and left the room in a haste.

The new couple shared a hearty laugh.

"Now where are we?" Deeks asked, cupping her cheeks again.

"I think you're about to kiss me."

* * *

Author's Note: It is always a pleasure to read your beautiful words. Thank you!


	13. Chapter 13

"It's not that I don't need a personal assistant but my secretary, Terry, who you already met is just enough for me. She gets the job done in getting me in line with my work schedules." Deeks tried explaining to the woman he was pushing on a wheelchair as they began sauntering towards the hospital's exit.

He retrieved his cellphone from his pocket and texted Ray who was already outside waiting for them to be ready. The longer blonde haired man volunteered to drive them back at Kensi's house upon hearing that she spent her night at her least favorite place.

She had already been given a release order by her doctor an hour ago. After finishing the paperwork needed, Kensi was almost forcibly sat on the wheelchair giving her a not so much of a choice: exit the hospital sitting on the two-wheeled chair or stay until she was compliant enough to obey one of their rules. A roll of her eyes after, she acquiesced and Deeks took the job of pushing her from the nurse and strode their way outside.

All people from her team at OSP had visited her that morning with Hetty giving her instructions to take a day off for today, report back at the office tomorrow and not to worry about her paperwork because her teammates, Callen and Sam, had already did it for her. Eric and Nell even brought a giant Teddy bear and written a get well soon card. The redhead younger woman also brought her overnight bag from the office which Kensi greatly appreciated. Deeks was floored to the thoughtfulness of her teammates to her and she couldn't agree more. They were the best and she wouldn't wish for a better second family than them.

He had also finally been properly introduced to the entire team by her. Kensi, summarizing who Deeks was in her life, told them that he was a man from her past whom she had not seen for years. Her teammates, although still a bit wary except for Hetty, seemed to accept her explanation without questions. But their eyebrows raised noticing how intimately the shaggy blonde CEO was standing beside Kensi and their eyes caught how his hand was draped so casually on her slender waist.

* * *

 _"So, you're friends from San Diego?"_

 _Kensi rolled her eyes at the team leader's attempt to interrogate Deeks. "Callen!"_

 _He turned to her innocently and gave a shrug. "What?_ _I'm just asking."_

 _"Can you not do that?" She swatted and looked at Deeks apologetically._

 _Deeks only gave her a nod before addressing Callen's question. "We started out as friends actually." He began, thinking there was no better way for them to trust him than be honest with them. After all, they were federal agents who were used to press the truth from their suspects. "And became more than that but some unfortunate circumstances happened that made us drifted apart." He felt Kensi's warm hand on his, supporting him._

 _"So what's this_ thing _going on with you two now?" The literally-big brother, Sam, asked Deeks._

 _"Sam!" 'Oh, they are so gonna pay for that in our next sparring session!' Kensi silently promised herself._

 _Deeks chuckled at Kensi whose eyes were blazing with fire glaring at her two teammates. Hetty, Eric and Nell were watching them with interest, the trio tried not to show it but they were waiting on how he was going to answer. "Well, I think I don't really have to answer that because you all can see what's going on between us." He answered while tightening his hold on Kensi's waist and pulling her closer to him._

 _Kensi blushed at his blatant show of affection. Darting her eyes among her teammates, she watched as they stared at Deeks for a second, scrutinizing pairs of eyes locked on the blonde man. She let out a breath of relief when Callen gave them his famous smirk._

 _The team leader took a step closer to them and held out a hand. "Welcome to the family, Mr. Deeks."_

 _Deeks was surprised at his acceptance. "Thank you, Agent Callen." He replied as they exchanged a handshake._

 _"We should go out some time, Mr. Deeks. Callen and I still owe you the big brothers' speech. You know the one where we're supposed to say that you should take care of her and not hurt her or else..." Sam said as he gave his hand a firm handshake. "But if you don't know by now, Kensi's the strongest amongst us. She used to beat us in our sparrings and I mean, us, including me. So we'll not worry so much about her. We're pretty sure she can take care of herself."_

 _With almost-frightened blue eyes, Deeks glanced at Kensi who was smiling nonchalantly at him, her eyes were gleaming with mischief. "Thanks for the warning, Agent Sam." He gulped soundly that earned laughs from the entire room._

* * *

Before they left for work, Deeks also took the opportunity to thank them for their effort in the mission. Apparently, afraid of Sam's temper, the bald man they apprehended easily confessed everything he knew about the client. An NCIS team was already on its way to arrest the man who hired Dringo and killed Robert Vaughn.

Sydney also came to see her but there was an obvious awkwardness between them that she left after thanking her and handing her a basket filled with fruits. Kensi understood that it wasn't easy for the redhead to face and see her with Deeks. She just hoped that he wouldn't be placed in a hard spot because of them. She understood his friendship with Sydney and was grateful that he had found good friends when his life was hard. Sydney and Robert had been a big help to him and Deeks wouldn't be the man he was in the present without them. The friends also discussed Robert's funeral which will be held at his hometown in Florida.

Kensi received a call from her father telling her that they would rather go in a dinner with her tonight than visit her again at the hospital. She understood. She thought that it got to do with her frequent stays at that place in the past and the pain it brought to them. Realizing how it had been a while since she last shared a meal with them, she immediately agreed to their offer. Donald also mentioned that the invitation was extended to Deeks too and if she wanted, she could bring him with her. Kensi answered that she'll call them back after letting him know.

And now they were at the door of the hospital waiting for Ray and she had not told Deeks about the dinner yet. Kensi thought how busy he must be with all his meetings and prior scheduled commitments. Despite feeling happy, she was conscious that she had already taken most of his time by letting him accompany her since last night and again this morning. He only made a quick shower and change of clothes in his home while she was still asleep and was back with a breakfast take out with all her favorites, donuts included, before she was even awake.

"But what about your other stuff?" She asked, continuing their conversation. She had noticed that ever since he met her again, Deeks had been living a solitary life. Kensi was confused on how he could survive without a driver or an assistant to help him.

When she opened it up to him, she was told that he, in fact, had a driver but the older man had taken a paternity leave a few days ago since his wife just had a baby. Kensi was flattered when he offered to introduce Mike, his driver, to her in his return two weeks from now. It made her feel like he was making her a part of his life now.

Deeks shook his head. "I don't have other stuff."

"Who takes care of you at home? I mean who washes your clothes? Iron them? Cook food for you? Clean your house?"

"I do that all."

Kensi stared at him in surprise.

He stopped the wheelchair and moved to kneel before her. "I'm still the same man you used to know Kensi. I maybe DMV's president now but this is still me, the old Deeks. The one who can clean a house, wash the dishes and who can still cook better than you."

"How did you know I still suck at cooking?"

"I didn't. I just guessed. And I was right, obviously."

Kensi rolled her eyes at his teasing.

"Speaking of food..." Remembering what she was ought to tell him, she grabbed the chance to extend her parents' dinner plan invitation to him. "It's all up to you, Deeks. If you want I can tell them that you already have a prior engagement and couldn't back down." She suggested, silently hoping that he would say 'yes'. She didn't want to admit but she wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, even if they are going to be in the presence of others, her parents in particular.

"I'll be there." Without thinking twice, he answered.

"You will?"

"Of course. I faced them 15 years ago and survived. I can do that again if it means I can have you again in my life, Kensi."

"I'm already here, Deeks. With you. In your life. You don't have to face my parents if you don't want to. Nothing will change between us. I said it to you once and I will say it again now, I will not let anything come between us." _Even if it is my own mother._ Kensi wanted to add but she opted to shut her mouth.

Deeks took her hands and gave it a kiss. "You don't know how happy I am to hear that from you."

"Can you two lovebirds stop your canoodling for a while and climb already in the car so Kensi can go home." Ray's voice was heard. He was leaning against the car, a teasing smile on his lips.

"Why are they always interrupting us?" Deeks whined before helping her to stand up from her position.

* * *

"Oh."

Deeks rushed to her in panic. His heartbeat was fast as he looked around for whatever or whoever that made her sad, willing to slay it or them because nobody hurt his princess without paying the price. But his forehead creased in confusion when all he saw was her holding a pot with a dead plant on it.

They just arrived to her apartment minutes ago. Ray left the car for Deeks so his boss had something to use and decided to take a cab to work. Roaming his eyes around Kensi's one bedroom apartment, Deeks tried to contain his comment on how her place looked like a setting for Hoarders. Anywhere he looked, he can see clutters. Sam's warning on how strong she was had been instinctively stamped in his mind. So for survival's purposes, Deeks decided to refrain from voicing his comment.

Kensi was oblivious to all the unnecessary litters scattered in every corner of her place. She entered, welcomed him and offered him a juice which he accepted. Deeks sat on the sofa, but not removing one of her shirts that was lying on it first, and made himself comfortable while Kensi went to the kitchen to grab his drink.

"It died." Kensi replied, her tearful eyes turned from the dead plant to him. "It died, Deeks."

"The plant?" He confirmed.

"Yes. This has been the fourteenth since July. I killed a cactus, Deeks!"

"You killed something that thrives in Death Valley?"

She placed the pot on the breakfast counter and proceeded to get him his juice from the refrigerator. "Yes, obviously." She mumbled as she handed him his drink.

"Why not get a plastic one? You won't get heartbroken because it won't die, that's for sure." He suggested as he took a gulp of the juice. "I can bring you one if you want."

"So you're saying that there's no chance for me to grow a plant?"

Kensi's narrowed eyes halted him from replying 'Yes'. He shook his head 'no' instead. "Of course not. It's just that I know how busy your life is, with how much your work is taking almost all of your time, with you coming home at night after a very tiring mission, I just think that it would be best if you get a plastic plant instead if you really want a plant. That's what I'm trying to say. But it's your decision. It's all up to you." He was gasping for breath after his explanation.

They were staring at each other and he was beginning to feel nervous at Kensi's silent gaze.

Suddenly, she asked. "Are you in some way afraid of me, Deeks?"

"Of course not!" Came his immediate response but seeing Kensi's eyebrow raised in suspicion, he confessed. "Y-Yes. You're strong and could even take down Sam, the largest in your team."

Kensi laughed. "But we were sparring! If I didn't beat Sam or Callen, they will beat me. I am trained to be strong, Deeks. I need to be strong. It's part of my job." She took a step closer to him, pressed her hands on his chest and locked her eyes on his. "I don't want you scared of me, Deeks. I'm not going to hurt you if you're honest with me."

"You want me to be honest with you?" He tested.

"Of course. I'm a big girl. I can take whatever it is you have to say." Kensi plastered an encouraging smile.

"Uhm," Deeks brushed his hair with his fingers in agitation. "Uhm, youhavetoomuchcluttersinyourhome."

"What? I don't understand you."

"Your. House. Is. A. Mess."

* * *

'My house is a mess?!' Kensi scoffed as she talked to herself. She looked around her small living room and finally noticed how there were shirts, towels, pairs of socks scattered around. It looked like he was right, she thought bitterly. She stood up from the couch and one by one picked them up.

Deeks had already left. His secretary called and reminded him of a video conference he was supposed to have with a client from Singapore. Reluctantly, he kissed Kensi goodbye and drove away with a promise that he will be back later tonight to fetch her for Donald and Julia's dinner.

'Well, I'm sorry if I'm not like you, Mr. OCD! I'm a very busy person. You know saving people's lives?' She mumbled as if he was there and could listen to what she was saying. 'But you're busy too. And your job also saves innocents with all those softwares. Yet you can keep your home tidy.' Kensi slumped back to the sofa feeling defeated. Remembering how tidy Deeks' place looked like compared to her, her heart sank. 'I am really a mess.'

* * *

He climbed out of his car with a bouquet of roses in his hand. Deeks knocked on the door and waited for it to open. Seconds later, the door creaked open and she emerged. His eyes widened at the beauty in front of him. Kensi, in a red body hugging dress that fell on her knees and paired with a black stilettos, was beaming at him.

Faking a cough to clear his suddenly dry throat, he greeted her almost nervously. "H-hi." Deeks handed her the flowers. "F-For you."

He wanted to hit himself for stuttering in front of her. But in his defense, this was the first time he saw her looking like that. He had always known that she was beautiful, the most beautiful for him in fact. Her dark hair was left in loose curls and she had a little make up, not that he saw the need. His gaze went to her neck and his chest tightened seeing _his_ ring hanging on it.

'One of these days, I'll give you a ring that you won't have a choice but to wear on your finger.' Deeks' thought flew to the ring he had hidden in his safe lock at home. When his eyes caught it years ago, he immediately thought of her and how the platinum band with a 2 carat round cut diamond on it would suit her. It wasn't the ring with the largest diamond in that store and with his capability, he could buy something more expensive but when he touched it, Deeks imagined himself proposing to her and she saying yes to him. He bought it, took it home and kept it locked even though he was aware that time that having Kensi back in his life again would be next to impossible.

She felt her cheeks burning from the way he was gawking at her. Wanting to look good for him, it took Kensi more than an hour to prepare. The dress she chose was tight fitting and sleeveless that showed her lithe body in a sexy way but its boatneck neckline provided her the covering she needed for her chest. She left her shoulder length hair loose but curled it for added volume. Kensi opted to put on a light make up, sensing he would prefer it more.

When she heard a knock on her main door, her heartbeat quickened knowing it was Deeks on the other side. She put her necklace in a hurry and walked outside her bedroom to let him in. She watched as he looked at her with wide eyes.

Kensi roamed her eyes on him, taking in how handsome he looked tonight. His blonde hair was a little disheveled but it added to his manliness, if she must say. His dark blue long sleeves were cuffed on the wrists and its first two buttons were left opened. His black pants fitted him perfectly and they were paired with black leather shoes. 'He looks so handsome.' She thought giddily. She had always known that he'll grow up as good looking as he was when he was young if not more. But after 15 long years, Kensi never imagined a little scruff beard would add more sexiness on him. Mature Deeks, who now exuded power and money, was definitely better looking than the Younger Deeks.

Removing her eyes on him reluctantly, she looked down on the flowers in her hands. "Thank you, they're beautiful."

"But not as beautiful as you." Deeks voiced out before he could help himself.

Blushing, she looked up again to see him and was surprised that his gaze was locked behind her. She followed his sight and realized that what caught his attention. Kensi felt herself blushing more.

Deeks was speechless. His eyes caught Kensi's living room and was beyond astonished to notice that every corner of her place was now clean. Gone were the soiled mispaired socks on the center table nor the crumpled shirts on the sofa. He could finally see Kensi's DVD collection because the towel covering it had been removed.

"I know I haven't got to finish it yet but it's the best I could do given that I only have the whole after lunch and afternoon to clear everything. I finally found my missing nail clippers by the way." She babbled uncomfortably.

"You didn't have to do that, Kensi. You just came back from the hospital. You should have taken a rest instead."

"I've been through worst, Deeks. My confinement last night is not news to me. I just... I just want to...for you..."

Deeks couldn't help but smile. He was afraid that she'd overdone it but he appreciated her effort nonetheless. He pulled her by the waist and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "I love you, Kensi. I love what you are and what you are not. I love all of you, your hair, your smile, your heart, the way you smell, the way you look so cute when you're homicidally angry. Everything about you. Everything."

"I love you too, Deeks. I still can't believe that you are here now but I am happy that you are."

"Took us so long but it doesn't matter to me. The important thing is we found each other again."

"D-Don't let me go again, Deeks."

His heart ached at the vulnerability in her voice. "Never again, Kensi."

* * *

"I only want what's best for my daughter!"

Kensi was on her way to the comfort room when she heard arguing voices on the covered corner of the restaurant. The woman's voice was low but she understood the words clearly. She didn't want to eavesdrop but something had made her stop her steps and listen to them.

"I am the best for her!" Came the man's voice.

She froze realizing the voices were from Julia and Deeks. One hand flew to her mouth to stifle her surprised gasp.

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you again! I hope you're enjoying the story.


	14. Chapter 14

_"Nervous?"_

 _"No," He answered her, throwing her a glance before returning his eyes back on the road. "I got you, I have nothing to worry about."_

 _Kensi rolled her eyes at him and if she believed his words, he couldn't tell. Deeks also noticed how she had been doing that old habit of hers a lot lately and they were mostly thrown at him like the way she used to do in the past. And it made him happy everytime she did._

 _The two were on their way to the restaurant where Donald and Julia were already waiting for them. Kensi received a text before they left her house from her father, telling them that they just arrived at the restaurant._

 _"How about we go somewhere else?" He heard her suggested all of a sudden. "There's this newly opened Korean diner three blocks from here that serves the best beef bulgogi. How about we go there instead? I'll just tell them that we got tied up in something. They wouldn't mind it, I'm pretty sure."_

 _"Just so you know, I can see what you're doing." He replied with a smirk._

 _Kensi's eyes widened in mocked surprised. "You do? I'm surprised, Deeks."_

 _"Kensi,"_

 _She raised her hands up in surrender, a playful smile on her lips. "Fine. You got me. I'm not exactly looking forward to our dinner with them. I'm okay with us meeting my dad, he is always fond of you. But with my mom..." She watched as Deeks' smile dissolved and his face became serious. "What's going on Deeks?"_

 _"W-What?"_

 _"Is there something you're not telling me?" When he remained silent, "Deeks,"_

 _"It's nothing, Kensi."_

 _Sensing the finality in his voice, she decided to quit her inquiry and stopped asking questions._

 _They spent the remaining time on the road in silence. Kensi, in thinking that she must have annoyed him with her incessant questioning while Deeks' mind was on the burden of facing the person who contributed in making Kensi's life miserable years ago. 5 minutes later, they were on the doorstep of the restaurant._

 _Kensi felt a hand on her arm halting her from entering._

 _"Are we okay?" Deeks asked._

 _"Of course. I'm sorry if you felt forced to respond to my questions, Deeks. I hope I didn't offend you."_

 _He shook his head instantly. "No, don't apologize Kensi. It's me who should be sorry. I snapped at you."_

 _Kensi smiled, the tension between them melted away that moment. Grabbing his hand, she led him inside. "C'mon, let's get this over with."_

* * *

 _"I'm very proud of you, son."_

 _The older man's words and the sincerity in it stunned Deeks for a moment, the wine glass in his hand was left hanging before he noted to put it down on the table._

 _He entered the restaurant with Kensi holding his hand and taking the lead. They immediately saw her parents sitting and waiting for them. Deeks watched as she greeted them happily and it brought joy to his heart seeing how she had maintained her closeness with her parents through the years. When it was his turn, Deeks greeted them with respect and wariness, much like the same way he did at the hospital yesterday. The awkward tension between them was understandable, he deduced._

 _The four sat down and a waiter came to take their orders. There was a notable silence when the waiter left. Neither one of them knew how to break the ice. It was Donald who initiated the talking, asking the younger man how he had been since he left their town. Deeks, grateful for the chance he was given, answered the older man, telling him about his studies, how he was able to build DMV with his friends after graduation and the case that brought him back to Kensi's life. While he was talking, he noticed Kensi's hand on his, silently providing support. Her action didn't go unnoticed by Julia who was regarding them cautiously._

 _Their food arrived and they ate in less quietness with only Kensi doing most of the chattering. Deeks knew what she was doing and why she was doing it. Kensi wanted the tension between her boyfriend and parents to ebb away. She might told him that her parents' opinion about their relationship didn't matter but Deeks discerned that it would break her heart if things didn't go well tonight. Deeks promised to himself to do everything that he can to make this night a success for her._

 _While enjoying their desserts, he was surprised to hear Donald's words. He assumed that after the way his relationship with Kensi ended, the older man must be mad at him. Deeks would understand if he would show him hostility thinking he deserved it for what he did back then. He broke his daughter's heart, Donald should be enraged seeing him again. But there was no hatred in him, no grudge in his voice. It shocked Deeks to sense empathy in the older man. It was as if he understood his reasons for doing what he did no matter how absurd they must have been._

 _He cleared his throat before responding. "Thank you, sir."_

 _It wasn't everyday that someone would say how proud he was of him. Deeks longed to hear it from his mother but knew of its impossibility. Receiving it from Donald, who had been more of a father to him than his very own, it filled his heart with gratefulness. The older man's statement gave Deeks the recognition that he did well. He didn't want to admit but he questioned himself from time to time. It wasn't easy living a life with no parents nor family to guide you or give you advice, no one to consult about the decisions you're about to make. There had been several times before where Deeks doubted himself if what he had been doing was still right. To hear it from Donald, he realized his mother would have been proud of him too._

 _Deeks saw Kensi's father acknowledged his thank you with a nod._

 _"Uhm..." All eyes turned to Kensi who tightened her hold on him. With a smile on her lips, she gave him a glance then gazed at the older couple. "Thank you for the wonderful dinner Mom, Dad. I know this will be unexpected," She paused. "I still couldn't believe it myself either. Me and Deeks... uhm..."_

 _"We're together again, Mr. and Mrs. Blye. We just want you to know." Deeks finished her words and studied the reaction of the older couple sitting across from them._

 _Donald didn't seem surprised, he stared at the younger man for several seconds before nodding. "I couldn't say I didn't expect your news after seeing you on my daughter's hospital bed last night, Marty. I'm just concerned that it happened a little too fast don't you think? You saw each other again three days ago after years of no communication." When Kensi opened her mouth to argue, he quickly explained, "Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the two of you. I just want you to make sure that this is it this time. You two are in the right age now and I believe you already know what you are doing. But as her father, I am allowed to worry."_

 _"I understand your concerns, sir." Deeks honestly did. Things might have happened a little sooner than he expected but he wouldn't have it any other way. After seeing Kensi again, he couldn't afford not to be with her. Their time apart had been torture for him for years and he was through with that. They both deserved to be happy. And this time was the right time. "But I love Kensi." He locked his eyes on her. "I loved her before when we're young. I loved her when we're apart. I love her now that she's in my life again and without a doubt I'll love her in all the years to come."_

 _He returned his eyes on Donald. "I've made mistakes in the past and I'm not proud of it. I can't change any of the wrong decisions I did no matter how much I want to. They happened and I'm still very sorry that they did. But I will not be making the same mistake twice." He subtly glanced at Julia. "I know what it feels like to live without Kensi in my life, it's not something I'm looking forward to happen again."_

 _Deeks would like to add that if Kensi would want, he would marry her tomorrow but was afraid to scare her, who was looking at him in silent bewilderment. Maybe he could ask her next week, he thought._

* * *

 _"Marty,"_

 _Deeks just entered the restaurant again after taking a call from his secretary for tomorrow's schedule when he heard Julia's voice calling him. His cellphone rang minutes ago. Excusing himself to answer it, he left the Blyes to step outside._

 _Standing on the covered corner of the room was Kensi's mother. He stepped closer to her. "Yes, Mrs. Blye?" Whatever she would say, Deeks thought they wouldn't be good._

 _"Can I talk to you for a minute?"_

 _He glanced at the father and daughter who were busy talking to each other. "Of course."_

 _"I'm happy for everything you have accomplished." She began, "You've done well despite what you've been through. But why Kensi again? You can have your choice of women, I'm sure there are those who are throwing themselves at you. Why my daughter again?"_

 _"I think you know the answer to that. You left yet you came back." He simply said._

 _Julia noticed the hostility in his voice and she deduced its reason. "I thought you understood why I did what I did back then."_

 _"That time I did. I even thought I was doing the right thing giving her up." Deeks shook his head. "But I was wrong."_

 _"You did the right thing."_

 _Deeks' temper flared up. "No, I didn't! I left her when she needed me the most! I wasn't there when she had her nightmares! I abandoned her!" He hissed in controlled anger. Deeks didn't want to make a scene that would call Kensi and Donald's attentions. "I left you my number and address before I moved to college. I remember asking you to tell me any news about her. You promised me that you will. When I didn't hear from you I thought she was doing okay. But she was never okay after I left! She blamed herself! Too much that she needed a doctor's help! I could have prevented it! I could have saved her from years of self torment! She needed me but I wasn't there! Because I chose to trust you! I trusted your words!" Deeks took a deep breath to control his emotion. "And now I'm asking you, why?"_

 _"I only want what's best for my daughter!"_

* * *

"I only want what's best for my daughter!"

Kensi was on her way to the comfort room when she heard arguing voices on the covered corner of the restaurant. The woman's voice was low but she understood the words clearly. She didn't want to eavesdrop but something had made her stop her steps and listen to them.

"I am the best for her!" Came the man's voice.

She froze realizing the voices were from Julia and Deeks. One hand flew to her mouth to stifle her surprised gasp.

"I am the best for her! Not Andrew! Not any of your friends' son! I am! Listening to you when you asked me to give her up may have been the stupidest decision I have ever made. But trusting you when you promised me that you'll contact me to tell how she had been doing is definitely the most regrettable mistake I ever did. I shouldn't have trusted you. You never wanted me for Kensi, you never did. You sabotaged our relationship." Deeks' teeth gritted in hatred. His face was red in contained anger.

The hand covering her mouth trembled. Kensi's eyed were wide with realization. _Her mother asked Deeks to give her up? Julia promised him that she'll tell news about her but she didn't?_

"W-Why?"

Two pairs of eyes turned to her. Both were stunned to see Kensi standing with a pale face, watery eyes and was gasping for breath.

"K-Kensi," Julia took a step towards her but she backed away.

"Why?"

"I... I thought I was doing the right thing..." Tears started falling down the older woman's face. Kensi's eyes were filled with hatred and disgust that Julia bowed down. She was too afraid to see her daughter looked at her the same way she did when she came back after abandoning her. "I-I'm sorry."

"What's going on here?" The three didn't realize that Donald was already standing behind Kensi and was looking at them with concern.

"I-I can't do this right now." Kensi shook her head in surrender and whirled around.

"Kensi."

She ignored her mother's call and proceeded to leave. She heard Deeks' voice quickly bidding goodbye to her father. She heard Donald's voice asking her mother questions. She heard Julia's cry. Staggering, she stepped out of the restaurant and broke in tears.

Kensi's body shook as she cried. A moment later, she felt his arms wrapped around her.

"I-I'm sorry." Deeks whispered as he tightened his hold on her.

She let out tears of pain learning her own mother's deceits.

* * *

"I'm sorry for my mother, Deeks." She said.

They were inside his car parked outside her place. Deeks waited for her to calm down before driving her home. Silence again filled their ride. It was only when he stopped the car in front of her apartment that she uttered words. And they weren't what he was expecting.

"I didn't know she was capable of destroying us. I sensed that she doesn't like you, I saw it whenever you're around. I... I just didn't realize its extent..." Tears began pouring from her eyes.

"Don't hate her."

"How can I not?!" She asked in disbelief. "She's a selfish person, Deeks. She doesn't care for me. She thinks more of what the others will say. How can I not hate her after what she did?"

"She's your mother. She's a little protective of you but that's a given since you are her daughter. But she did those things because she thought they were right. Just like what I did. I'm partly to blame too. I listened to her and believed her. She didn't force me to follow her, Kensi. I made my own decision. And it was a wrong one." Despite how he despised Julia for ruining them, he didn't want Kensi to hate her very own mother.

Deeks waited for her reaction. She looked as if she was weighing his words.

"I'm tired of crying, Deeks." She mumbled after a while.

Deeks' heart broke at how little she sounded. He held her face and gently wiped her tears away with his thumbs. "I will never ever make you cry again, Kensi. I promise you that."

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Kensi asked in surprise.

She was waiting for Deeks who was bringing their dinner when her doorbell rang. Wondering who it was, she opened the door. Standing outside was Andrew.

"Hi." He greeted warily, offering her a box of cronuts. One of her favorites that he was aware of.

Kensi tried not to roll her eyes at him, already discerned who made him visit her. Taking his gift, she let him in. She sat down on the sofa after placing the box on the center table.

"Did she force you?" She asked nonchalantly, watching him settled himself beside her.

It had been two weeks since she discovered her mother's role in her break up with Deeks. Two weeks since Julia tried apologizing to her. The older woman already came to her place countless of times for the past 14 days. She even left numerous messages in her voice mail explaining her past actions. But Kensi was still mad at her mother that she couldn't face her whenever she would knock on her doorstep. She still couldn't listen to her explanations that she ignored her calls everytime she would see her name on the caller.

Donald, who was already made aware of his wife's manipulation, was mad at first. He didn't talk to Julia for a week that broke the older woman's heart more. But seeing how devastated his wife was, he forgave her and even helped her in her unsuccessful tries of apologizing to Kensi.

"Do I look like someone who's forced?" Andrew answered.

Kensi felt his eyes on her. "How's Keanna?"

"Waiting for you to teach her how to dance."

She smiled, recalling her promise to her goddaughter. "Things have been busy with me lately. I'll visit her as soon as I can." It was true. Their cases had been stressful this past week. And with Deeks in the picture, taking most of what was free on her day, Kensi had a little extra time to do more than grocery shopping.

"I'll tell her that."

"What are you not telling me?"

"What makes you think there's something I'm not telling you?" Andrew's brows furrowed.

"Please." This time, Kensi rolled her eyes. "Give it up, 'drew. What is it?"

"I knew."

"Knew what?" Kensi's eyes widened, catching on the meaning of his words. "How long have you known?"

Andrew shook his head in guilt.

"When we were together? Did you know?" Kensi didn't need to hear his response. Looking at his shameful face, she had her answer. She stood up and he was quick to join her.

"I loved you that time, Kensi. I wanted to be with you. It was selfish of me not to tell you about it but I was too in love you back then. I'm sorry." He hugged her. "I should have told you."

Kensi returned his embrace. "You should have. But I don't think that's important now."

"What do you mean?" He asked, letting her go.

"What I mean is things happen for a reason. It's hard to accept but Deeks and I are fated to lost each other first. Maybe it is in our destiny that we must go through that painful experience, built a life outside our comfort zone before finally finding each other again. We were too know-it-all back then, arrogant that we already knew what was ahead of us. But we learned our lesson. It was hard and awful but I believe it brought us to where we are right now."

"And me being in your life?" He asked, holding her again in his arms.

Kensi smirked. "Is like a kick in the nut experience."

He laughed. "You wound me, Kensi."

"Suit you right."

The friends laughed while in each other's embrace.

"I'm sorry again." He whispered on her hair.

"I know."

A clearing of throat pulled the former couple apart instantly. The door was already opened and Deeks was standing on the threshold with take out bags in one hand and the other was holding the duplicate key of her place she gave him last night. His eyes darted between Kensi and the man he recognized as someone he hadn't seen in a long while.

"Am I interrupting something?" He asked, dark face held no emotions as he eyed his former competition.

Kensi removed herself from Andrew's arms and walked towards her boyfriend. "Of course not." She replied, brushing her lips against his and taking the food from him. "You remember Andrew?"

"I believe I do." Deeks took steps closer to the other man. "Andrew,"

Kensi watched as he held out his hand to her friend.

Andrew took his hand and shook it. "Marty."


	15. Chapter 15

Her eyes were fixed at the blonde man sitting next to her, probing his face, trying to discern the reason for his silence. Dinner had just ended and they were now on the couch watching her favorite reality TV show. They tried inviting Andrew to eat with them but he politely declined, his wife and daughter were already waiting for him at home according to him.

Andrew's confession on how he had known about her mother's deception both startled and angered Kensi. But she was being honest when she told him that it was no longer important for her. She truly believed that whatever happened between her and Deeks were destined to happen no matter how much it broke her. Losing him and Roberta were the most painful experiences she had been through but Kensi had learned that it made her the person she was right now. It was not something she would prefer to withstand if she had a choice and how she wished no other person would go through the same ordeal because the pain was almost unbearable. But it made her stronger. It made her realize that what she and Deeks had was beyond compare. Not Andrew nor any of the other men she dated in the past could surpass him.

In the end, seeing Deeks again and knowing that like her, he, too, had never forgotten the love they once shared, made Kensi felt grateful despite all those lies and trickery her own mother had done. Their love story might have taken more than a decade to be given a second chance but it was theirs. Their very own love story. Their very own thing.

"So you like cronuts?"

She was pulled from her thoughts by Deeks, who was eyeing Andrew's gift that was still on the table.

"You could have told me, I could buy you a dozen boxes if you want." He added. "What brought him here by the way?"

Kensi felt the edge in his tone though he was trying hard to act as nonchalant as he could. "I didn't take you as the jealous type." She commented.

"I have always been the jealous type, you already know that. And please answer my question, Kensi."

She let out a sigh, feeling there was no other option but to tell him the truth. "I like cronuts, they're one of my favorites and Andrew knows that. It's a gift, a simple please-forgive-me gift."

Kensi saw Deeks' face etched with concern.

"What did he do?"

"Promise me you won't get mad."

"What did he do, Kensi?"

"He knew of my mother's past inappropriate action. He had known even before when we were dating. And he is sorry for it."

Deeks clenched his fists in anger. A part of him understood the man. Andrew loved her and would do anything to be with her. But it was a selfish decision because of what Kensi had to go through. The man who claimed to love her watched her almost destroyed her life when he was aware he could do something better for her.

"I told him it's not important to me now." He looked at her as if she had grown two heads. "Don't get me wrong, Deeks. What happened in the past broke me and it isn't something I can forget. But you're here with me now and that's what I'm looking forward to. I'm tired of living the same way I did ever since you left." Kensi took his hands and gently rubbed the back of them with her thumbs. "I hate them for deceiving us but I won't let my hatred destroy our second chance, Deeks. I forgave Andrew and I'm thinking it's time to forgive my mother too. Maybe I'll give her a call later. Things won't go back to what they once were that easily but it will be a beginning. I'm doing this for us. I want us to have a fresh start, Deeks."

"It will be nice for you and for us to forgive them. But I'm still buying you a dozen boxes of cronuts first thing in the morning tomorrow." If she was willing to overlook Andrew's mistake for the sake of their future, he would try to do the same but he couldn't promise anything more, Deeks decided.

Kensi chuckled. "Do you like me to get sick of them?"

He pulled her in his arms, letting her head lean against his shoulder. "Do you remember my words to you before? If I can give you the world, I will. I'm just being true to them, Kensi."

"If I didn't know you, I'd say you're using your money to beat his gift."

"And that's wrong how?"

Kensi looked up at him, held his cheek softly. "Don't do that Deeks. Don't get jealous of Andrew. He has always been a good friend to me."

"Did you love him?"

"Back then I thought I did." Kensi was being honest. There was a time when she felt Andrew was the man who could surpass her very first love. But it was nothing more but an illusion, a false belief her broken heart conceived. "But I realized that he and I are only great as friends. Andrew has a life of his own now. He's married to a wonderful woman whom he loves so much. They have a beautiful daughter, Keanna, my goddaughter."

"But that doesn't change the fact that he knows you more than I do. He knows things about you that I don't." Deeks tried to ignore the reality that no matter how amazing that they found themselves still in love with each other after all these years, the sad truth was time had already passed. 15 years had gone by and all that time, they made a life of their own and met other people. "He knows the things you like and dislike. And that box there is a perfect example." He said with his finger pointing at the innocent food. "I'll buy you a thousand pieces of cronuts had I known that they are your favorite, Kensi. But it took me to see another man bought them for you for me to know."

"Then let's get to know each other again, Deeks. We are together now, we have time." She said. "It isn't easy for me too, you know. You and Sydney are friends and business partners. You spend most of your time with her. And obviously, she still has feelings for you. But I will not do anything to jeopardize what you guys have. She's been there for you all these years and whether you admit it or not, she means so much to you."

Kensi was right, he admitted to himself. They spent the past years with other people, that was a known fact. There were some who had meant a lot more to them, some who became part of their lives. They cannot go back and change their past. But the future belonged to them and Deeks would make it sure that he would be the biggest part of hers.

She kissed him on the lips. "I love you, Deeks. I'm looking forward to knowing you more."

"I love you too, Kensi."

* * *

"What the-?" Kensi's shocked gaze drifted to her teammates, who were grinning ear to ear at her. Looking back at the first thing that caught her eyes when she entered OSP, her jaw almost hit the floor seeing the dozens of boxes of cronuts of different flavors that were spread around the entire bullpen. Instantly, she already knew from whom they came from.

"H-how?" She asked Callen who was busy biting the sweet dough in his hand and couldn't answer her.

"He had it delivered at the Boatshed." It was Sam who replied for his partner before picking up a piece from one of the boxes on his own table. "I can't say he is not resourceful."

Glancing at all the boxes, Kensi mentally counted how many they were. She lost count when she reached 48. The amount was more than the entire office could consume.

 _Deeks._

She had no idea that he was still hung up from Andrew's gift last night. They left her place the same time that morning. She in her car while he in his. Kensi couldn't figure out how he made it possible to buy that plenty of cronuts and had them delivered while she was driving on the way to work. She discerned Deeks had no idea of OSP's exact location since it was kept undisclosed but had been to the boatshed more than once so he was knowledgeable of its address. So the boatshed would have been his only choice, she concluded.

"I think it's sweet." Nell uttered, sweet excitement in her voice. In her hands were three boxes of the pastry.

"We like Mr. Deeks, Kensi." Eric added, his mouth was full of cronuts as he speaks.

Kensi could only watch as the people of OSP helped themselves with the surprised food, thanking her after. She just smiled at them and said her welcome, still stunned at her boyfriend's effort.

Her cellphone vibrated from her pocket. She dug it out and answered it without looking at the name of the caller. Kensi already knew who it was.

 _"Hello."_

"Hello yourself."

She heard him let out a chuckle. _"Am I in trouble?"_

"I already told you last night you don't have to this. And tell me how were you able to buy all of them?" Glancing at her wristwatch, she was astounded at the time. "It isn't even 8 in the morning yet."

 _"I have my resources, Agent Blye. I asked Terry last night to place an order on different bakeshops in the area that sell your favorite and asked them to deliver at the boatshed at 7 am."_

 _He really is resourceful,_ Kensi thought. "We'll talk more about this later, Deeks. The office says their thank you by the way."

 _"Tell them they are all welcome. I'll see you tonight, Kensi. Dinner at my place?"_

* * *

"I'm sorry Hetty. I didn't know he would do it. I'll talk to him about it. This won't happen again." Kensi explained, her eyes were on the boxes on top of her boss' mahogany desk. Despite feeling nervous, she couldn't help but found it ridiculous that even Hetty's table was not spared to Deeks' antic.

After talking to her boyfriend, she was called at the older woman's office. Kensi immediately assumed it was because of the surprised flooding of cronuts that morning.

Hetty shook her head. "No, this isn't about that Agent Blye."

She watched amused as the older woman took a piece from the selection.

"These are great. Not too sweet, just perfect for me." Hetty commented as she tasted the round pastry. "He didn't break any of our rules, if that's what you are worried about."

"Then may I ask why am I here?"

* * *

"... It will only be for two weeks, three at the most." She said.

Feeling hesitant on how he was taking her news, Kensi chose to focus on the content of her plate. The set of menu that Deeks prepared for their dinner was great. He could really cook, more than she could say for herself. The only recipe she had perfected was Roberta's lasagna. Kensi reminded herself to make his favorite when she returns.

She had a mission. An undercover operation that could take place for about two weeks. That was what Hetty discussed with her when she was called to her office that morning. Kensi couldn't disclose all the details to Deeks no matter how much she wanted. She would like to reassure him that she'll be fine, that Callen and Sam will be there to have her back. But she would be lying if she tells those words to him. Because the two senior agents were not joining her. The mission was only for her. It was not her first time to do that kind of case so she was confident she will succeed.

There was never a time ever since she started working as a federal agent that she felt this reluctant to accept a job. She had been through numerous already and Kensi had always been dauntless and even a little brash. She took her undercover identity to a t, assuming the role she was supposed to perform flawlessly everytime.

But sensing Deeks' eyes on her, the spirit she once had had started to weaken. Kensi didn't want him to worry for her but she knew he would. He had a busy and stressful life and she didn't want to add to his distress. Since they started dating, she had been familiarized to his daily schedule. His morning routine usually begins with a meeting with his employees, followed sometimes by several conference calls with DMV's clients from abroad. His lunch was mostly spent talking to his local customers while the rest of his afternoon was consumed overseeing the status of the company's current projects. With Robert's passing, he and Sydney were doing their late friend's job. Thus making him more occupied than before.

When she entered his life again, Deeks tried to, as much as possible, devote his evenings with her, either in her place or his. But there were times when he had no choice but to attend some night conferences and events, and Kensi was left spending the evening alone. With her job as an NCIS OSP agent, she tried to limit her exposure to Deeks' life. She didn't want to risk revealing so much of herself to strangers, knowing there would always be a probability of crossing their paths if she was assuming an undercover identity. So despite how much she wanted to tell the world and every person in it that she was dating Deeks, she was doing her best to maintain a low profile and only get to be seen with him if necessary.

Deeks understood the risk of her job and was respectful of her choice. But she was aware that deep inside, he didn't like not to be able to introduce her to his world. If he needed someone to accompany him during those events, Kensi would force him to take Sydney instead. After all, the redhead was his business partner and was invited to those parties too.

She was not a jealous person but she was beginning to feel that unwanted feeling towards Sydney, or rather to the time she was spending with Deeks. She wanted to be the one to join him in the parties. Kensi wanted to be the one holding his arm while being photographed by some business magazines and newspapers.

It wasn't about the glamour of Deeks' life that she couldn't get to experience. She was sure that she would still love him even if he wasn't DMV's President. She was envious because she felt she was robbed of 15 years of him. Kensi hated the time they parted but sensing there was nothing she could do about it, she tried to console herself that their present and future were more important. But her time with Deeks now in the present was very limited unlike the time Sydney had for him. And it made her feel resentful.

"How much longer do you think you'll be doing your job?"

To say she was completely shocked at his sudden question was not true. Lately, she had been thinking about the future. Her mind had begun to ponder over what would it be like for her years from now? She started asking herself where does she sees herself in the future? And through all those questions, Deeks was the common answer she came up with.

Imagining a life with him didn't make her scared because she used to do it when she was 17. But a part of her was afraid that she was giving up who she was. "I honestly don't know. This is who I am, Deeks. This is the only thing I know."

"But you'll also be an amazing mom, Kensi. You even told me how Keanna loves you and looks up to you."

"Yeah, she does. But-"

Deeks reached out to grasp her hands. Lifting them up to his lips, he gently kissed them. "I'm not asking you to give up your life. That's not what I like to happen. I just want to be a part of it."

"You already are, Deeks." It was true. After coming back to her life, he had become a big part of it. And Kensi knew that it was only a matter of time before they moved to the next step. Deeks had been hinting a lot lately that he was ready to become more to her than a boyfriend and she was not clueless to what he meant. The question was, was she ready?

* * *

"Good morning, Ms. Blye."

Stepping outside of Deeks' home, Kensi beamed at the dark haired older man holding out the door of her car open for her. "Good morning to you too, Mike. And I already told you, it's Kensi."

She had met Deeks' driver/bodyguard three days ago when the older man reported back to work after taking a leave of absence. She liked Mike, who had been with Deeks since DMV started. He was loyal to his boss, Kensi could see it. His concern for the younger man was exceptional and she was grateful for it.

Mike blushed at her swatting. "I'm sorry, Kensi."

She walked near him. "It's alright. How's the baby?"

"Awake all night. For someone so small, she could cry so loud."

Kensi burst into laughter. "She's just like my goddaughter. They sure are a treasure." She glanced at the front door, waiting for Deeks to emerge. Her schedule this morning was tight and she was already running a little late. Trying to hide the sadness that began creeping in her, she forced a smile. "I'll be gone for a while, please take care of him for me."

"Of course, Kensi." Mike nodded, an understanding smile plastered on his face.

"Since when did you become my babysitter Mike?" Deeks asked his driver as he strode towards them. He heard the last part of their conversation.

"Just doing what I am asked sir." The dark haired replied before stepping away from the couple, giving them privacy.

Draping an arm around Kensi's shoulder, Deeks pulled her close. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

He cupped her cheek and looked into her eyes, "Take care of yourself, Kensi." He whispered solemnly.

If he had a choice, he wouldn't let her leave. If he could get away with it, Deeks would lock her up in his bedroom and never let her go. Thinking that she'll be gone for two long weeks, he felt sick. He trusted Kensi's training and was aware that she had been doing covert operations for years now. But he was anxious for her. From what little information she gave him last night, he knew she would be alone during the entire mission. Although her teammates would be monitoring her progress, she would be most of the time out of communication with them. Kensi also mentioned that she had done the same kind of mission a few weeks back just before they saw each other again and it had been a success. Deeks should feel at ease that she had experience but not unless she was back to him unscathed, he would worry for her.

"I will. Don't tire yourself from work. And give Ray a break, the poor man deserves it." Kensi tried to lighten the atmosphere. The woe of having to leave him without any means of talking or hearing from him was starting to weigh on her.

This was the first time since they started dating that she had to leave on a mission. Kensi didn't realize it would be this hard. She knew she would be back and it was not like she had to go oversea but the effect was still difficult. Her chest tightened when she felt her cellphone vibrates in her pocket. She was sure it was Ops Center's text message telling her how she was already needed for briefing. It was a reminder for her to report now.

"I... I gotta go, Deeks." Giving him a passionate kiss one last time, Kensi reluctantly removed herself from his grip. "I'll see you in two weeks. I love you."

"I love you too."

She climbed in her car, started the engine and glanced at his somber face. And that was when she knew it...

With a smile so bright, Kensi uttered. "I'm ready, Deeks." She saw his eyebrows contorted in confusion. "I'm ready to be your wife. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" She couldn't wait for his reply, the consistent vibrating of her cellphone made her started driving slowly away. "I'll need your answer in two weeks! I love you!" She shouted, giving him a wave before pressing a foot in the accelerator.

Glancing at the rear view mirror of her car, she saw Deeks' face turned from utter shock to complete elation. She even sighted Mike's happy face. The driver clearly witnessed her proposal. He patted Deeks on his back and shook his hand.

Kensi's grin never left her face as she drove away.

 _Two weeks. 14 days. 336 hours._

She started counting the days and hours she would get to be in his arms again.

* * *

Author's Note: Inspired by your beautiful opinions, this chapter was written quicker than what I expected. Thank you again.


	16. Chapter 16

18 days. 432 hours.

Kensi was staring at herself in the mirror. Satisfied with how she looked, a small smile graced her face. Her purple dress fitted her just right. Her hair was fixed in an updo with tendrils hanging at the side of her face. She put on make up and painted her lips red. Feeling finished, she walked towards the corner of her small bedroom and took her pair of black 4-inch pumps. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she slipped on the shoes, grimacing all the while. _I hate heels!_ She cried to herself. In times like this that she appreciated and missed her work boots and the comfort they were providing her feet everytime.

Running her eyes on her complete look, she let out a sigh. It had already been more than two weeks since she became Emma Romeo, personal assistant to Attorney Wesley Benson, partner at Jackson & Benson LLP. Benson was believed to being connected to several illegal arms dealers operating in Los Angeles. According to the report given to NCIS, these group of arms dealers, who were masquerading as his clients, were listed in his 'blackbook'. It was her mission to find where Benson was keeping his list and seize it.

Working as his personal assistant was the right job to gain access to his office. Since she was with him during office hours, she was able to gather intelligence about his day to day activities and monitor the people that were coming to his office. From what information she had collected so far, the coveted book was being stored in the lawyer's office, inside the secret vault hidden in his bookcase.

Kensi had already discovered the safe lock but was unable to gain access of it for she didn't have the necessary gadget to bypass its password. But that problem was easily solved. NCIS had handed her a device that could crack the vault open. All she needed was a moment to went inside Benson's office and with the gadget she was given, Kensi would be able to take a hold of the 'blackbook'.

Tonight was the perfect time to finish her job. A party was being held at the office in celebration of its founding anniversary and she was required to attend. She already contacted her teammates and reported to them the upcoming event. A plan was easily created. Callen and Sam would be there as her back up, posing as waiters during the party. While the bosses and guests were busy, she would sneak into Benson's office to steal the book and her mission would be over.

And she would be back to being Kensi. And she would see Deeks again. And she would finally know his answer to her proposal.

These thoughts made her adrenaline pumped high. She really wanted this operation to be settled. It had already been 18 days since she last saw him. 432 hours since she last felt his kiss and touch. The estimated 2 weeks took longer than she expected. But it was going to be over tonight. If all ends well, she'll wake up tomorrow morning in Deeks' arms, whether in his bed or hers didn't really matter for her.

Her doorbell rang. Knowing it was the taxi she called to pick her up, Kensi grabbed her purse and double checked if the device was secured inside. She strode towards the front door to exit her cover apartment with the goal to finish the job tonight in her mind.

* * *

"Emma!" A grinning middle aged man in a suit called her name as she entered the building.

Kensi smiled and began her way towards her boss. "Mr. Benson."

Benson held her by the small of her back and she tried so hard not to cringe at his touch. "Come, I'll introduce you to my friends." He said ushering her gently towards a group of people in suits and dresses.

The lawyer's behavior had always been professional to her since she started working for him. That was why it surprised her to see him acting the way he was. But after smelling the stench of alcohol in his breath, Kensi immediately caught on his drunkenness. As they strode through the crowd, she subtly looked around and tried to recognize her teammates from the mass. Instantly, her eyes caught Sam, who was holding a tray with several cocktail drinks on it. He glanced at her and gave a swift nod which she returned promptly.

"People, I'd like you to meet my newest assistant, Emma Romeo." Kensi's attention went back to her boss as he introduced her to the group. She looked at the people warily, trying to get familiarized to their faces. She recognized some of them as his clients. "Emma here has been working for me for almost three weeks now and she has potential. She's hardworking and very dedicated." Benson proudly stated, slurring his words as he did.

Kensi acted like she was being shy at his compliments. "Thank you, sir. That's very kind of you."

"Drinks?"

Callen, looking uncomfortable in a waiter uniform, was standing at her side, offering them beverages from his tray. His free hand secretly handed her an earpiece. Kensi took it as stealthily as she possibly could, hiding it in her hand instantly. She glanced around to see if anybody noticed her action. Seeing how everyone was busy talking to each other, she quietly placed the earpiece in her clutch before taking a glass of martini from Callen's tray, who walked away shortly after.

"I need to go to the washroom, sir." Kensi notified her boss.

"Don't be too long, I need you here in 5 minutes. We're about to begin."

"Yes, sir." She stepped away from him and strode towards the direction of the bathroom.

Inside the toilet, Kensi locked herself in a cubicle and quickly placed the small device in her ear, tapping it once to turn it on.

 _"Welcome back, Kensi."_

Nell's greeting made her smile. "I miss you, guys." She said to all of them, well aware that Hetty, Eric and Nell were monitoring the operation in Ops Center while Callen and Sam were spread out in the venue.

 _"We miss you too."_ She heard Callen. _"Tell us when, Kens."_

"There's going to be a dance after Benson's speech. I can slip out to his office then."

 _"Alright. We'll wait for your go signal."_ Sam said.

"Okay. I need to go back now."

Kensi ended her talk to the team and began walking back to the party. She saw Benson and his business partner, Edmund Jackson, talking to each other. She had met the older man during her first day. He was a nice and gentle mannered lawyer who specializes in corporate laws. "Attorney Jackson, congratulations on the anniversary." She greeted him as she neared them.

"Ms. Romeo, it's nice to see you again. You look great." Jackson acknowledged her warmly, appreciation was evident on his face.

 _"Oh my God."_ Eric's panicked voice was heard.

Kensi wanted to know what alarmed the Technical Operator but she got her answer when she heard _his_ voice.

"Good evening."

She froze on her spot when she recognized Deeks' voice from behind her. Kensi watched as Jackson's face lit up.

"Mr. Deeks, Ms. Marshall I'm glad you made it." He greeted the newcomers.

"We're glad to be here, Atty. Jackson. Happy Anniversary." Kensi listened to Sydney's soft voice.

"Let me introduce you to Atty. Wesley Benson, the Benson to our Jackson and Benson and his assistant, Ms. Emma Romeo. Mr. Martin Deeks and Ms. Sydney Marshall owners of DMV Technologies, my newest client." Jackson said oblivious to the truth in the room.

 _"We didn't see them came in."_ Callen uttered apologetically.

Kensi was left with no choice but to turn around and face the two. Quietly running her eyes on him, she noticed how handsome he looked in a suit. Sydney was beautiful in her pale green evening dress. She looked at them and carefully regarded their reactions. Surprised was an understatement when they saw her.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Deeks, Ms. Marshall." Benson greeted them, buzzed enough not to notice the recognition plastered on the partners' faces.

Deeks reluctantly drifted his eyes from her to return the man's acknowledgement. "Same here, Atty. Benson."

Holding her breath, Kensi watched Deeks and Sydney interact to her boss.

Benson placed his hand again at her back. "This is my assistant, Emma Romeo."

Deeks, who took the hint instantly, feigned like it was his first time seeing her. "Nice to meet you, _Emma._ " Glancing at Benson's arm on her back, his blue eyes darkened before holding out his hand at her.

"Nice to meet you too, Mr. Deeks." Kensi said, moving a step away from her boss, his hand sliding back at his side, before taking Deeks' hand.

Although clueless to what's going on, Sydney mimicked her friend's action and did the same.

"Okay, we're needed on the stage Edmund." Benson uttered. "Wait for me here, Emma. I want my first dance to be with you."

The two lawyers left Kensi, Deeks and Sydney to go up on the stage and gave their speeches.

"He's drunk." She whispered. Afraid that people might sense her familiarity with the two, Kensi's eyes focused on everything but them. "Celebrated too early." She added with dismay.

"Yeah, we can smell him from the outside." Deeks said with obvious disgust.

"D-Do we need to stay?" The redhead asked almost nervously, already spotting Callen and Sam from the crowd.

Kensi took pity on her, sensing she might still be mortified from her recent abduction.

 _"Ask them to leave, Kens. We don't want to risk them."_ Callen, who heard the woman's question, replied from the other side of the link.

"Got it." She mumbled. She turned to Deeks and Sydney. "It'll be best if you leave. It's dangerous to be here." Her eyes caught a group of men from the corner of the room eyeing her sharply. Already sensing the change of atmosphere in the room, she added in an almost plea. "Please Deeks, get Sydney out of here."

Kensi didn't wait for their reply. Turning her back to them, "I'm going in now. Callen, I think I was made out." She whispered in her comm link as she walked swiftly through the crowd.

 _"There are men following you, Kens."_ The team leader informed her. _"Sam and I will take care of them."_

"Okay. I'm taking the stairs."

Benson's office was located at the 4th floor of the building. She climbed the stairs on her heels, ignoring what would be the effect of her action on her legs and feet later. With the body trained for worst, Kensi reached her destination in no time.

Pausing for a second to catch her breath, she picked the lock of the office door and stepped inside. "I'm in." She said, digging out the device from her purse before walking towards the bookshelf.

She hastily removed the books that were covering the secret vault, and attached the gadget in her hand to the dial of the safe. Turning on the gadget, she waited for the green button to light up. When she heard a click sound and saw the green button lit up, Kensi opened the vault and quickly scanned the inside for the 'blackbook'. Immediately seeing her goal, she took it. She flipped through the pages and confirmed its authenticity. A smile broke from her lips. _Finally._ "Got it." She put it in her purse.

 _"Kensi, we have a problem."_ She heard Nell spoke through the earpiece. _"Mr. Deeks, he is-"_

"Kensi,"

She whirled around and her eyes widened seeing Deeks standing at the doorway. Kensi quickly assessed his physical appearance and noticed a bruise that was beginning to form on his forehead and blood marring the corner of his lips. One of the men she saw downstairs was holding him by his neck and a gun was pointed at his temple. Her heart constricted in her chest at the sight.

"Give me the book." The muscled man demanded in serious tone.

She held her breath as he tightened his finger on the trigger.

"The book, Agent Blye. I don't like repeating myself the third time."

Studying the man, she discerned that he would make true of his words and would shoot Deeks without remorse. Kensi tried to think of any other options she might have but being cornered in a small room with only one point of entrance and exit and that doorway was being blocked by a huge man, add that he was holding Deeks at gunpoint, she had no other choice but to give him what he wants.

Slowly with her eyes trained on the bad guy, she took the book out, lifting it for him to see. "I'm not giving this to you not unless you set him free first."

"You don't have the power to demand anything, Agent Blye." The man said, his eyes drifted from her to the table on their left. "Throw the book there and I'll set Mr. Loverboy here free."

 _"We're almost there."_ Kensi heard Sam's panting voice from her earpiece.

Wordlessly, she threw the book on the table and waited for him to do his bidding.

The man hit Deeks' nape with his gun. She watched wide-eyed as her boyfriend dropped on the floor conscious but groaning in pain. She wanted to come to him and check on him. But before she could move, she heard a shot and a bullet almost grazed her on the arm.

It was only then that she drifted her eyes to the man.

"Stay where you are." He said, his gun pointing at her now.

"You know you're not getting away with this right?" She daunted him. "In three minutes, officers will be surrounding this place. Tell me, how are you going to escape?"

"Shut up!" The man yelled. He became frantic and the gun in his hand started to shake.

Deeks tried to catch his breath as the pain at the back of his neck intensified. Still lying on the ground, he looked at Kensi and heard her ridiculed the man.

Kensi saw movements from the floor and her eyes caught Deeks looking at her. A feeling of relief came to her to see that despite the pain she knew he was in, he didn't seem disoriented. He gave her a nod, wordlessly telling her that he had a plan. She shook her head no, not wanting to risk him in any way.

The man noticed their exchange but before he could react, Deeks elbowed him on the knee while Kensi attempted to take the gun from him. Scuffle happened. Deeks got thrown on the wall. Kensi was shoved to the floor. She shook her head and tried to rouse from her position. _This man is relentless._ She commented in her brain, describing her enemy.

"No!" She heard Deeks' cry, followed by a couple of gunshots. Kensi found herself thrusted on the ground again. She was on her stomach and something heavy was lying behind her.

"W-Wha-?" She tried to ask while gasping for breath.

"A-Are you alright?" She heard Deeks' soft voice on her back.

"D-Deeks?" She struggled to move, to turn over her body to see him but his weight was restricting her. "D-Deeks?"

Kensi felt his head dropped forward and fell limply beside hers. "D-Deeks..."

* * *

Walking inside the ICU, her eyes immediately caught Deeks' prone body lying sideways on the bed. Gathering what was left of her energy, Kensi quietly paced towards him. Her heart ached at the sight before her. He looked so peaceful with his closed eyes and steady breathing. He had an oxygen mask on his face, an IV attached to one of his hands and a heartbeat monitoring device was placed on one side of the bed. With trembling fingers, she grazed the bruise on his forehead and choked on her cry.

"Deeks." Softly, she whispered his name. "H-Have you forgotten your promise?" Gently, she took his free hand and held it with hers. "Y-You said no more tears for me, you said you'll never make me cry again." She said as tears began streaming down her face. "I'm crying now and I don't know how to stop."

"I'm sorry I failed you again." Kensi's body shook as she cried, unwanted memories from 15 years ago came crawling back to her. "I didn't get to protect you. Like I didn't get to protect...your mother. I'm sorry, Deeks. You're hurt because of me. I'm sorry."

* * *

 _"Deeks..."_

 _Kensi felt him removed himself from her. Turning over, she saw it was Sam who carefully lifted Deeks and settled him on the floor._

 _"We need an ambulance! Now!" She heard Callen spoke and noted alarm in his voice as he talked to Eric._

 _She heedlessly crawled to where Deeks was lying down. He was unconscious and sprawled on his stomach with Sam pressing his hands on his back._

 _Looking at the scene before her, she was rooted on the spot. Kensi felt her world stand still as realization finally hit her. "N-No! Please no, no, Deeks!"_

 _It was chaos in her mind after that. She barely noticed another body lying a few steps away from them. It was the man who held Deeks hostage and was about to shoot her if not for her boyfriend taking the bullet_ _that was meant for her. He was obviously dead. Kensi only spared him a glance before she focused all of her attention back to Deeks._

 _An ambulance arrived shortly and brought him to the hospital with her on his side the entire time. He was transported directly to the operating room while she waited, unable to talk and trembling in shock._

 _Kensi had lost count on how many hours she had been sitting helplessly, waiting for someone to give her news about Deeks. Finally, the door of the operating room opened and an old man in a lab coat emerged from it. The doctor happily told her that Deeks' operation had been successful, the bullet had been removed from his body without complications. Luckily, no organ was damaged by the gunshot and Deeks will make a full recovery. He was already being prepped to be transferred in the ICU where he will stay for observation until he was stable enough for a private room. The doctor gave her a go signal to see Deeks once he was settled but only for a few minutes._

 _With tears in her eyes, she thanked the kind doctor. Kensi sat back on the chair again and waited silently until a nurse told her that she could finally see her boyfriend._

* * *

"Thank you Callen." She pressed the end call button of her cellphone and once again, stared off into space.

She stepped out of the ICU minutes ago, eyes red and swollen. Sitting on one of the chairs in the waiting room, Kensi's gaze focused on the blank white wall of the hospital. Deeks was still unconscious when she left. Despite knowing that it was going to be useless for he couldn't hear her, she still apologized to him. The guilt she felt when she saw his bloodied body on the ground almost killed her. She couldn't breathe. It was as if she was brought back in the past, only this time it was Deeks instead of his mother who took the bullet for her. It was her boyfriend instead of Roberta who saved her.

He almost-

No.

Kensi didn't realize she was over-breathing. Closing her eyes, she willed herself to calm down. Her cold fingers instinctively went to touch her ring pendant. She held onto it as she takes several soothing breaths.

 _'Deeks is going to be fine. He's_ _going to be alright.'_ She appeased herself by recalling what the doctor told her.

Minutes later, her breathing slowly steadied. It was then that her phone rang. On the other side was Callen, worriedly asking how Deeks was. She repeated to him the doctor's prognosis. The team leader mentioned that NCIS had Benson's blackbook and the lawyer was apprehended along with the men from the party. The man who shot Deeks died on the scene from Sam's bullet. Kensi discerned that the second shot she heard during the altercation was from Sam. Callen also told her that the team will visit them tomorrow morning. Their call ended with him wishing Deeks a fast recovery and her thanking him.

Kensi heard footsteps walking near her but she didn't bother knowing who they were. She had not moved from her seat and kept her gaze on the white wall.

"Kensi,"

She turned and saw her parents standing a few steps from her. "M-Mom! Dad!" She almost flew towards them.

Donald and Julia had their arms opened and welcomed their daughter.

Kensi broke down in tears in her parents' embrace. "D-Deeks," She began, her body trembled in despair. She was crying the way she did 15 years ago and her parents exchanged worried looks. "H-He saved me. He almost died saving me. I almost killed him...It happened again. He got hurt because of me. He's going to blame me again because I'm a failure. He's going to leave me again...I can't lose him... I can't lose him..."

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you for your reviews/favorites/follows. I think we're nearing the end of this journey so please stand by me as I finish this story. Thank you.


	17. Chapter 17

18 days. 432 hours.

He let out a sigh as he placed the paper he was perusing atop his desk. Deeks' gaze automatically drifted to a picture of a beaming dark haired beauty in a frame at the corner of his table and a smile spread across his face. It had already been more than two weeks since he last saw her. He had not heard any news about her since then which he would like to take as a good one because it meant that she was alright and was only unavailable because of her mission.

His mind flew to the morning Kensi proposed. Deeks was too stunned at what she just did that he didn't get to answer her, tell her that 'Yes! He'll marry her!'. Nothing will make him happy than to walk down the aisle with her, be his husband, declare to the whole world that she is his wife, close his eyes every night with a smile on his lips knowing that when he wakes up tomorrow morning she will be in his arms and spend the rest of his life with her.

He was too preoccupied in his thoughts that he didn't hear a knock on his door, it opening and Sydney walking in.

"Marty,"

Deeks blinked twice before focusing his eyes on the redhead standing in front of him, a curious smirk on her lips. He cleared his throat. "Hey,"

"This is the Lombard's Contract I just reviewed." She answered, handing him a folder.

"Thanks." He opened the folder and glanced at its contents.

Instead of leaving, he saw Sydney sat on one of the chairs in front of his desk and gawked at him curiously.

"What?" He asked.

"What's going on? You said Kensi is away on assignment but I didn't see you brooding and that's a first. Even Rey has noticed your merriment." She stated in her best attempt to act nonchalant.

"I don't know what you are talking about." He tried to act confused at her words but knew what she meant.

Realizing how obvious he must have been these past few days, he struggled to keep his emotions all to himself. Deeks opted not to disclose anything to anyone not until Kensi's return. He wanted everything to be official first before telling the world that they were engaged. But it seemed that the delight he was currently feeling had been undeniable for those everyone around him. 'Who can blame him?' He asked himself. It was not everyday that your girlfriend did ask you to marry her. And for someone like Kensi, that would be next to impossible. But she did. He could still see her face, beaming with happiness when she did ask him, declaring that she was ready to be his wife.

Before he could suppress himself, he grinned and it didn't go unnoticed to his friend's watchful eyes.

"That's what I am talking about. What is it?"

Deeks shook his head sadly. He didn't want to disappoint her but he couldn't just disclose it to her yet. "I'll tell you as soon as I can, Syd. But I can't right now."

Sydney seemed to notice his discomfort and acquiesced. "Okay. I'll wait for you tell me then." Standing up, her face turned serious. "But whatever it is, I am glad for you. I know you might think that after everything that happened between us, I will not want your happiness. But I do, Marty. We have been good friends first. And if that's what we're just going to be, I will be okay with it. You, of all people, deserve to be happy. You and Kensi are meant to be. Regardless of time or place or any situation, you are destined to be together."

Deeks was speechless at her words. Feeling grateful to have found such a good friend in her, he stood up, crossed his desk and hugged her. "Thank you, Sydney."

"Hey, don't go all crying on me now. I don't want my escort to be puffy tonight." She muttered chuckling as she removed herself from his embrace. Seeing how he looked dumbfounded at her statement, she rolled her eyes. "It's Atty. Jackson's anniversary party, remember? I had Terry give you your invitation a month ago. The party's going to be at their office building."

Understanding dawned on him. Atty. Edmund Jackson was DMV's newest company lawyer. Of course as one of his clients, they were invited.

"I'll pick you up in your place at 7." He said.

* * *

With Sydney's hand on his arm, the partners strode inside the building. The party was about to begin, Deeks noted.

"There's Atty. Jackson." The redhead uttered, pointing to their lawyer. "Let's go greet him."

His gaze followed his friend's finger and saw the middle aged man in conversation with two people. They walked towards him.

"Good evening." He greeted and watched as the laywer's face lit up.

"Mr. Deeks, Ms. Marshall I'm glad you made it." Atty. Jackson welcomed them.

"We're glad to be here, Atty. Jackson. Happy Anniversary." Sydney said.

"Let me introduce you to Atty. Wesley Benson, the Benson to our Jackson and Benson and his assistant, Ms. Emma Romeo. Mr. Martin Deeks and Ms. Sydney Marshall owners of DMV Technologies, my newest client." The lawyer introduced them to his companions.

By the look on Benson's face, it took Deeks no time to notice that he was drunk. The woman in purple dress who had her back on them slowly turned and he stiffened. He felt Sydney's hand on his arm tightened at the same time. Standing in front of them was the person he couldn't stop thinking about, Kensi. But she was introduced as Emma Romeo, assistant of the drunk Atty. Benson. Deeks saw her looked at them warily and he realized that she was undercover.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Deeks, Ms. Marshall." Benson greeted them.

He reluctantly drifted his eyes from Kensi to return the man's acknowledgement. "Same here, Atty. Benson."

When he saw Benson's hand on his girlfriend's back as he introduced her to them, he restrained himself from pulling Kensi towards him and not punch the man's face. "Nice to meet you, Emma." He said, outstretching his hand.

"Nice to meet you too, Mr. Deeks." He watched as she moved, subtly removing her boss' hand on her to take his.

Deeks was grateful that Sydney copied his action and did the same.

"Okay, we're needed on the stage Edmund." Benson uttered. "Wait for me here, Emma. I want my first dance to be with you."

The two lawyers left Kensi, Deeks and Sydney to go up on the stage and give their speeches.

"He's drunk." Deeks heard Kensi whispered. "Celebrated too early." She added.

"Yeah, we can smell him from the outside." He said with obvious disgust.

"D-Do we need to stay?" The redhead asked almost nervously, eyes roaming around.

"Got it." Kensi mumbled. She turned to them. "It'll be best if you leave. It's dangerous to be here." Before he could ask questions, she added in an almost plea. "Please Deeks, get Sydney out of here."

He could only watch Kensi turned her back from them, hurriedly strode through the crowd and disappearing before his eyes. "Let's go." Deeks said to his friend as he guide her towards the exit.

Leaving the inside, he called Mike, who drove them and was waiting somewhere outside, from his cellphone and waited agitatedly for his driver to arrive. Mike came and Sydney hurriedly climbed inside his car. "Drive her home, Mike."

The driver nodded while Sydney's eyes widened, realizing what he was about to do. "Marty?!"

"I'll be fine." He reassured her before turning away and running back inside the building. Deeks knew he'll be a little help to Kensi. He wasn't trained like her and only knew a little of self defense. But he couldn't let her be in danger. No, he'll protect her.

As soon as he stepped inside, he felt a hand gripping his neck tightly. "I knew you'll be back for her."

Deeks was dragged towards the elevator. Inside, he tried to fight the man to free himself but since the man was strong and large, all that he achieved was hits on his forehead and lips. The man seemed to lost his patience and placed the barrel of his gun on his temple to quiet him. They exited when the elevator reached the 4th floor.

"Call her." The man whispered when they entered an office and saw Kensi with her back on them.

"Kensi,"

She immediately whirled around when she heard his voice. He saw her surprise at what she was seeing.

"Give me the book." The man demanded in serious tone. When she didn't move, "The book, Agent Blye. I don't like repeating myself the third time."

Slowly with her eyes trained on the bad guy, Deeks watched as she took the book out and lifted it. "I'm not giving this to you not unless you set him free first."

"You don't have the power to demand anything, Agent Blye." The man said. "Throw the book there and I'll set Mr. Loverboy here free."

Kensi followed the man's words and threw the book on the table on the side.

Deeks felt a strong force hitting him on his nape as he stumbled down on floor. A groan escaped his lips from the pain. He heard a shot.

"Stay where you are." The man said.

"You know you're not getting away with this right?" Deeks heard Kensi daunted the man. "In three minutes, officers will be surrounding this place. Tell me, how are you going to escape?"

"Shut up!" The man yelled.

Deeks tried to catch his breath as the pain at the back of his neck intensified. Still lying on the ground, he looked at Kensi who noticed him moved. He gave her a nod, wanting to tell her that he could hit the man on his knee while she take the gun. She shook her head no adamantly.

Deeks saw the man noted their exchange. He immediately elbowed him on the knee while Kensi attempted to take the gun from him. Scuffle happened. Deeks felt himself got thrown on the wall and saw Kensi as she was shoved to the floor.

His eyes widened when he watched as the man pulled himself together and pointed the gun in his hand towards Kensi.

"No!" He shouted and threw himself on her just as the first shot was heard followed instantly by a second shot.

"W-Wha-?" Kensi tried to ask while gasping for breath.

"A-Are you alright?" He asked softly, ignoring the pain that began creeping in him. He wanted to make sure that she wasn't hurt, that he did protect her.

"D-Deeks?" She struggled to move but his weight was restricting her. "D-Deeks?"

Deeks felt himself succumbed to unconsciousness. His eyes drifted close as he heard Kensi's worried voice. "D-Deeks..."

* * *

He opened his eyes and immediately caught her sitting on the chair beside his bed while staring off into space. She was looking at something yet at nothing at the same time. That had been her state for two weeks now, since he had awaken after his operation.

When he woke up the first time after being shot, he found himself in an unfamiliar room. He roamed his eyes around in panic trying to locate where Kensi was. A nurse was instantly on his side, she was mumbling something he couldn't quite understand. He wanted to ask where his girlfriend was but there was something blocking him from speaking clearly. Frustrated, he removed his oxygen mask despite the nurse's protest.

 _"K-Kensi?" His voice was hoarse from hours of non-talking._

 _A doctor, he assumed, arrived shortly and carefully explained his condition to him._

 _"Where's Kensi?" Deeks asked after hearing the older man._

 _"I understand she's the beautiful dark haired woman who came with you?" Dr. Bailey, his doctor, gently questioned._

 _'Came with me? Was she shot too? Where is she?' He asked himself rapidly. His mind went from zero to a hundred just by the mere mention of Kensi coming with him. His heart rate increased drastically in alarm._

 _"Relax Mr. Deeks. Ms. Kensi is fine. She is alright. She is outside waiting for you to wake up." Dr. Bailey immediately pacified his horrid thoughts. "Do you want me to call her?"_

 _Deeks closed his eyes and took several deep breaths before nodding._

He clearly remembered the look of distress on Kensi's face when she entered the ICU to see him. Her eyes were swollen and red from hours of obvious crying. Guilt and shame were written all over her face as she paced towards him.

 _"I-I'm sorry." She whispered as soon as she was near his bedside._

 _More than the pain of his wound, Deeks ached for the woman who couldn't even look him in the eyes. She sounded broken and somber and if he could he would pull her in his arms and wipe away her tears. He reached out a hand to grab one of hers. "Please do not blame yourself, Kensi. I did what I did because I love you. I wanted to protect you."_

 _She shook her head. "It's my job to protect you, Deeks. I... I'm sorry that I failed."_

 _His grip on her tightened, discerning exactly where_ _their conversation would lead. He had to stop her before it get worse. "Kensi, listen to me. You didn't fail. No, you did your job well. I know you hated the fact that I was hurt but I assure you that this isn't your fault. You're not the one who shot me, it was the bad guy. So don't blame yourself."_

When she didn't react, Deeks thought that he had made himself clear to her. He would never blame her. That was the last thing he would ever do. But as days passed by, he noticed the change in her.

She took an emergency leave from her work for a week and stayed by his side. Kensi was there when he was transferred to a private room after an overnight stay at the ICU. She was there when Sydney, Ray, Mike, some of his employees, her parents and her team visited him. She never left his side and made sure that the wound on his back was healing successfully. When her leave ended and she had to report back to her job, that was the only time she wasn't with him. Kensi still spend the nights in his hospital room. Despite sleeping uncomfortably on a cot for two weeks now, he never heard her complain. He had told her many times that she didn't need to be there. He even urged her to go home in order for her to sleep restfully in her bed and just drop by the next morning before she goes to work. But she was adamant on staying by his side whenever possible.

Deeks should feel grateful that she was there for him and that she was spending time to take care of him. But an unsettling feeling began creeping in him when he had caught her seeming lost in her thoughts several times already. She was acting fine whenever she knew he was looking. But if she assumed that he wasn't, her blank eyes would stare off into space.

"Kensi,"

Startled, she turned her face to look at him. "You're awake. D-Do you need anything?"

He shook his head no. When he moved to rouse from his position, she was quick to help him sit up and rest his back on the headboard. "Thanks. I'm fine." Deeks subtly studied her face. She looked tired and there were dark circles under her eyes. _'Hasn't she been sleeping well?'_ He asked himself. Catching the cot a few steps from him with his gaze, he got his answer. If only she would listen to him, he quietly mumbled. But Kensi was stubborn and would insist on doing what she wanted. "How was your day?"

"It was alright. We solved a case, caught the suspect. How about you?"

He tried to hide his disappointment with a small smile. Their conversation had turned habitual. He would ask how her day was, she would answer with simple words, not really sharing anything deep with him. She then would ask back the same question. He couldn't help but noticed that it seemed an invisible wall had erected between them after he was shot. Deeks couldn't shake off the fright he was beginning to feel. He was afraid for Kensi, for the effect of him saving her life had brought her. He didn't want to admit but he was also scared for them, for their future.

"The doctor said I might be released next week with how the rate my wound is healing." He answered, deciding to share to her what Dr. Bailey discussed with him that day.

Her face brightened instantly at his statement. Taking his hands, she smiled. "That's great news, Deeks."

Silence filled them.

Kensi dropped her head and chose to look at her hands that were holding his. Deeks' gaze was penetrating and the emotions he was showing her scared her.

"Kensi,"

"Deeks,"

They called each other's name at the same time that stunned them both. She lifted her head and their gazes were locked on each other. Kensi felt his hand lifting hers against his lips.

"I love you, Kensi. Don't walk away from me, from us." He whispered softly after giving the back of her palm a light kiss.

Tears filled her eyes at his words. She very well knew what he was talking about. Kensi wanted to correct him, tell him that he was wrong. She could say that his worry was pointless and he was just imagining things. But he was right.

It had already been two weeks since he risked his life in saving her. 14 days since he almost died because of her. 336 hours since she started loathing herself for failing again. She tried not blaming herself like he wanted her to do. His statements that he did what he did because he loved her had been repeatedly playing in her mind, doing its best to console her in her misery. But no matter how much she wanted to listen to him, no matter how many times her parents tell her that Deeks loves her and won't leave her because of what happened, Kensi couldn't help but punish herself.

 _'How many people has to die or get hurt just so she could live? Does Roberta's death not enough for her to realize that she is a failure and will always be a failure? It's her job to protect people but why does when it comes to protecting the person she loves the most, she's a disappointment?'_ Those had been her questions since she saw Deeks' unconscious body on the floor bleeding to death.

She loves him, will always love him. But right now, all she could think of was the day that he would realize that all she brings in his life are hurt and grief. Kensi was sure that he loves her. His words, his actions, everything he does tells her how much. But until when? Until he finally had enough of jeopardizing his life to save her? Until he finally grasped the possibility that just like his mother, he, too, would end up dead because of her?

It's breaking her heart but Kensi knew that starting to distance herself from him was the best for the both of them. Deeks would eventually realize that she was no good for him and would give up on them. He would say again that she should forget him the same way he did in the past. And if that time comes, she will not ask him to teach her because she knows she will never learn. She will agree with him instead and pretend that she will forget him. But deep in her heart, there was no way she could.

She tried to blink back the tears that filled her eyes but was failing miserably. "I'm sorry, I need to go." Kensi stood up, removed her hand from his grip and left the room in a haste and without looking back. She didn't see Deeks' gaze following her sadly.

* * *

Author's Note: I know some of you might question Kensi's actions with Deeks after saving her life. But I'd like to point out that she has suffered from depression in the past with Roberta's death and Deeks' leaving. Emotionally, she is a wreck. She is afraid of Deeks giving up on her once again that she did what she thought would make her survive from eventual heartbreak.

Of course this is going to be a happy ending.

For the guest who pointed out my wrong use of the word curtsy, thank you. :)

English is not my native language which you can tell by the abundant grammar mistakes in my stories. Please forgive me and hopefully you are still able to enjoy reading my works despite my errors. I'm hoping to have this beta'd after it is completed.

Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you.


	18. Chapter 18

"Agent Blye,"

She almost jumped startled at Hetty's voice. Kensi had been sitting immobile on her desk for quite some time now thinking she was alone and everybody had gone home to their respective families or opted to go in a karaoke bar and enjoy the night like her teammates did. She, of course, was invited but she declined giving them an excuse that they accepted with no further questions, much to her relief.

Kensi turned her head and saw the older woman standing a few steps from her desk. "H-Hetty,"

Hetty glanced at her wristwatch and frowned when she saw the time. "It's already 9 in the evening, what are you still doing here? Everyone else has already left."

"I'm just finishing my report." She answered and silently prayed that the woman, who was eyeing her inscrutably, didn't catch on her lie. But as her boss took a step closer to her with raised eyebrows, Kensi sighed, her hope faded away. Of course she would know that her agent was lying right to her face. She wouldn't be Hetty if she didn't see the truth in her answer. "I don't want to leave yet."

The older woman stopped in front of her table and smiled an understanding smile. "Shouldn't you be with Mr. Deeks right now?"

The mention of his name brought a pain in her chest. She couldn't admit to the enquiring woman that he was the reason she didn't want to leave the office yet.

Last night when she walked out of the room, Kensi found herself in the small hospital chapel sitting on one of the pews, clutching her necklace and in tears. She cried. Her heart was breaking and she knew that it was her fault. Deeks asked her to not walk away from him but she just did. She left him when he was helpless and in no capacity to follow her.

When she came back in his room after her tears ran dry, she was surprised to see him still in the same position she left him before. His eyes never left her as she sat back on the chair beside his bed.

 _"I'm sorry I stormed out."_

 _He let out an exhale. "Are you alright?"_

 _Hesitantly, she shook her head no._

 _"What do I have to do to make you okay, Kensi?"_

 _Again, she shook her head no._

 _"Talk to me. Tell me how to make everything right between us again?" He stopped and waited for her to respond. When she didn't answer, he continued. "Do you want me to go back in time and do nothing? Just watch you get shot? Is that what will make us okay? If that's what I did instead of saving you, do you think you'll be fine with it? How about me? Do you think I'll be okay? Do you think that seeing you get hurt or almost die will make me feel great?"_

 _"I don't need you to save me! I don't need you to risk your life in exchange for mine!" Both startled at her snap, they stared at each other. Blue eyes locked on hazel ones. She looked down, unable to meet his gaze. Kensi knew her words were wrong but it was too late for her to apologize now. She had already said them. Deeks had already heard them._

 _"You're probably right." He smiled sadly. "Maybe you don't need me taking the bullet for you. But I do, Kensi. I do need you alive, well and unhurt. Why? Because I need you in my life. I need you with me, by my side. You are my everything, can't you see? All that I have are meaningless if you're gone. I'm sorry if you think that you don't deserve what I did for you. I'm sorry if I was selfish and took the shot that was meant for you. I'm sorry that all I want is not to lose you."_

 _Kensi remained silent and didn't react over his words. When Deeks saw she was unresponsive, another exhale was let out as he laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. She watched him as he slept, doing her best to restrain herself from combing his hair with her fingers, a habit she had formed since they started sleeping on the same bed. Another half an hour had passed before tiredness drew her towards the cot. She rested her body and let herself drift to slumber._

 _"I love you, Deeks." She whispered sleepily. Her voice was barely a whisper._

 _She was almost asleep that she wasn't sure but she thought she heard him replied to her. "_ _I love you, Kensi."_

Morning came and Kensi left him still sleeping to go to work. It was a good thing that they weren't able to talk, she discerned. After hearing his words last night, she didn't know what to say to him. She understood his reasons but a part of her, the part that was broken when Roberta died, prevented her from accepting them.

Kensi focused her energy and attention on today's case. But now that the day was almost over and it was time for her to leave the office, she didn't have the guts to face Deeks. She stayed on her desk for hours, hoping that when she decided to leave and finally see him, he was already sound asleep. But she didn't anticipate her boss staying in OSP this late and catching her.

When Hetty noticed her silence, she walked slowly towards Callen's desk that was just beside hers and sat on his chair. She turned to her and studied her quietly.

Uncomfortable with the quietness, Kensi decided to open her mouth to speak. But before she could do, the older woman beat her to it.

"Can I tell you a tale, Kensi?"

Wondering, Kensi cleared her throat before answering her. "S-Sure." She was surprised that Hetty called her by her given name. That never happened before. She was always called Agent Blye or Miss Blye by her boss.

Hetty glued her eyes on her and began. "There was once a young man and a young woman who fell in love with each other. But they were forbidden to marry so they ran away up into the mountain. Now the goddess of the land took pity on them. She changed the young man into a giant cactus and took the young woman's spirit and put it into the plant. Occasionally, the young woman emerges to enjoy the view in the form of a cactus flower." Hetty narrated, speaking the words clearly.

"Protected and together for eternity." She commented. Her mind automatically shifted to her and Deeks' love story. How they tried to beat the odds years ago and failed. Unlike the young man and woman in the story, there was no goddess who took pity on them. Instead, it took more than a decade for them to find each other the second time. They were together again now but it seemed fate wasn't finished with them yet and Kensi was losing hope that they would ever succeed.

"Yes." The older woman gently nodded. "Not everyone is given a second chance, Kensi. Not everyone deserves a second chance. But for those who do, they are the luckiest like the young lovers in my story. Their second chance came when they are turned into a plant. After everything, they became inseparable. They are together again, spending eternity with each other. "

"H-Hetty,"

"I understand how hard it must have been for you to see Marty on the ground, hurt and nearly dying. It brought back unpleasant memories from the past you would rather forget. The trauma you have suffered when his mother had died the same way is despicable. Nobody deserves to go through that horrible experience, especially not someone as young as you were." The older woman uttered carefully. "But you have grown to be one of the strongest women I know, Kensi. You have become a fighter. The lessons you have learned in the past made you who you are right now."

Kensi could only stare at her boss with wide eyes. She was speechless. She didn't think Hetty knew that much about her past. She was aware that NCIS did background check on her before she was hired since it was in their protocol. But she didn't realize how detailed and deep they did go into her history. All this time, the older woman knew who Deeks was in her life and how important he had been to her.

"And you are one of the luckiest, my dear. You and Marty have been given a second chance. Be grateful for it, appreciate it and do not waste it." Reaching out, Hetty patted the younger woman's hand gently.

Kensi's eyes watered. Yes, her boss was right. She was lucky she had been given a second chance to be with Deeks when she thought that even seeing him again would be impossible. _'But why is everything for them has to be this hard? Why can't they be together and live without complications like everyone else? Haven't they suffered enough in the past? Is it payback? For what? What terrible mistakes did they commit that the punishment has always been cruel?'_

Hetty smiled. "Sometimes, life can be unfair. There are moments that we have to work so hard to achieve what we want. We take one step forward but fate will make us take two steps back. We may even think that it will be best to just surrender and give up in our dream. But before you decide to raise the white flag or throw in the towel, pause for a little while and look at the person who is beside you, fighting for that coveted dream with you. Take time to study him. See for yourself how he is defying the odds and facing the battles just to be with you."

* * *

 _"...look at the person who is beside you, fighting for that coveted dream with you. Take time to study him. See for yourself how he is defying the odds and facing the battles just to be with you."_

Her fingers were running through his hair, gently caressing its strands. His blonde hair had always been smooth and soft and she sometimes found herself jealous of it. Her eyes drifted to his forehead. Gone was the bruised that had marred his face after the incident. She then glanced at his lips. The cut that once was there had disappeared too. Except for the wound on his back, there was no longer a trace what Deeks had suffered.

Kensi watched as his eyes slowly opened. "Hi." She removed her hand from his soft tress and greeted him with a smile.

"Hello."

She sensed his awkwardness in his voice and she couldn't blame him. The way they left things last night had been tensed and this was the first time today that they had seen and spoke with each other again.

Deeks sat up on his bed and subtly watched her. Waking up that morning and finding her already gone for work saddened him. He tried to be understanding, knowing how his almost death brought back the nightmares of the tragic past they fought so hard to get over with. He made a promise not to give up on her and on them and he knew he would do everything to keep his words.

Losing her the second time was not in the equation, not after he got her back again and not after he got a taste of what life with her would be like. No, he won't give up. He would fight everyone who would take her away from him even if he had to fight her himself. Kensi loved him, he was sure of that. But after everything she had been through, he understood her hesitation. He would make her realize that she didn't have to face everything alone because he was here to stay. No matter what, he will not leave her again.

"Did I wake you up?" Kensi asked.

He shook his head no. "I've had enough sleep to last me a whole year. I can't wait to leave this place. How was your day?"

"Another successful case. I'm sorry I was late, I didn't realize how much time I spent in finishing my report." She decided to stick on her lie, discerning that telling him that she was avoiding him would hurt him more. "Are you already working?" She asked, glancing at the pile of folders on his bedside table.

"Yeah. I've been gone for weeks, I have to check on the company. Sydney brought them here a while ago."

Kensi gave a nod but didn't speak.

Moments had passed in silence.

"Kensi,"

"Deeks,"

Surprised that it seemed like they just repeated a scenario from last night, they both surprisingly burst out in laughters that went on for a moment.

Kensi was wiping the tears that escaped her eyes from laughing too hard when she caught him gazing at her. His baby blues were glued to her, looking at her with longing. "Deeks," She started, taking in a few deep breaths before continuing. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. There is no way my apologies will be enough after the way I treated you. I know I loved you years ago. I know that I loved you so much that it broke me when we parted. But this feeling that I have for you in the present... the intensity of it, it scares me Deeks because I never thought of the possibility that I'm in love with you more, more than I could express or explain, more than the way I loved you before."

She took his hands with hers. "I love you so much, Deeks. And just the thought of l-losing you again frightened me." Shaking her head, she blinked back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. "I don't want to live my life without you. I don't know if I'll survive if I lose you again."

Using his hands in her grip, Deeks pulled her and brought her closer to him. Kensi wordlessly let him drag her towards the bed. Mindful of his healing wound, they looked for a comfortable position. They laid sideways together, facing each other with only inches apart between them. Their gazes locked on with each other, both pairs were swimming with emotions.

He reached out a hand, a finger lightly stroke Kensi's cheek, tracing its contour. "You're not going to lose me." Deeks whispered. "No amount of force would make me leave you willingly. And if someone would dare take me away for you, know that I'll fight with all my power to find my way back to you. I love you Kensi."

Seeing him leaned his head towards her, Kensi closed her eyes and met his lips halfway.

They spent the night together on the bed with their arms wrapped around each other. For the first time in two weeks, they had a peaceful sleep.

* * *

Deeks was restless. He spent the entire morning reviewing a proposal for one of DMV's clients in Japan but he couldn't understand any of the words printed on it because his mind kept thinking what he deemed important more than anything. Frustrated, he threw the papers on the coffee table at the center of his living room and stood up. He paced around the room, inhaling and exhaling. Raking his fingers through his hair, he shouted. "Ahhhh!"

Mike, his driver/bodyguard, who he was aware was reading a newspaper in the kitchen ran towards him in worry. "Sir?"

"It's nothing." He answered grumpily and did not even bother to look at the older man. He let out a sigh and took his steps towards the stairs, leaving Mike alone pondering over the reason for his boss' sudden outburst.

He entered his bedroom and walked towards the painting that was hanging on the left side of the room. Removing the painting, a secret vault was exposed. After he typed in his password, the safe opened. A smile spread across his face when he saw a small black velvet box sitting at the center. He grabbed it, closed the vault and put the painting back on its original place.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he opened the box in his hand and Kensi's engagement ring came into view. Deeks held the platinum band with his fingers and gazed at it. The diamond was sparkling beautifully, he noted. His smile disappeared when he thought of the cause of his annoyance.

It had been 3 days since he was discharged from the hospital. Dr. Bailey cleared him without further difficulties but he was asked to return and see the good doctor after a week for his consultation. Deeks agreed to follow everything what the older man would say just so he could go home. He was getting sick of the hospital after staying there for almost 4 weeks. Despite his protests, Kensi took a day off to assist him in his release. Together with Mike, she overlook everything and had prepared all he would need while recuperating. She had also been sleeping and waking up with him in his house, only checking on her apartment once since his return.

Things had been smooth between him and Kensi again. They went back to what they once were before she left for her mission and it made him happy. The shadows on both of their faces had disappeared. Their eyes were shining brightly again. He wanted to be content and enjoy his time with her.

But as days passed by, he became frustrated. He had been waiting since he woke up in the hospital almost a month ago but it never happened. Kensi's proposal wasn't brought up, not even once in their series of talks. Deeks didn't know if he was supposed to initiate it. He would but as he mulled over the recent events, a knot grew in him and made him afraid of the result if ever he did.

 _'What if she has changed her mind and she realized that she made a mistake?_ _What if she only did it out of spur of the moment and is now regretting it?'_ He thought sadly. Kensi was stubborn, he had known it even before. She might be regretting her proposal but Deeks knew she wouldn't retract her words. And that thought upset him.

He loved Kensi but he wouldn't force her to do something she didn't want. If her proposing to him almost a month ago was a mistake for her, he would be disheartened but he was willing to wait until she was ready.

Sighing, Deeks put the ring back in its case and placed it in his pocket.

* * *

Kensi took a doughnut from the box and went back on her chair. Oblivious to the stares of her teammates, she bit the sweet dough heartily and even closed her eyes to revel on the taste. "Hmmm..." She moaned as she chewed.

Callen faked a cough that caught her attention.

Turning to the man sitting next to her, she opened her eyes and asked. "What?"

The team leader, with an eyebrow raised, turned to the man across from them who had a corner of his lips raised in a smirk. "Should I tell her?" Callen asked.

Her eyes shifted from Callen to Sam who just shrugged his shoulders in response to his partner's question.

"What is it?" She asked again.

"Shouldn't you be happy that Mr. Deeks was already discharged?" Callen inquired.

Thinking how absurd his question was, she replied defensively. "Of course I am. What makes you think that I am not?"

"That has been your third doughnut, Kensi." Sam quipped. "You only eat that much amount of sugar when you're upset. What's going on?"

Kensi darted her eyes between the two. Realizing how much they really knew her, she brought the half-eaten pastry down on her desk and sighed. "I asked Deeks to marry me." Her head was down that she didn't see her teammates exchanged amused looks with each other.

When she raised her gaze, she was frowning. "It happened the morning I left to be Benson's assistant. I already know that he wants to propose, he's been giving me the hint. I haven't had the chance to know his answer because I was in a hurry to leave. Then he was hospitalized and things between us has been tensed."

Without realizing that she was babbling, she continued. "But now that we're okay, I am kind of hoping to hear his reply. I'm thinking that maybe he got offended that I proposed to him. I know it's a man's job to ask the woman to marry him. But we're already in the 21st century. And I came across this Friends episode once where Monica proposed to Chandler and I found it cute. I didn't see anything wrong with what I did but what if it turned him off?" Kensi's eyes widened much to the hilarity of the two men who had been listening to her prattled.

"What if all this time his answer is no and he just couldn't tell me? Deeks is a gentleman. He will never refuse a woman." Kensi's shoulder sagged. "He might answer me with a yes but how would I know if that is what really is in his heart?"

Callen and Sam tried to stifle their chuckles but they found her too funny that their restrain failed and they laughed.

"You two are horrible! You're making fun at me?!" Glaring at them angrily, she exclaimed.

Sam, grateful for his training as a Navy Seal, was the first one to recover. "We're not making fun of you, Kensi."

"Then what's with the laughter?" She interrogated.

"Have you seen how Mr. Deeks looks at you?" Callen asked. "The man adores you, Kens."

"And we found it ludicrous that you thought he would say no." Sam interjected.

Studying their faces, all her doubts disappeared. "But why doesn't he say yes?"

* * *

Author's Note: All your thoughts are highly appreciated. Thank you all.


	19. Chapter 19

Author's Note: Thank you for reading.

In Chapter 17, I already mentioned that English is not my native language and this story hasn't been beta'd yet. All mistakes are mine and I am apologizing for it. I'm excited to update and have my fellow readers read it. I am hoping to have this beta'd after it is finished. If you find this story already running in circles, I am sorry. I am not actually a writer and this is just my hobby. I find Kensi and Deeks adorable and got inspired by their love story. I am doing this as a passion and I know it is far from perfect. I just want to share with you my work and hopefully learn a thing or two from your reviews. Please understand that I am still learning as I am writing. Do not worry, I think this will be the last chapter. Maybe I'll upload an epilogue soon. Thank you.

* * *

Quietly, he placed the bouquet of flowers in his hands on the ground, arranging it carefully. He removed some of the dead leaves that was covering the tombstone until he saw what he wanted to see. _Gordon Brandel._ The name printed on the marker said.

 _'Dad,'_ Deeks called from his mind. He was finding it difficult to address the man, who had caused him so much pain, by his role in his life. There was once a time when he was younger that he felt it would be better to grow up without a father than have Gordon as his. The man was terrible to both him and his mother. He hit them, abused them and cursed at them. He was alcoholic and an addict. He committed crimes to innocent people.

When his godfather helped him and Roberta escaped from Gordon and transferred them to San Diego, he hoped that everything would be over and that they could start anew. He was aware of the possibility of his father showing up again but his young mind wished for the opposite. Then he met Kensi and for a moment he longed to have a different past. A past where there was no chance of his father looking for them. A past where Gordon was nonexistent in his life.

He was happy. With how things had been going on in his life, Deeks finally knew the meaning of the word content. He was doing good in school and was about to pursue his dream course after graduation, Roberta had already made a life for the both of them without pain and suffering and the most important event happened. Kensi became his girlfriend.

Having her in his life brought him joy and hope. He started dreaming of a future with her. He'll study hard, graduate, work hard and give her the best life he could provide. He will never be like his father. He will never hurt her. No, he will love her and cherish her. Deeks promised himself to be the best husband to Kensi and father to their future children. He will never be another Gordon Brandel.

But when his father showed up again, Deeks' dreams were shattered. He suddenly found himself without a mother. He lost Kensi. He became alone. Gordon not only took Roberta's life, he also took Kensi away from him.

And he hated the older man more than he did in the past.

* * *

 _A police car stopped on the side of the road. Sitting silently at the back of the vehicle, his eyes caught a scene several steps away from him. There were police officers talking to each other. An ambulance was parked with medical officers quickly exiting and pacing towards a turned over car. He tried to see more but the view was limited from where he was. He wanted to climbed out but Deeks didn't know if he was supposed to._

 _The door on his right was opened. "Mr. Deeks," The policeman who drove him there called him. "will you come with me?" The older man carefully asked._

 _18 year old Deeks nodded, exited the car and wordlessly followed him. They strode towards the commotion. He watched as the men in uniform paused in what they were doing to glance at him._

 _He saw a body on the ground. And his breath was caught in his chest when he recognized who it belonged to. Deeks knew that he was dead. Gordon was not moving. His blonde hair was covered in blood. There was a large gash on his forehead and his eyes were closed. Staring numbly at his still body and its bruises, he guessed that his father had also suffered from several broken bones._

 _"He beat a red light and was chased. He tried avoiding the police and even tried shooting them several times. When he rounded a corner, he seemed to lost control of the wheel and tripped over. According to the medics, he died instantly." A policeman gently reported. "When we ran a facial recognition on him, he was identified as Gordon Brandel."_

 _"Y-Yes, that's him." Deeks uttered, his eyes glued on his father._

 _There were no tears that fell down from his eyes, no sobs escaped his lips. He wanted to feel bad for him but after losing his mother yesterday because of him, he felt nothing. He wanted to feel relieved that Gordon wouldn't be able to hurt him or anybody again but he was numb. His father was dead. The man who killed his mother was dead. Justice had been served._

 _Gordon was laid the same day he died. Deeks didn't waste time and buried his father. A mass was held with just him in attendance. He didn't cry. He couldn't cry. His tears were meant to those who deserved them. And Gordon, the person who brought him so much pain, didn't deserve it, not even a single tear from him._

 _After making sure that everything was done, Deeks walked away with an intention of never coming back again._

* * *

Here he was, 15 years later, staring on his gravestone. Deeks didn't know why he drove himself there but as he was looking at Kensi's engagement ring, there was a yearning inside of him he couldn't identify. He dismissed Mike and told him to go home and spend the rest of the day with his family. Dumbfounded at his gesture and concerned for his well-being, his loyal driver/bodyguard was hesitant but acquiesced.

After Mike left his home, Deeks climbed in his car and drove away. It was still early and he knew Kensi won't be home until 7 in the evening. That gave him plenty of time to drive. He had no idea where he was going. All he wanted to do was enjoy the ride. Without a purpose, he journeyed the city. He ate lunch at his favorite restaurant and spent an hour at the beach, looking at the people around him quietly.

Deeks was about to go home when his sight caught a father and son happily playing on the sand. He watched as the older man grabbed his son by the arms and threw him in the air. Laughing, the child cheered. His father caught him successfully and they ran hand in hand towards the shore.

He imagined himself doing the same for his son or daughter with Kensi glaring at him and reprimanding him for putting their child in danger. Deeks was sure that she would punch him in the arm when their child wasn't looking. He would hug her and kiss her soundly that will melt her irritation at him.

He didn't know how but his thoughts shifted from his foreseeable future to his grim past. Gordon's face came in his mind. He tried recalling fond memories he had with him but Deeks couldn't remember any. When he was about to dismiss the thoughts about his father, a scene from his childhood entered in his recollection.

 _He was sitting on a swing in the neighborhood playground. His mother was busy chatting with her friends. All by himself, Deeks tried swaying back and forth but his small frame prevented him from doing so. Frustrated, tears started welling up in his eyes. He was about to cry when he felt himself wobbling. The swing started moving. A beam spread across his face instantly. He looked up and saw a pair of blue eyes staring at him with a smile._

 _'A hero?' His young mind guessed._

 _Watching a Justice League cartoon episode in their TV yesterday, his imagination made him think of meeting a hero. Deeks thought of a man who had the ability to rescue him when he was in trouble._

 _He recognized the hero, the man who saved him from crying and made the swing moved, as his father. Gordon was standing behind him holding the ropes with his hands and was gently swaying the swing._

 _"Dad?" He called him_ _._

 _He waited as his father moved to kneel in front of him. His hand reached out and combed his bangs. "Martin,"_

 _Deeks felt his father gazed at him. He returned it with his innocent eyes._

 _"You really look like me, do you know that? Your hair is the same as mine. Your blue eyes are like mine too. But you have your mother's smile and I'm happy that you do." Deeks felt his father's hands cupping his face. "When you grow up, don't be like me. Do not make the same mistakes I did. Understand?"_

 _Confused at Gordon's words, 5 year old Deeks could only nod. He didn't really understand what his father meant._

There was once a time in his young life that he considered Gordon his hero, Deeks recalled sadly. Standing up from his position he left the beach and found himself driving towards the place he never visited.

"I'm getting married." He started, his fingers were busy cleaning Gordon's marker of dried leaves. "Kensi. The girl you almost killed is going to be my wife. I'm going to marry her and I'm going to start a family with her. In some way, I followed your words. I am not like you and there's no way I am going to make the same mistakes. I am going to spend each waking day of my life loving her and spend my nights dreaming of her and thinking of ways to love her more. I am going to be there for her and for our children. There's no way they will experience what mom and I have suffered in your hands."

"Thank you. Thank you for bringing me into this world. And I forgive you." Deeks paused, discerning deep inside him if what he just uttered was the truth. Did he really forgive his father? "I do. I forgive you, d-dad. And I will pray for your soul. Wherever you are, I hope you already found the peace you were looking for."

He roused and turned his back. Deeks started walking away. This time, he subtly wiped a lone tear that fell on his face.

* * *

Kensi was pacing back and forth in the living room. Each second that passed without him, her anxiousness grew. She just ended the call with Mike who told him what Deeks did.

She came home that afternoon hoping to talk to her boyfriend. After talking to her teammates, she felt confident that Deeks would answer her proposal with a yes. If she had to, she would ask him again to marry her. And tonight she was planning on doing just that. Kensi thought of preparing his favorite lasagna but with the limited time she had, she couldn't do it. She resolved on inviting him for a dinner. Nothing special. Kensi knew that despite how successful he had become, Deeks never liked over the top things. And that was one of the traits that made her love him more.

But to her surprise, she arrived and he was nowhere to be found. She called his cellphone but he wasn't answering. Assuming that he visited DMV, she dialed Ray but their old friend had not seen Deeks in the building. Kensi began to wonder where he could be. She called Mike and was surprised that he wasn't with his boss. Mike told her that he came home early because Deeks had already dismissed him.

She began to worry when she couldn't get a hold of him. She wanted to ask Nell or Eric to trace his location through his cellphone but that would be a violation of one of the rules. Hetty was adamant that they must not use any of OSP's technologies for personal reason. And her tracking her missing boyfriend was clearly personal.

Determined to find Deeks, she grabbed her car key and handbag and proceeded to exit the house. When she looked at the garage, she saw a familiar car parking its way. Rushing towards the vehicle and seeing Deeks on the driver seat, Kensi let out a relief sigh.

"Where have you been?" She asked frantically as soon as Deeks emerged from the car. Kensi ran her eyes over his body, trying to see if there was something wrong with him. Seeing he looked fine, she turned to his face. She halted when she noticed a difference in him. She couldn't pinpoint it yet but she knew something had changed. He looked serene. Like he had made peace with something or someone. "Are you alright?" She softly inquired.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls, I was driving." He answered with a kiss on her lips.

"It's fine. But you had me worried, Deeks."

"I'm sorry." Deeks wrapped his arms around her body. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

He grabbed her hand and led her inside. "Get ready, we're going to dinner." He announced as soon as they were in the bedroom.

"Dinner?" Thinking of her plan, Kensi tried to open the topic. "If you want, we could go to this French restaurant near the beach. I've been there once. They have this rooms where couples could eat with privacy."

"Maybe we'll try it next time. I already prepared something special for the two of us." Oblivious to her intention, Deeks suggested.

Kensi watched as he rummaged through his cabinet finding clothes to wear.

"Okay." She acquiesced. Her plan on asking him at dinner was thrown in the window. She wasn't comfortable of proposing to him again in a place she wasn't familiar with. Kensi thought that there was no better time than ask him again right now. "I-I have something to talk to you about first.

"Can it wait later? We have to already be in our way. It's quite a long ride."

Kensi hid her disappointment with a smile. "Okay. Where are we going?"

* * *

"Are we there yet?" She asked, mildly annoyed at the situation.

After they got ready for their dinner, they climbed in the car with Deeks behind the wheel. But before he started the engine on, Kensi found herself blindfolded. She tried to remove it instantly but Deeks pleaded her not to.

 _"Please give me this night, Kensi. I will not be doing anything you do not want. I know you hate surprises but spare me some. I just want to make everything special tonight." He begged._

Still hesitant, she agreed. And now she was sitting restlessly on the passenger seat with her eyes covered in a handkerchief. Deeks had been driving her to God knows where for what she could assume was more than an hour now. Kensi lost track of the direction they were heading when they exited the freeway.

She heard his chuckle. "You're as impatient as ever."

"I can still hit you with my eyes covered, just so you know." She threatened.

Another chuckle from Deeks. "Did they train you for that?"

"No. I trained myself."

"No need to thrown in a punch, we're almost there."

5 minutes later, she felt the car stopped. She heard a door opening and assumed it was Deeks exiting.

Kensi lifted a hand to pull her blindfold away when she was stopped by his fingers.

"Don't remove it yet." Deeks said.

"I don't know why I am doing this."

"It's because you love me."

Kensi felt his hands on her arms, carefully guiding her as she climbed out of the vehicle. They began walking. "A little confident there, aren't we, Mr. Deeks?"

"Yes, I am."

Kensi noticed how quiet everything was. There was no sound of vehicles not even noises from people talking. It was like they were alone. They haven't entered a building yet. She could still feel the cold air of the night.

"I hate you." She mumbled.

"No, you don't hate me. You're an agent, I expected you to lie better than that."

Surprising Deeks, her hand flew and punched him on the arm. She smirked when she heard his hiss of pain. "I told you I could punch you with my eyes covered."

"I believed you the first time. There's no need to prove it to me."

"Oops, my bad." Her tone was far from apologetic. "I thought you asked for a proof. We should learn to communicate m-" She was cut by his lips pressing against hers. Their kiss lasted for a while until the need for air forced them to part.

"How's that for communication?" Deeks whispered, panting from the kiss.

Still catching her breath, she wasn't able to speak.

Slowly, Deeks removed Kensi's blindfold and watched silently as she blinked a couple of times before her eyes scanned the place. He held his breath when her eyes grew wide, recognizing where they were.

"D-Deeks..." Kensi could only uttered his name. She was still trying to get a hold of herself after the breathtaking kiss they shared when she felt her blindfold was being removed. When she had her focus back, her eyes widened to see where he did bring her.

 _'Their tree!'_ Her eyes automatically welled up seeing the now older tree. It was already dark but the hundreds of Christmas lights that were hanging on their tree provided them glow and enabled her to see everything.

She sighted a blanket spread on the ground. On it were a basket filled with food. Kensi saw a box of donuts, cronuts, and even her childhood favorite, Twinkies. Just like when they celebrated their first month 15 years ago, a cooler was also there with several drinks to choose from.

Tears began trailing down her cheeks. Kensi never dared to return to that place after her high school graduation. She couldn't. Remembering the times that she and Deeks spent together under their tree were too much for her. She was resolved to not step foot again on the place that held too many happy recollections for her. Wanting to preserve what was left of her memories with him, she buried the thought of seeing their tree again in her mind and did her best to forget its existence.

But now 15 years later, she was standing before it once more.

With tears in her eyes, she turned to her boyfriend. "D-Deeks..." More tears flowed down her face at what she was seeing.

Kneeling one-legged before her was Deeks with a ring in his hand and tears in his very own eyes. "To answer your question, Y-Yes. I will marry you, Kensi. And please answer mine. When I saw you for the first time sitting and crying under this tree, all I wanted was to wipe away your tears. I didn't even know your name but I didn't want to see you hurt. It was as if a part of me was aching for you. I didn't know that it was already love back then."

"When we started our relationship, I began dreaming of a future with you and I promised myself that I will do it here one day. I will ask you to be my wife in this very spot because this is where it all began. But tragic things happened. I tried to live my life without you and I thought I succeeded. But when I saw you again, I realized what a fool I have been for thinking that I could go on living without you. I can't, Kensi." Deeks shook his head. "You are it for me. You are the only one for me. I love you. And now, I am making one of my dreams come true. Here, in front of our tree, I am asking you, Kensi Marie Blye, will you marry me?"

Launching herself towards him, she cried. "Yes! Yes! I will marry you, Deeks." Kensi tearfully watched as he stood up and put the ring on her finger. She wrapped her arms around his neck pulled him for a kiss.


End file.
